Connecting with people

Post Reply New Topic

I have learnt a lot of mys social skills by looking at body language and psychology books but I have yet to find out how to connect with people. I know that this isn't necessarily a natural strong-suit but have any of you learnt any good ways to do this?

I feel very much on a different wavelength to most of the people around me and it's not that people dislike my presence or anything, I just find it hard to join in the convos unless they are very strange and share a love for dark and strange jokes. As a result I feel very lonely and just would like to know if there is any chance I could learn this instead of just naturally having this skill because clearly, I don't. IT doesn't help that when someone is actually trying to talk to me I don't realise until talking to my friends about it later, meaning I may seem like I'm rejecting people in addition to this.

(It has occurred to me that not looking like I just punched someone may help with that , no I have not punched someone, I just enjoy drawing realistic bruises on my hands and arms because it's calming. Maybe that will change things.)

Is the problem more that you have the wrong expression on your face or that you can't connect as far as not knowing how to react if their situation happened to you?

As far as I know I am very expressive unless I am really run down. My main issue is I do not know how I am supposed to react to things in order to put people at ease. I tend to accidentally do the exact opposite by acting to familiar too soon etc. I apologise for being so vague but I just don't know what is appropriate to do at what times and wonder if there is some sort of list I can learn because that's how I'm used to learning this stuff. It could be the case that this is just too complex for me to learn in such a way.

I kind of find it better that you are saying that you react too soon instead of too late. I have a tendency to have a wrong look a lot of the times because of the same feeling tired thing you mentioned and the fact I have chronic sleep issues. Best thing there is just to tell people that you are tired, so they will understand. As for the reacting too familiar too soon, I would suggest first pause and interrupt asking if they are going in the direction you think they are going as a form of active listening instead of going straight into saying "I know what you mean" halfway through their explanation.

I have issues sleeping too. When I go to bed early I'll just be woken up again, perhaps multiple times. I'm sorry you have sleep issues too.

I'll make it more clear that I'm tired from now on to people when it's not obvious. I think at this point it is because I am losing my filter with my thoughts leaking out which is not great. I will also do the second bit of advice. Thank you and any more advice is welcome if anyone else sees this! I have been told I don't always seem like I am paying attention, even when I am.