Missing my childhood.

Post Reply New Topic

I've found myself missing being a child a lot lately. I know a lot of other autistic folk say that they hated their childhood because they were always confused and things were very tough for them, and I agree, I also struggled with confusion pretty much all the time and nothing ever really made sense to me. I struggled academically due to dyslexia, ADD and being somewhat developmentally delayed.
However...I used to be able to come home from school and immerse myself in video games, specifically fantasy MMORPGs. I'd have this sense of wonderment and awe whilst I embarked on virtual adventures, I rarely made friends but I felt like I was on an even playing field with other users.
Now, I'm an adult and I still struggle, in fact I struggle more now than I did as a child. My OCD, anxiety, and all the other struggles I faced as a child are still there and more, only now I can't escape into a video game because I've totally lost that childlike sense of wonderment and it feels futile. I don't enjoy it as much as I used to, not even about 10% as much as I used to. I miss enjoying things like I used to.
My OCD pretty much removed the passion I had for my "special interests" (I hate that term, It feels so condescending) so I don't have those anymore.

Anyone else feel a similar way?

I didn't like being a child. Too many rules.

Things are much better for me now that I'm an adult.

I found that rules made it a bit easier for me. It was in settings without rules where I found I struggled the most.

I do understand what you mean. And I agree with that.

The rules which I lived under felt rather draconian at the time---even though now I know they was a purpose to them.

I loved my childhood. I didn't find life confusing as a child. I found life fun and exciting.

I was in a virtually constant state of confusion as a child.

I threw lots of tantrums.

I felt a lot of anxiety when I was a young child. Grown ups were scary to me. I also managed to get in trouble a lot. Pre-School was scary because I didn't know how to play with the other kids and I would end up taking their toys which would lead to not getting along. I didn't understand why they would be mad at that time. I got yelled at for eating a lot of things I shouldn't have been eating such as chalk or glue. I also preferred to be alone. I was not interested in play dates until other people were too old for them. I made a lot of good friends though, later in grade 5 or so. They are still my friends to this day. I don't think I would want to go back to being a child

It was painful and scary for me but i also miss it. Because i had hope that if i work hard things could be better. I didn't know that everything is limited in life.

Ha! I too threw tantrums. My mum even got the local doctor round and he witnessed me mid tantrum. I would arch my back, scream and launch myself across the room upside down. Doctor said "you need to take him to hospital". This was in 1977. I'm still there now (just kidding). I have actually manipulated a decent -on the face of it - life for myself. I was diagnosed last week with AS. I had suspected it for about a year. I am adapting to the new reality. I think my wife may leave me but is fiercely loyal so I'm fine for now. I have no idea what will happen if she decides I'm too much trouble. I need to curb my enthusiasm often. Regularly say embarrassing things in public - not always funny i realise now. I'm a great dad to our kids and i earn money which helps. Childhood-wise well it was a challenge. I was good at football (not USA) which is enormously beneficial to a young boy. I sat on my own for first 3 years of school as i was disruptive. I got in a lot of scrapes. I did well enough academically until aged 14 when i completely lost interest. I wouldn't want to go through puberty again. Holy crap no! I used to get really keen on certain girls but was always too shy to say anything. I'd be devastated when said girls had relationships with worst kind of guys (as i saw it). It was a slog being me. A struggle. I'm relatively happy these days all things considered. I am glad I've found this wrong planet. Sorry if i went on a bit....

Sometimes, very much so. Other times, not so much. I'll think back on a good memory, then it may be interrupted by what else went along with it. It's good that there aren't very many points of reference in childhood. Kids seem to have an easier time finding the joy if there's any at all to be found.

I guess it just depends on the day. I can definitely see why you would feel that way OP. It is fun and I miss the structure also.

My childhood was a mixed bag which still upsets me at times. What I miss most is the strucrure. No matter what was going on my basic needs were met. Now when I over think dinner I will likely go to bed without eating.

I'd do almost anything to relive my childhood: not school, but everything else.

Except for the bullying, I had an okay childhood. I loved to read, but I also played outside a lot. I got good grades in school, which was a saving grace. However, I like my life a lot better now. I missed out on getting my driver's license when I was a teenager, so that slowed me down a lot.

Yeah, school was awful and it would be a massive downside to reliving it.

There's literally nothing you could offer me to go back to being a child. Or under 30 for that matter

I hope I never go back to where I was in my 40s. I have only had five or six years of a full, well-rounded life and don't want to lose it.