Resilience

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Does growing up with extra difficulties make you more resilient?
Undoubtedly it's a double edged sword...
Been reading about it recently.
Definition from link

I believe, firmly, that "going through things" does tend to make a person more resilient.

If you don't "go through things," you generally don't learn.

Then....when something DOES happen, you are not as resilient as one who has "gone through things" previously. You haven't developed the "armor" yet.

I believe you need to have a certain degree of resilience to begin with in order to bear up against difficult times. I'm a believer in that old saying about difficult times revealing character rather than building it. Some people are naturally resilient (Denis Istomin). Denis fits the two criteria you describe.

1.) A serious car accident in which he fought for his life at age 14.
2.) Success on the ATP tennis tour

I believe it can make you more resilient, as kortie says, but if you faced trauma or psychological injury because of your differences, it can also make you more vulnerable. Trauma leaves a person in a continued state of hyper-vigilance, damages their self-concept and impairs their ability to trust others. In this state, even though the person should have tools and experience to feel resilient, they may be crippled by feelings of doubt.

This is not to say that all people with 'extra difficulties' are traumatised, but that subgroup can't be overlooked.

I agree with what Isabella says.

And I also believe one could develop resilience through various methods. What might not work the first time could very well work the second time.

One problem is the unpredictability----whether a method will work or not.

It did for me.

There does seem to be an element of chance involved.
For example I might be more resilient becsuse I wasnt diagnosed as a child, the down side being all the not so good stuff that I experienced and those outcomes.

Resilience is commonly spoken about as a positive disposition, something that humans have an innate capacity for, but is there a line between what a person is/isn't able for?

Honestly, I feel that most people are more capable than they think they are.

I have found this to be true in myself.

There might be a "point" where one has to concede.....but I feel like this "point" should expand through the person enabling it to expand.

There are times when persons would benefit from the input of other persons in the expansion of that "point."

To me, the line is called breakdown. I wasn't identified ASD until middle age, after also developing CPTSD and having a stroke. Throughout my life with undiagnosed ASD I could always push myself to incredible extremes and I still can, if the situation is truly demanding or important. That's not to say that resilience is a good thing. I also suffered two nervous breakdowns from the stress of pushing myself. At times resilience feels like a burden, because it's born of resignation and the knowledge that my so-called 'life experience' came at such a heavy cost.

I'm pretty lazy----and I probably don't have much "resilience." I am "weak" in certain areas. I never became a teacher, for example. I often wonder how much I would have accomplished had I pushed myself. Complacency is my middle name.

I've never pushed myself all that hard; maybe I'm lucky that I've gotten even to the point where I've gotten! My wife even notes how lazy I am. And how she admires her father who accomplished so much, despite a grammar school education.

But I can't say that I would advocate "giving up" in most instances. Because while "pushing yourself" could have a price, this same "push" also provides one with substance and knowledge.

I don't advocate for "giving up" either. People do what they truly have to do, even though it takes a toll on them. The challenge is to determine priorities, and to know which things are worth fighting for. Being resilient and pushing forward to uncomfortable situations might be worth it, or it might be detrimental in the long term. You have to look at the risk vs. benefit of what you're pushed to do.

In my case, I get tired of being applauded for my resilience. I know that people mean well, but they have no idea how much pain and suffering has led me to persevere in the ways that I do. I'd gladly surrender my fortitude if I could stop the flashbacks and trauma which helped me be so strong.

Yep. That's the hard part: "priorities."

And....whether a method to ameliorate a situation could work in the short and long-term. That's really the essence of life-----risk versus reward.

I often see "geniuses"---persons of great intellect---suffer greatly. Frequently, I would envy the knowledge, intellect, and resiliency that some of these people have. And imagine what I would have accomplished had I possessed this "genius."

But many of these sorts of people do seem to suffer to a great degree-----and I wish I could convey to them how "gifted" they really are. And express my lament that I don't have that degree of talent. And express how fortunate they really are because of their "gift."

Sometimes, I am tempted to advise "ignorance" for the attainment of "bliss." Fortunately, I hold off on advising any such thing!

In most cases, I'd love to have ignorance, naivety and bliss in exchange for the experiences which made me resilient.

Resilience, confidence and skill are not necessarily synonymous.

I have often heard this expressed in a similar vein to how Isabella expresses this.

Mostly by people who have suffered and who are of an intellectual/artistic bent.

Perhaps that is why poets used to write of "Lethe" (the river [perhaps more like stream] of oblivion) during the Romantic Period of English literature.

There have been chunks of my life where I've felt that way Isabella and I'm sure that I will feel that way again.

I do wonder how different my life would have been if I had the right support I estimate that I'd be a different person. Lack of knowing my limitations combined with resilience from early experiences meant that I've become more independent than I would have otherwise.
That's an area where it is a positive.

For me personally it seems to make me more vulnerable. I display endurance because I am scared, and that sensation interferes when I am at home. I grow increasingly more emotionally dysfunctional and have to ward away against dark thoughts that, if allowed to fester, will provoke me into a fight or flight state of mind.

It does make me more cynical and pragmatic, which can be helpful. I also have developed coping mechanisms to endure suffering in the moment. Nevertheless, that inability to feel "ok" and just relax can stunt you and make you less adaptable.