Is my mother an ableist or burnt-out caregiver?

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I'm currently 35 years old and still living with my mother, and ever since I got myself off meds, she's been waiting for an excuse to put me back on. Any misstep, any expression of frustration, or any nonsensical phrase is construed as an excuse to put me back on the drugs. This is something I view as punishment, but expressing that opinion to her further convinces her that I need to be on meds. She loves me and has done a lot for me over the years, but now, she's looking more and more authoritarian to me. It's at a point now where I actually FEAR her recovering from her often debilitating condition too much because if she does, she may put me under guardianship or pursue some other sort of court action that could force me onto meds. I do not get violent with her, but she can be very sensitive to mere words. I hope this was never her intention, but she is the main reason for my Autism Shame and resentment of the neurodiversity movement. If I tell her this, she'll probably break down in tears and do something heavy-handed to get me onto drugs. I know the easiest solution would be to move out, but she and my stepdad control most of my money, and what little I have would not be enough to make it on my own considering the fact that I can't drive. How do I speak my mind without being threatened with drugging or causing a mental breakdown?

The way you describe it, it seems your mother is very controlling, which I find generally unhealthy.

However, I totally second Mona's questions, especially about the meds - why did you take them in the first place? Why did you discontinue them? Did they make you feel worse of have serious side effects? Did you try to discuss it with the psychiatrist who prescribed them?

Perhaps you being on meds makes you easier to be around and be an easier person to deal with. Without them, you are harder to deal with and this is true for other disorders too like anxiety, ADHD, Bipolar, depression.

I used to chat with a person online and she was more pleasant to chat with until she decided to stop taking her new meds and she went back to her narcissist ways and being all bitter because she got her inferior complex again after being off the meds and she was totally self unaware she had changed again and thought the pills were not doing anything for her. They were and she didn't even notice. So I stopped talking to her because I got tired of her narcissism.

Your mom could kick you out of her home because you are an adult and that isn't ableism because you are an adult and responsible for yourself and if you refuse to do anything about it, she can kick you out instead because she is tired of how you act off them.

I was taking Prozac, and I guess it helped me with my meltdowns, which were never violent, but were pretty annoying with the whining and illogical thinking. I stopped the Prozac because I believed it lessened my ability to control my soda consumption and appetite. I was also starting to build a tolerance to it after 5 years of being on. I had previously been on another SSRI called Zoloft that initially worked, but I eventually built up such a tolerance that a 300mg dose wasn't much help.

I was never getting the Prozac from a psychiatrist, but rather, my primary care physician. I live in the United States, where it's perfectly legal for GPs to prescribe psychiatric drugs. I don't know if the same is true in other countries.

My mother's condition, which causes excruciating abdominal pain and chronic, explosive diarrhea, was caused by a hiatal hernia surgery gone wrong. It leaves her bedridden more often than not. She doesn't have the energy or even money to go to extremes to force-drug me. What if she recovers though? I really don't want to lose what freedom I have because of her desire to help me.

What triggers your meltdowns most often?
I used to have quite severe meltdowns when arguing with my mother or grandmother... and sensory things, noise and crowd. Did you identify at least some of your triggers?
It looks like the meds work only short term for you. It is possible that what really could change the game would me small accommodations aimed at improving your comfort.

Sounds like your mother is a complex case study herself. I'm sorry to hear your feel you can't speak your mind without being hit with the "get back on your meds" stick.

Do you know what you think your mother get out of you being on meds?

My mother gets some relief from my annoying meltdowns more than anything. She also thinks they make me more mature, but I tell her that maturity can't come from a pill. I don't think I matured because of it. Maybe I matured because of her failing health more than anything. I couldn't depend on her to do as much for me. I had to take on my own responsibilities. I'm probably at the maturity level of a teenager though, but I'm 35.

How often do you have meltdowns? What kinds of situations trigger them most often? Can you spot any warning signs before it gets uncontrollable? Can you leave for a bathroom / another room to save your family from a need to deal with them?
Maybe you can do some adjustments instead of going back on drugs.

Oh, one more thing: If you can do better when your mother is weak, it indicates she tends to be overprotective and over-controlling to you.
Some parents make that mistake, after hearing their child is disabled they put them into "poor child to be cared for and protected for their whole life, never to be a real adult" category, sometimes even forcing one into it, instead of encouraging as much capability and independence as possible.

That kinda sounds like my mother. She wasn't quite as controlling or coddling towards my neurotypical sisters. As a result, they both made life choices that weren't exactly wise. Both moved away and made it on their own for a while, but eventually made mistakes like falling in love with gangstas or marrying illegal immigrants after having their kids. I was in a position that made it much more difficult to just move out. I couldn't drive, so getting a job was not really an option. I was also very slow to mature because of what I could best classify as "severe" Asperger's. It was not at all feasible for me to move out on my own at the same age as my sisters. Even now, it's a challenge. I'm legally blind and don't live in a city with good public transport. To even get out of the house, I often have to rely on the charity of friends from my church, but it's getting harder for them to provide such charity. They're very busy with their personal lives and church lives. One of them got into a car accident last month that left her without a vehicle. She still hasn't gotten her car fixed. Apparently, it was almost totaled.

That's a pain of living in non-metropolitan US - without a car, one is unable to take care of even the most basic things

Before I got my driver's license, my life was pretty restricted. I didn't go anywhere except to work, and I had to be driven there. Now my life has expanded quite a bit, with varied activities.

I could never get a driver's license because of my vision. At best, I'll have to wait here in this semi-rural neighborhood until autonomous cars become mainstream. Ubers cost money, and I don't have very much of that that I personally control.

Yep. Ubers cost money.

I assume public transportation sucks where you are?