All I can do is sigh. What more can I say?

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One of my best friends who is also an HFA, had a car accident.
He was the only one injured because he already had a spinal injury so now it is much worse.

The reason he had the accident is that he had to change lanes urgently, immediately, and in a hurry and did not see the car in his blind spot. His mirror hit the other guy's fender. Minimal and inconsequential damage was done to the other car but my friend's mirror was destroyed. The other guy was also not injured in any way. Only my friend was badly injured because of his already injured back.

My friend was legally completely 100% at fault for the accident and is 100% responsible for all the damages.

Why does this matter? It matters because of the reason why he had to so urgently change lanes. The car driver behind him was blasting his bass on his stereo so loudly that it was causing my friend so much physical pain and literal physical agony that he had to immediately escape.

Just like with me, rather than supporting and enforcing noise ordinances, people will tell my friend that he should not be allowed to drive if someone blasting bass to high heaven can cause all this. And people wonder why we feel that we don't deserve to exist.

(( skibum's friend ))

I'm sorry this happened. I can relate all too well to that feeling of overwhelm and frustration. I hope your friend will be alright, and I'm glad no one else was hurt.

Thank you. I will pass your message on to him. He will be encouraged by your kindness.

Tell your friend I hope he gets better soon!
If my parents would know how many times I nearly crashed the car after overload and upcoming shutdown following a day at university, they wouldn't allow me to drive...

As a reaction to te last sentence of your post, I am not surprised if you mean this literally. I've read a lot of your posts and of startrekker, and my functioning levels also vary tremendously.
I really think I'm going to die one day because on my bad days I'm so low functioning, I forget to eat, shutdown, depressed, can't process speech...

Unfortunately society doesn't want to accommodate, because they only see me when I'm high functioning...

One piece of advice, I always wear earmuffs and sunglasses while driving. This helps me keep calm. Maybe your friend can try this if he is so sensitive to noise?

Many greetings, I empathize with you and your friend

I hope your friend's condition improves quickly. He really didn't deserve to have this happen to him. There really should be more stringent restrictions on how high you can have the volume of your car radio, and better enforcement of said restrictions (and whatever is currently in place, if anything). At least the car didn't flip over or anything like that. The guy with the loud music should be the one paying for all damages (and your friend's medical bills if this happened in the USA).

We can pray for his back.

So sorry to hear what happened, skibum. Truly am ...

That does suck, but at the same time he needs to find a way to handle getting stressed/overwhelmed by driving a bit better. I mean what he did was dangerous regardless of the reason, you always have to be aware when you switch lanes you can't just immediately move over without checking for vehicles in the way.

I hope he's ok and recovers, but he may need to find some safer ways of handling sensory overload when driving, aside from doing anything drastic like making a sudden lane change. I agree noise ordinances should be enforced but I mean I see plenty of times people do illegal things while driving, if there's not a traffic cop around to see it. So one cannot necessarily depend on the traffic laws always being enforced immediately.

I hate the loud bass as well, but if I was driving(i don't currently drive) and someones bass was bothering me that much I would certainly find a safe time to either move away from that vehicle or pull off somewhere where I can safely do so like into a parking lot or something to get away from it.

Thank you all for your well wishes for my friend. I will make sure that he knows you are all pulling for him.

He did check the lane before switching. He is very conscientious when he drives. But the vehicle just happened to be in a complete blind spot. There was no way he could see it. Apparently the mirror has a bigger blind spot than he realized. He is going to try to replace the mirror with a much better one.

As far as the issue with the bass, I have it worse and there are times when people's bass have made me go into a state of altered consciousness when I was stuck at a red light. We can't handle getting that overwhelmed by driving a bit better. The way it affects me is as if someone were bashing my head in with a tire iron. These people are breaking the law. It should not be happening. It's not about just being bothered by the sound. We are actually injured by the sound. There is a big difference. I once asked a police officer about situations that I have been in where I literally have screaming meltdowns in my car because of people's stereos or when I go into altered consciousness. I was told by one police officer that if I stopped traffic to have a meltdown, I would get a ticket but the person who was blasting a stereo would not because I was the one who was actually stopping traffic. Maybe I should not be allowed to drive either. I have actually been told that. I have also been told that I should not shop in grocery stores or be in my own bed in my house if I can't handle people neurologically assaulting me in my own home. I have been told that I should not ski at the resort if I can't handle people blasting stereos in the parking lot or go to nature parks if I can't handle people blasting stereos there or be or go anywhere else. I guess that leaves me only one option. The only safe place is in a grave. But if I say that, people get angry at me for saying it. That only makes me want to leave this planet.

Skibum. You're the best. Try not to be concerned. I realize it is easy to say. You are such a kind hearted gem of a person. Your kind words to me in PM's really helped me. Your amazing descriptions, or just that you read my long PM's and were able to comment in such descriptive ways...

