Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Coming out as autistic to parents

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

jimsnodgras
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 5 Jul 2019
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: San Diego

27 Aug 2019, 4:48 am

I am a male in my 40's, just diagnosed with level 1 autism (asperger's syndrome) in July 2019. My autism is mild enough that I pass for normal in most situations. At first, I thought the autism thing is kind of cool. I must be as smart as someone like Einstein, I thought. I wanted to tell everyone that I have autism and then I thought better of it. I am afraid of discrimination at work and people treating me "different."

The bottom line: I'm debating about even telling my parents. I am afraid that telling them might change our relationship for the worse. Right now our relationship is good. I wonder if they know or suspect autism, but I am very afraid of rocking the boat too much and ruining that good relationship. I'm starting to think I'm better off keeping the autism thing under my hat. Does anyone have good/bad experiences coming out to parents? :(



Gentleman Argentum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2019
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,019
Location: State of Euphoria

27 Aug 2019, 4:59 am

jimsnodgras wrote:
I am a male in my 40's, just diagnosed with level 1 autism (asperger's syndrome) in July 2019. My autism is mild enough that I pass for normal in most situations. At first, I thought the autism thing is kind of cool. I must be as smart as someone like Einstein, I thought. I wanted to tell everyone that I have autism and then I thought better of it. I am afraid of discrimination at work and people treating me "different."

The bottom line: I'm debating about even telling my parents. I am afraid that telling them might change our relationship for the worse. Right now our relationship is good. I wonder if they know or suspect autism, but I am very afraid of rocking the boat too much and ruining that good relationship. I'm starting to think I'm better off keeping the autism thing under my hat. Does anyone have good/bad experiences coming out to parents? :(


You're lucky to have the option. Your youth must have been better spent than mine. If you're selfish, you could pull the autism rabbit out of your hat next time your parents are offended and annoyed by something you did. It can be like a get out of jail free card. If you want to tell them without thought of advantage, then "Aspergers" sounds a lot better than "autism," which they probably would not believe. They will have a lot of questions and probably research it or ask their friends about it. I don't know why you would be worried about coming out as Aspergers, that sounds pretty mild to me. The real difficulty for me was coming out as gay, back before gay was okay. As for Aspergers, well that is small beans by comparison. Who is going to find fault in that?


_________________
My magical motto is Animus facit nobilem. I like to read fantasy and weird fiction. Just a few of my favorite online things: music, chess, and dungeon crawl stone soup.


ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,828
Location: Long Island, New York

27 Aug 2019, 5:02 am

Having been on this website for six years I have read a lot of disclosure stories. The reactions vary very widely, there is usually no way to predict. Your parents are of a generation that grew up in an era when there was little knowledge about autism and mental conditions were stigmatized.

IMHO one should not hide important information about oneself from loved ones.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Magna
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,932

27 Aug 2019, 8:18 pm

I was diagnosed after my Mom died so I never got the opportunity to tell her. If she was alive I wouldn't have hesitated to tell her.

My Dad is another story. I haven't told him about my autism. Why? I'm nearly fifty and he is definitely of a generation where he equates autism with retardation. I see no benefit to telling him. I believe he would discount the diagnosis as being incorrect (ie he wouldn't believe it).



civil4life
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 22 Aug 2019
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 16

27 Aug 2019, 8:44 pm

I am in the same situation. I am 35 and just got diagnosed as well. In general, I do not tell my dad anything. If he knows something it is because my mom shared it with him.

I have decided that I first need to let the diagnosis sink in a bit more before I share it with my mom.

Overall, I know my mom will be ok. I am actually more worried that she will blame herself. I have been dealing with mental health issues since early college. My mom is very critical of herself and her part in raising her kids.

You are a little older than me. My parents are in their early 60s, but my mom is in the medical field.

I know my own situation is that finding this piece about myself is an important part of me. I am a person that needs to live my life authentically. I know that over time if I do not share I will feel like a liar.

The only reason I would not share is in a situation like Magna, where you know they will not understand and be supportive.