Did you know most people aren’t honest?

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I’m frustrated that I’m just learning this at 22. Once I was taking a guy and asked him if I had a good personality. He said “yes but your very honest. It’s not rude it’s just very weird”. Then I looked confused and he said “has anyone ever told you this?” And I said no. Then he said “of course not. Most people aren’t honest... most people are speaking in code.”

Then a lightbulb went off about why I’ve been so confused around people my entire life. Did you know that your not supposed to be honest 100% of the time and nobody is? I’m so frustrated nobody told me.

Ummmm…

No!

I ..[cough] didn't know that.

That's why I think of Hamlet as autistic. At the age of 30, he's shocked to discover (and even writes it down for future reference) that "a man may smile and smile and be a villain."

I thought that life was so confusing that people wouldn't lie to make it worse. At 22 I was just realizing that some people considered rules flexible. Most people have fairly strict limits about the lies they will tell - it is not too uncommon for all the expense accounts to be padded between 10 and 20%. Those taking 10 would rather not, but it is part of the usual compensation package. Psychopaths, however, are very bold, telling lies that look true just because most people would not take such a big chance. If caught, they are able to move on quickly.

Mothers routinely lie about Santa Claus, the Bogey Man, and their children's artistic talent because immature minds develop better in an idealized setting. We also lie to reduce upsets. If a stupid mistake is presented and accepted as having an external cause, people can learn their lesson without extra costs.

I knew that. But I find it hard to get along with people who are blatantly honest, as there are some things I needn't know and rather not know. But I don't like pathological liars either. I prefer people who are honest in general but aren't too honest, if that makes sense. Some things are best kept quiet.

"One may smile, and smile, and be a villain." -- William Shakespeare, in The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what." -- Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House

I was misled by NTs which caused a reduction in personal philosophical growth for decades.
I still resent that to this day.
If you look at my signature down the bottom you will see where I stand in regards to being honest.

I think you really need to look at who is doing the talking.
If it is a neurotypical, lying is expected in many situations.
On the other hand, many if not most Aspies have an inherent tendency to be honest, and some like myself are compulsively honest.



Well, then you had better keep your distance from me.

I sometimes got in trouble due to telling the truth when the workplace had developed i to a culture of lies in places that I worked, where I ended up leaving.. (Though it was only one reason why I left).

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 28 Jun 2019, 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have known people who were blatant liars and those who were honest to the point of being cruel and generally negative. Genuinely honest people, with true integrity, are difficult to find.

It surprizes me that honesty and integrity are hard to find.

It should be no surprise that honesty and integrity are often punished by people who prefer pleasant little lies.
People like President Donald J. Trump.

There are also nasty big lies out there. That's why honest, public-spirited politicians are in far more danger than crooks, and that tends to make them scarce. There's also the problem that people with integrity don't feel a need to prove it, while those without it spend large sums on PR to fool us.

It has only been in the last 10 years or so that I have realized that so many people lie. I knew it happened sometime, occasionally. I believed that everyone spoke the truth, all the time. So, don't feel bad you have realized this at 22. You are way ahead of me.

I still have trouble integrating that into my general world view.

There are many kinds of logic puzzles published for amusement. The ones that involve known liars still usually baffle me.

Extreme honesty doesn't have to be cruel.
"Cruelty" is an attitude in this context.


With me, there are some situations where I simply don't say anything if I consider the truth is too distressing for someone, but situations like that are rare.

Something else about me.
If I have absolutely no respect for a person, I will premeditatedly lie to that person with a cold passion.
You could say the neurotypical side in me comes out when this happens.
It is very rare, however.

I see honesty as a gift even if it isn't always easy to take.
This goes both ways of course.
Most people, particularly NTs, don't see it that way.
If they give me "smack" about it, well that changes things entirely, as I have mentioned.

^
You're the first one to mention honesty as a sign of respect - it's the same with me: I'm honest with people that I see as worthy of respect. It would feel very dismissive and insulting to me to do otherwise.

Candour would probably be a better term. No one should ask me for instance if they "look fat", but I won't go around calling people fat or telling them "harsh truths" if they don't ask me what I think.