Am I bad at small talk or is it just very limited?

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Hello! I'm new, and I've joined this forum as I want to know if anyone else with Asperger's or Autism can relate with some situations or feelings that I may bring up here from time to time.


I hate it when I'm idling with a work colleague or friend and I feel the need to start a conversation about something just to avoid an awkward silence... I don't know if anyone can relate, but I start to become self-conscious if I stay quiet for too long (you may understand where I'm coming from).

The problem is that we would've already talked about what the weather is today and tomorrow, what we're doing this weekend, something we've just happened to hear recently and etc. I'm starting to find small talk just as awkward as we just talk about the same topics on a very basic level.

What I REALLY want to do is talk about my own interests, yet it never feels appropriate unless we both happen to share it in common. I will sometimes try to insert one of my favourite topics into a conversation if it is somehow related, just because I'm able to keep on talking for the sake of it.

So, am I just bad at small talk, or is it something else? Please let me know if can relate or have some answers/advice towards this question of mine. Thank you for reading.

Might it be both?

I'm not very good at small talk, I don't find it interesting so it's not a skill I practice very much. I can manage it to a limited degree, so I'd qualify as both bad at it and limited.

You feeling awkward is not enough of a reason to speak. I had a co-worker who would always have some comment ready when I entered his space, so I had to avoid him whenever I was trying to think. However, assuming that the two of you are free to talk but not to leave or listen to headphones, it is usually possible to keep a conversation going to pass the time. Most people are glad to talk about themselves, and if you just listen, they wind up feeling they know you better. You can ask their opinion on current events and treat it like advice, not an opposing position. If you can't agree, just try another topic, searching for whatever you might have in common.

I don't want to keep starting conversations with friends when there's no need to, but I can't help but feel uncomfotable when it's quiet when we're doing nothing.

Thinking about it more, I feel more comfortable with quiet when, let's say, me and a co-worker are focused on doing a task together, or if me and a friend are enjoying a cycle ride. I don't feel I need to start small talk because we're both occupied, and if anything, the only talk required then is if we need to let each other know of hazards/important details.

Prahaps the key not feeling awkward with friends is keeping busy? Let me know.

There is a condition known as "a companionable silence" but it is rare. Most of the time, people want to share their thoughts or check on how the relationship is going.
To be interesting, be interested.

I think you're saying that listening and showing interest in what they have to say (regardless of your own personal opinion) maintains a good relationship. If I find that I agree or can relate with something they've said, it's easier to discuss it as a topic.

That makes good sense, thanks for the advice