Interacting with family who believe that ASD is fake

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Leon_Trotsky
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27 Oct 2019, 5:25 pm

I am not sure how to explain this, but on both sides of my family, but especially my father's side, most of extended family believe that any form of ASD is just a hoax, and that those with the disorder(s) are just acting weird on purpose to deliberately vex people or get sympathy and attention for being odd. Almost all of my extended family are either from the third world, or were born in the Western countries with third world culture passed down to them from their parents and grandparents.

This goes beyond just ASD though, and most of them believe that any mental disorder like OCD or anxiety or depression is just a person who is acting strange to get attention, or is "crazy" or "mad". I am sure that in the third world where they are from, people with ASD (or OCD or depression) get thrown into mental institutions if the family insist. From what I see, a male with ASD is judged much more harshly than females with ASD amongst my extended family. This is mostly due to heavy machismo-type attitudes where men are not supposed to display mental weakness.

The definition of a normal man in this culture is to be an aggressive, physically tough-looking, heavyset, extroverted, carnivorous alpha male who is a womaniser, has lots of girlfriends, eats large amounts of meat, never cries nor shows any sign of mental weakness and of course no signs of ASD. In countries and cultures from such countries like these, a male with ASD is likely to be met with being told, "You know, back in [insert name of third world country], you would just get thrown in the madhouse and the key thrown away."

Is anyone in a similar situation, and how do you interact with extended family in this case? Or do you just stop interacting with them altogether?



Benjamin the Donkey
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28 Oct 2019, 4:08 am

I stopped interacting with them and never regretted it.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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28 Oct 2019, 6:45 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
I stopped interacting with them and never regretted it.


Same here. I avoid my uncles whenever they visit.


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wiztrader
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01 Nov 2019, 8:41 am

Same here. If I do have to interact, it's just not discussed. I dont need their validation to know what my challenges are.



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01 Nov 2019, 8:58 am

I moved far away. No problems like that.



MagicKnight
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01 Nov 2019, 12:53 pm

That's why I don't talk about ASD with neurotypicals in general.

Fwiw though, sometimes I think ASD could just be some fake/manufactured condition. Some things make no sense to me.

Take any other condition. The descriptions and symptoms are the same across different people. Now take ASD. They say every people on the ASD is different. How can the professionals get to the conclusion that this is the same thing for so many different people with so many different symptoms? Moreover, a heart condition is the same for men and women. Now, ASD behaves differently across gender. Having all that in mind, how can medical professionals say "this person has ASD" and "that person has ASD too"?

That really sounds like pseudo-science. Plus, there's this: "everyone is a little autistic". Sorry if this offends anyone but we all should be suspicious about that, whether or not we believe in our own diagnosis.

Me, I believe I have something. It's just too obvious. The psychiatrists say it's ASD. They are the experts. As a layman, I have no arguments against them.



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01 Nov 2019, 12:58 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:
... Is anyone in a similar situation, and how do you interact with extended family in this case? Or do you just stop interacting with them altogether?
I've pretty much stopped interacting with my relatives altogether. Of course, I've never told them about my diagnosis, but when I went back to visit my mom, there were the usual wisecracks from siblings and cousins about me as if I was still a physically clumsy and socially awkward 14-year old adolescent. Sad.

Our ancestry is mostly German/Polish by way of Scotland/England with a little First Nations in the mix.


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01 Nov 2019, 4:02 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:
Is anyone in a similar situation, and how do you interact with extended family in this case? Or do you just stop interacting with them altogether?


Yeah, interaction with family or strangers in generally... I don't bother anymore to appear NT.
It usually goes like this:
-spend loads of energy to give the best version of yourself possible
-get noticed that something about you is off/different
-when people have used you to their benefit, you are than ignored and bullied

I only spend time with people that accept me as I am, I don't have energy to advocate for myself and defend my diagnosis.

As a result, I stop interacting with them.


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01 Nov 2019, 4:56 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
That's why I don't talk about ASD with neurotypicals in general.

Fwiw though, sometimes I think ASD could just be some fake/manufactured condition. Some things make no sense to me.

Take any other condition. The descriptions and symptoms are the same across different people. Now take ASD. They say every people on the ASD is different. How can the professionals get to the conclusion that this is the same thing for so many different people with so many different symptoms? Moreover, a heart condition is the same for men and women. Now, ASD behaves differently across gender. Having all that in mind, how can medical professionals say "this person has ASD" and "that person has ASD too"?


Often the diagnostic labels and categories seem to say more about the people creating them than the people experiencing them.



DeathParty
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04 Nov 2019, 9:27 am

My father had a very hard time accepting my diagnosis (and is very much digesting it still). It is a lot easier to assume that I am defiant, lazy, or “bad” rather than confused, overstimulated, or failing to find my words. He once told me that he didn’t understand “how such an intelligent person just doesn’t ‘get it’”.

