How do I get over this worry about age?

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chris1989
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20 Dec 2018, 9:27 am

I can't understand why I have this persistant worry at the age of 30, I don't know whether because its just a different number, or what. It makes me feel and look back and think I haven't achieved much with what I want in life between between 20 and 29. And I feel like only one and that everyone else right now in their twenties has achieved what they want in life and living it to the full and having a great time. I didn't worry much before I was 20, 21 or 25 so I don't know I am about 30.



kraftiekortie
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20 Dec 2018, 9:28 am

Because people have this stupid idea that one starts getting old at 30.....



BTDT
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20 Dec 2018, 9:43 am

Especially since many Aspies have developmental disorders and don't get into serious relationships until their mid 30s...



Prometheus18
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20 Dec 2018, 10:15 am

Plato stated that old age is the best stage of life, for it is only then that one's ridiculous and disabling desires start to abate, and one can live with a greater degree of mental freedom. I agree; if I could click my fingers now and be living the same kind of lifestyle but aged 70, I would. The man I know personally whom I admire the most is 81; I don't know anybody personally under the age of 30 whom I really like.



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20 Dec 2018, 6:10 pm

30 is only old if you're a cave wo/man.
Why not try to do something special this year? Not based on what 'everyone else is doing' but based on what you really want to do or on achieving that goal?
I used to have this attitude to every year above 21.
I love when I was 25 cos it was the year I quit worrying about keeping up and started just living for me. When I was 28, I got my first poetry collection published :) That sort of stuff doesn't happen to everyone so isn't a 'milestone'.
Adults don't really have 'milestones' especially aspie adults.



hurtloam
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20 Dec 2018, 6:14 pm

The only way to cope with it is to actually turn 30.

When you do tuen 30 you realise that nothing is different and you carry on as before.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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20 Dec 2018, 6:21 pm

I've been thinking the same, even did a video on youtube , about my thoughts on entering something called a Saturn return. I'm dreading approaching 30. I think everyone feels like this but it'll pass



Raleigh
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20 Dec 2018, 6:45 pm

You'll grow out of it.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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20 Dec 2018, 7:57 pm

I'm 28 years old, similar age to you and can relate, i'm going to say something to you that someone once told me, one day you'll look back and wonder why you got so upset and down about it, the 30's will be a new making of you! you're still so young and have a lot to look forward too.



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21 Dec 2018, 12:15 am

Worry is a feeling about the present or future. You can't worry about the past. Do you feel like you no longer have enough time to accomplish meaningful things? Thirty is young. Try to focus on achieving goals at your own pace rather than compare yourself to some sort of perceived timeline. Some of us are "late bloomers" in many ways.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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21 Dec 2018, 3:36 am

Magna wrote:
Worry is a feeling about the present or future. You can't worry about the past. Do you feel like you no longer have enough time to accomplish meaningful things? Thirty is young. Try to focus on achieving goals at your own pace rather than compare yourself to some sort of perceived timeline. Some of us are "late bloomers" in many ways.



Agree with the above, better late than never!

Thirty is young and also at that age, you know what you want in life and are often more mature compared to someone in there 20's that makes more mistakes. Many of us, are still not in relationships and find it a struggle to meet someone, especially since like you, we hate clubs and pubs too. You're not alone Chris. I'm in the same position and i'm female. People understand how you feel.



brightonpete
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21 Dec 2018, 9:00 am

Being so old, I looked at turning 30 with trepidation. I had watched the movie "Soylent Green', which seems to have bolstered my negativity to turning 30.

But I turned 30, and nothing changed. No squads hunting me down, no life crisis whatsoever.

I also thought about 40, and 50 and 60. But nothing changed. I'm the same as I was. Nothing will change for me until the day I die! And looking at my health, that will probably when I am 105!

You can worry all you want, but not much will change. It is inevitable, so just live with it. I do...



hurtloam
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21 Dec 2018, 9:11 am

Are you mixing Soylent Green up with Logan's Run there.

In Logan's Run 30 year olds are sent to "Carousel" to be "reborn" aka killed.



IstominFan
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21 Dec 2018, 9:57 am

In my case, I believe that my social/emotional intelligence lagged behind my academic/intellectual performance far into my 30s. Everything almost disappeared completely when I was in my 40s. However, now that I am almost in my mid-50s, I am finally beginning to catch up. I hope that I can finally succeed in the area of relationships by the time I reach my 60s. I have made many friends but, up until now, they have all been female friends. I hope that, someday, I will find a man who accepts me for who I am, but still inspires me to continue growing and learning.



AltoClarinet
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22 Dec 2018, 9:19 am

TUF wrote:
Adults don't really have 'milestones' especially aspie adults.


I was going to respond pretty much the same thing.

Before I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 32, I worried that I hadn't accomplished as much with my life as other people my age. But now I realize I can go at my own pace, and I don't need to do certain things by a certain age. Which doesn't mean I'm a slacker and I never try to learn anything new, but just that there are certain obstacles and things I struggle with more than the average person, and that it's okay if you don't know everything that neurotypicals expect you to know at a certain age.



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22 Dec 2018, 9:41 am

chris1989 wrote:
I can't understand why I have this persistant worry at the age of 30, I don't know whether because its just a different number, or what. It makes me feel and look back and think I haven't achieved much with what I want in life between between 20 and 29. And I feel like only one and that everyone else right now in their twenties has achieved what they want in life and living it to the full and having a great time. I didn't worry much before I was 20, 21 or 25 so I don't know I am about 30.

Comparing yourself to others is one guaranteed way to be unhappy. Suicide's up by 30%, 50% of marriages end in divorce, opiate overdose is up 70%, 1 in 8 is alcoholic, over 800,000 people go bankrupt every year. Other people have their own problems, despite the façade they present to the world. Don't assume that just because you're struggling, others aren't; they are.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Ian Maclaren