I seem to think life is a competition

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I feel like everyone else aged 20 to 29 has already achieved their dreams and goals in life except me such as got a degree, got a great job and career, found a boyfriend or girlfriend, had sex, and started a family before 30. I haven't achieved much of those things except a job I've been at for 3 years which stores books, a place which seems my ideal place to work I like reading and have been trying to write my own book but its taken ages and much to my frustration, I keep changing ideas and planning out over and over again. I do get feelings of envy when I hear of people in their early 20s with their own business and stuff and think 'How have they achieved that?'. I seem to think they all sat down for ages in the early 20s and planned everything out on paper as though it is a to-do list and like its a competition.

I feel like you're doing all right, Chris.

You don't have to do things by a certain age.

But it is always good to make progress.

Don't worry. Don't look to what you have not done or compare yourself to others. Look to your own achievements. Many achievements are things which can not be measured by anyone else. You have likely done and achived lots of things that I have not, and vice versa. And I am a 47 year old virgin... So you could most likely beat me to it in this respect! Haha!

Yup, you do seem to think that. But hey, while I do also have a job, I don't even like it. So at least you're not the only one in their twenties who hasn't really gotten anywhere.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 27, which is around average these days (most NTs I know who have moved out did so in their mid-20s, but some still live at home in their 30s). I live with my boyfriend and I love the job I'm in. But my job is only cleaning, so it's not like I run my own business or manage a company or get high pay or anything like that. But I'm happy in my job and that is important, and I may not be rich but it pays enough to survive on.

My social life isn't as successful as NTs or even other Aspies who I know of, although I do fit in well at work so I count that as part of my social life. But outside of work my social life is rather bleak. I am often ghosted by friends and I never go out to clubs or bars. I have a friend I sometimes phone up and have a long chat with, but I don't get time to see her much. But I suffer from social anxiety so sometimes I find it hard to go out except for work and shopping. I am close to my family so that's one good thing.

One seem to think life is a competition because that's what most people's idea of life is.
The same applies in any idea of success and failure, really, and the idea of comparing what others do from one's own.

On a bigger scheme of everything, there is no such 'idea'.
There is no such thing as competition or any 'right' way of living but what one makes it and their own contexts.
And thus the famous sayings of fear is the greatest enemy and why guilt is a useless emotion.

To protect the person from overwhelming choices and aimless chances, one has to hold back and one has to have a context for better or for worse -- to focus living in certain ways, to compare, to compete...



I, for one... Lack the personal reminders. As if I cannot seem to practice what I preach or do what I had already known AND what I would.
I lack the emotional and mental investment to pull the intentions, which is why I don't have those rants about other people doing better or worse than I did.
Also I tend to drift into certain ideas and beliefs, most especially whenever I get unstable or very tired of life.

Currently aimless -- more of a pinball myself, with other people and situations for a bumper, because I lack the reminders beyond that ideas of others'.

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Life is seldom linear. The majority of BAs don't lead to employment in that field, but may help give an edge in another type of work. The more successful careers almost always involve a strange sequence on the resume. You are unique, and should expect to live on your own terms. If you are more helpful than harmful, you are winning at life.
We are also living in increasingly chaotic times. Just ask a flood, fire, or war victim how it affected their career plans. There are crises in both employment and housing as well. Try to embrace change and opportunity.

^^
I agree with the above comments.
But on another note, your job sounds amazing! In regards to finishing your book- do you look at writer advice? There are several books and essays on writing and also youtube videos. I remember one where Neil Gaiman was giving advice which I found brilliant.

In the field of athletics there can only be one person in the world per event who is the "best". For those who enjoy athletics, it would be frustrating not to be the "best" if their focus was solely on competing with others. However, many find the pursuit of "personal best" to be a rewarding challenge.

I have missed many of those same markers Chris, snd looking back from age 56 I am glad I did since I am fairly certain I missed out on a pike of grief from the combination of those life choices and my personal profile.

I note more than a few of my contemporaries who went the marriage route also wrnt through divorce, and in earlier times may have had a lifetime of misery and frustration in an unhappy marriage.

I never liked to enter a competition if I didn't expect to do very well, and I used to wonder about all the guys who show up to race cars every weekend with never a hope of winning. I think that a lot of them just like driving fast, and maybe racing the guy they followed the last time. Participating in most sports at least pays dividends in fitness, which combats depression, etc. I used to race my bicycle against cars in traffic, and it really took my mind off the physical effort.

I don't want to start a family...I am happy with just me and my boyfriend, though would be nice if we could establish some friends as neither of us really have any. But yeah the last thing we want is a baby/child to take care of, perhaps a cat someday but no thanks on the miniature human.

Point is if you want a family you still have time to strive for that...but just because other people have done it by your age does not mean you have to do it just to catch up. Its if you want to have and raise a child than go for it, if not than don't worry about it...not everyone has kids.