He still doesn’t understand the difference between people who present more obviously (i.e. nonverbal autists) and people like me, so we are still working on it, but he is starting to see that my abilities aren’t always what is expected. And in that is learning to be a little more patient.



savavdpeas
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04 Nov 2019, 3:42 pm

I used to never talk to any of my extended family whenever we would have family gatherings. I don't think any of them thought ASD is a hoax; and I don't have ASD. So I'm not sure why I wouldn't speak with anyone during family gatherings. One of my aunts asked me one time if I have Autism. I said that I have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, but I "suspect" that I have Autism (somewhere on the spectrum). I think I mistook it for something else. Maybe I have something that has not even been given a name yet.



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04 Nov 2019, 9:00 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:
The definition of a normal man in this culture is to be an aggressive, physically tough-looking, heavyset, extroverted, carnivorous alpha male who is a womaniser, has lots of girlfriends, eats large amounts of meat, never cries nor shows any sign of mental weakness and of course no signs of ASD. In countries and cultures from such countries like these, a male with ASD is likely to be met with being told, "You know, back in [insert name of third world country], you would just get thrown in the madhouse and the key thrown away."


I have thought this situation may have been the case for much of history. Were Aspie genetics largely passed though females for a long time? And now in the modern world they are increasingly passed though both sexes? It seems this would explain the current growth in our share of the population.

Any comments on my hypothesis?


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Leon_Trotsky
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04 Nov 2019, 9:24 pm

DeathParty wrote:
My father had a very hard time accepting my diagnosis (and is very much digesting it still). It is a lot easier to assume that I am defiant, lazy, or “bad” rather than confused, overstimulated, or failing to find my words. He once told me that he didn’t understand “how such an intelligent person just doesn’t ‘get it’”.

He still doesn’t understand the difference between people who present more obviously (i.e. nonverbal autists) and people like me, so we are still working on it, but he is starting to see that my abilities aren’t always what is expected. And in that is learning to be a little more patient.


Usually in these situations I get comments like, "How about you just stop acting like a prick and be normal?". That does not really help because I often do not know what they are referring to.

When people find that someone acts "off" and then they tell the person that they are weird, the person who receives the comment often has to figure out what the so-called normal people find off.

But a truly useless comment is being told, "Why can you just not act normal? See, I act normal. Why can you not act like I do?" To me that is like telling someone with amputated legs, "Well, I can jog. Why can you just not be normal and jog like I do?"



CarlM
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04 Nov 2019, 9:50 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
Take any other condition. The descriptions and symptoms are the same across different people. Now take ASD. They say every people on the ASD is different. How can the professionals get to the conclusion that this is the same thing for so many different people with so many different symptoms? Moreover, a heart condition is the same for men and women. Now, ASD behaves differently across gender. Having all that in mind, how can medical professionals say "this person has ASD" and "that person has ASD too"?


That is why we, and some NTs, wonder if "condition" is appropriate. It is only a problem if it interferes with your life. If the main problem is rejection by NTs, it sure looks like we are different not broken. That's not to take away from the struggles of those with more severe autism.

MagicKnight wrote:
Plus, there's this: "everyone is a little autistic".


Sure you can say "everyone is a little autistic." Why this is wrong to say is because unless autistic traits have impacted your life like it has our tribe, then no you shouldn't label yourself "a little autistic".

Isn't everyone a little autistic?


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CarlM
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04 Nov 2019, 10:09 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:
To me that is like telling someone with amputated legs, "Well, I can jog. Why can you just not be normal and jog like I do?"


Good analogy! I run in races and a many years ago there was this young woman who would come flying by me during the race. She was an amputee (one lower leg). They have running prosthesis that are better than natural feet now. In a way, the internet is like that for me. I don't think anyone would find us different just from our writing, assuming we're not discussing ASD :lol:


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SharonB
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04 Nov 2019, 10:28 pm

I am currently "unmasking" with my family and seeking to be my authentic self. I have a sense that if I stand up for myself, ironically they'll let me be. I won't expect that they are supportive, but perhaps my internal torture will stop. My 1st world progressive NT father is trying to adjust (although well meaning, he had concluded I was lazy) and my BAP/AS mother and sister are ironically are not much (they belittled me all my life and will probably continue to, they concluded I wanted attention, was too sensitive and grandiose). My 3rd-world in-laws have accepted my odd ways b/c I am a different culture and financially supporting their son. When I go to this 3rd world country I get a "pass" to some degree b/c I don't fit in any case. By the way, my workplace now has some 1st world folks in power who have stereotypes similar to the 3rd world you mention and it's awful (for everyone, but especially minorities).