People make silly remarks sometimes as they are trying to balance a lot of people... I used to have to do this as a train guard (The man who collects tickets) by trying to provide and move people around my train to give everyone the best enviroment I could. One of the most common issues was that the front of the train would typically be too warm and the rear too cold, and we needed the air to flow through or the front would be unbearable... but the airflow went to the back. I would be swopping people where they sat, as the too warm ones would go where the two cold ones were etc. A few people were awkward. They wanted to complain but stubborny refused to move. If they couldn't move I would understand. We had two dead end stations where the train would be travelling the other way so we would move people around again. Only the very long distance passengers would notice this.
I became expert at trying to create atmospheres to make as many people happy as I could and it wasn't easy, especially when large groups of people have had a few too many. While I don't really understand them wanting to travel miles to a lovely seaside town and then not even go down to the sea, and just stay in the pub and get drunk as a group... I said to them "Why can't youstay in the pub you have in the town you came from and save yourself the train fayre?" They looked at me daft as if I was the one who wasn't talking any sense.. Haha! Then one would say "But we need to do this for a change". (Ok, fair enough, but why not all go to the pub in the next village (Small town.. Another nice seaside small town) so they save themselves money as the tickets just three miles away are much cheaper...Haha! I couldn't see their logic to travel so far just to drink).
Anyway, they all enjoyed themselves and seemed to have such outings every summer. About 40 people a time. Sometimes as many as 60.
Anyway. Skibum. You're great.

That's a tough situation. I wish we had noise control laws but lot of people don't get shut downs or get distressed so blasting loud bass music isn't illegal and not considered noise pollution unless it's it loud enough. But he is still 100% at fault there because that is how laws work. It's better to miss your turn and turn off the road and get back on it and then make that right turn or just pull over and wait a few minutes.

Also there are other people out there that can't drive due to vision loss, seizures, poor depth perception, severe attention issues, etc. I gotta agree that maybe your friend could be one of these people too and it does not mean everyone is saying none of you should exist, they are just saying it isn't safe for you to be on the road because of your problem. When you choose to get behind the wheel, you are responsible to ensure the safety of others.

Oh I like the sunglasses advice. I am very sensitive when it shines right in my face and it makes it harder for me to see the road. I use those visors cars have. If I hit someone or another car, I will be held fully at fault and they wouldn't care the sun blinded me. They will just say "Why do you drive then if you have that problem?" They would be correct and my kids should be attending a rated 1 school instead and my mom then judges me for putting my needs first because I had to ensure I keep the road safe for everyone or just call my kids in and say they will be late because of the sun shining in my face and it blinds me.

That means his mirrors are not properly adjusted. He should be able to see the other lane and not his car. This is also my fear of driving big vehicles, not being able to see a car when I switch lanes because of a blind spot. There are additional mirrors you can buy like those circle mirrors you can pop on the side view mirrors so it gives you a better view of the lane next to you. I am seeing buses and semi trucks now have mirrors on the hood too so they have a double view. That is something new now I am seeing and I am sure large vehicles have side swiped cars while lane changing because they didn't see them. As a driver, I have ended up on the shoulder or in the center lane when the semi truck and bus was creeping into my lane and then they saw me when I slowed down. I try not to be next to them long for this very reason and don't stay in their blind spot and if I must pass them, I pick up a little speed to get by them. I also watch for their blinker so I stay back or speed up depending on how far forward I am.

Last edited by League_Girl on 01 Sep 2019, 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you so much Mountain Goat. I am so glad that we are friends. You are a great encouragement to me as well.

League Girl, I agree that the cars mirrors were not adjusted correctly. And I believe that they were also not the proper size for the car even though they came with the car. He is going to replace the mirror with a better one. But the tough part is that at least in my city, and I believe in his, blasting a stereo is against the law. We have many laws against it in our city. I have read them. But it does not seem to matter what the law is. I have even had a conversation with a police officer who told me that they only enforce laws that matter and that even if something is against the law, they won't enforce it if people find it popular. That is what I have a huge problem with. And what bothers me about my friend's case is that everyone is agreeing that he is responsible and yes, he is, but no one, except one person on this thread who said this, will ever say that the person breaking the law blasting the stereo who caused the problem has any responsibility whatsoever. And even worse, people are encouraged to do this by the authorities even though it is very much against the laws here.

I didn't realize it is against the law where you are. I am in the US and this is actually legal just as long as it cannot be heard a certain amount of feet and if it's day time. I recall you saying you live somewhere in Europe.

Put in mind here that the majority of responses here are from the US so all our answers are based on US laws. Location always matters so we understand responses better and not take them as personal. Edit: I just relooked at the posts and I see the majority here are from EU. But still location matters because each country has their own laws about noise.

I live in PA. I also had an acquaintance in Iowa who told me that if your music can be heard outside of your car or your house there, you get a ticket. One of the ordinances in my city says that if your music is loud enough to make someone else sick, you can get a six month jail sentence and or a $600 fine. And here is it not allowed at any time of day but after ten you will get a fine if the officer chooses to enforce it. But I have called officers numerous times from my house and 90% of the time they come and deal with it no matter what time of the day it is. But the problem is that they actually have to hear it and the neighbors all know this and they know how long it takes the cops to get there so they turn it off or leave right before the cops get there so that I can look like a crazy person. I even had a neighbor park outside my house and blast her stereo and when I went out to confront her she looked at me and laughed and drove off.

Are there places in the countryside on their own but not too remote to live? Would it help? I don't know much about the USA. I know you have mountains.

(Is just an idea for a future plan. I don't know what it is like in the area where you live or need to live etc.)