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Should I comment on the post described below?
Yes, it is the right thing to do when someone you care about loses a pet, regardless of whether or not it is a former student on summer break. 60%  60%  [ 3 ]
No, it is unprofessional to comment on a former student's family matters. 40%  40%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 5

playgroundlover22695
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31 Jul 2020, 7:32 pm

I have this sudden dilema. I became facebook friends with my former student's mom just so I can find out how he does next year in middle school. I was told we're not supposed to have contact with students over the summer because relationships need to be maintained professionally within the school year. In addition, parents aren't really supposed to contact us until school starts again because it's our break (not that I need or want one). However, today I just found out via a facebook post that this family's cat "crossed over the rainbow today" as the mother put it. This little boy was so proud of his cat and he loved her more than anything which makes me sad for him since I know he's heartbroken and he already has clinical depression. I'm wondering if I should comment on the post and write something like "so sorry for your loss. I know how much she truly meant to him." Is this crossing a line? I don't want to break any professional summertime boundaries but it almost seems like the right thing to do but I'm not sure. If I do right something, what should that be? If not, is this better or do I seem like I no longer care? Please give me some advice on this. :(



skibum
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31 Jul 2020, 8:59 pm

I would. I think the family would really love that


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playgroundlover22695
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31 Jul 2020, 9:07 pm

skibum wrote:
I would. I think the family would really love that

As long it isn't overstepping. I'd love to. What should I write?



bee33
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31 Jul 2020, 10:50 pm

It sounds like you are becoming overly emotionally involved and probably should make an effort to stay away from this student, especially on the internet.



HeroOfHyrule
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31 Jul 2020, 10:59 pm

I'm not voting on the poll as I can't really say whether which option is the correct one, to be honest. I can't say whether your district would view even a comment such as that as inappropriate if they found out, it seems that they all treat things like this differently.

I know that once me and my peers were moving onto middle school they were all asking their favourite teachers if they could add them to keep up with how they're doing, and this specific teacher said she only would if they were the age to be on there (we were only eleven/twelve) and their parents were okay with it. So obviously there was no issue with that in my district and the teachers were very responsible about it. I even saw teachers comment on students things once in awhile after that.

But, personally, I think if the mother has added you on Facebook and trusts you enough to do that it would be fine to express condolences about the cat. I think her and the family would appreciate that, and it's something that would be very hard to be taken out of context. Also, what you said in your original post is probably good enough, as it's somewhat impersonal (I mean that as in it still upholds that professional relationship with them).

If you're still worried, you also really don't have say anything. The mother probably doesn't expect everyone to respond to her post anyways, and wouldn't think twice about her sons teacher not doing so. I assume you added each other with the expectation that you'll just see her posts, which would make it even more okay to not say anything.



playgroundlover22695
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01 Aug 2020, 12:08 am

Thanks it was just heartbreaking to see this because I was very close to this student during the school year and during the shutdown, his cat always laid next to him while he was doing his work online with me. I always thought of him like the son I never had. I just feel awful because that cat meant everything to him. It was the only thing that made him truly happy in life. (Besides video games) Especially while his mom's at work. Plus I used to help him through everything physical, emotional, and academic. Seeing this made me cry because I know how much he's hurting right now and I feel terrible that I can't be there to help him through it. Plus he used to try and self harm when he got upset over not earning a break in school. That's small potatoes. Now I'm worried about what he might do about this pain. :cry:



INTJ185
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02 Aug 2020, 8:48 pm

I didn't vote because the options were biased.

My "vote" would be to send a private Facebook PM expressing, **briefly**, condolences. Something such as:
"Please convey my condolences to [student's name] about the passing of [pet's name]. My thoughts are with you all."

[okay, so in such things I'm not the one to quote but you get the idea.]