always feeling behind in life

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I seem to think that I am doing stuff at 29-30 that maybe I should have been doing in the mid 20s such driving a (automatic) car, being half way through a paid job when I maybe I should doing at 26 when really at that time I only just started a paid job and that I should be got a career by now and be half way through it by now and as I said before I never graduated from uni at 22 and started it then and left after four months, and still unmarried without children and living in two different homes with divorced parents and their partners and I do have enough money to move out but choosing not to because I would then end up with no more money. I do just struggle to acknowledge that did things differently than other people at a different time and I feel this need to catch up and also if you haven't done those things at the ages of 18, 22, 25, and 30 then it feels like you are a failure because you haven't followed people because of what they are doing and achieved at those ages. If there are any NTs on here, I'd also like to hear what you have to say.

The gap between me and same aged people without ASC is quite wide also.

It makes it more obvious again that there is something different about me when compared to the achievements of people without similar challenges.
I'm more comfortable looking at other people on the spectrum as a rough guide to what the norms really are for me, though we too vary so differently in nuanced ways.

You can drive yourself nuts using the benchmark of others for comparison.

It might be more healthy for you to consider your own situation and take the next developmental steps that seem right for you.

Honestly, you are doing remarkably well. I am quite impressed. Don't compare yourself to people who do not have your challenges. That is not fair to you nor is it an accurate comparison.

I'm "pretty far behind" in life.

I'm a 58-year-old man with no children, and I've never been promoted on my job.

On my 30th birthday, I didn't have a girlfriend. I didn't have my driver's license. I was only a high school graduate.

I didn't get my driver's license until I was 37. I didn't graduate college until I was 45.

You are about 30. There's still time to "catch up'---and so what if you don't "catch up" all the way.

I've been going through some similar struggles recently, but I found some unexpected clarification in reading some Dave Ramsey books which were about finances and business, nothing at all about neurodiversity, but which clearly showed that a lot of "normal" social expectations aren't really all that healthy or sustainable, much less "successful," nor really producing as much long-term happiness, stability, or positive relationships as we may think.

A lot of what we perceive as visible accomplishments are financed with stupid amounts of debt that ends up enslaving or destroying people rather than getting them ahead. A lot of what gets acquired early on in life gets damaged or lost later due to not having the means to take proper care of it.

If there were a way to see the real price being paid for all the trappings of success that get flashed around, they probably wouldn't seem all that successful or desirable anymore to want to compare to, and just not having massive amounts of debt is a huge advantage and accomplishment that'll put you ahead of the "normal" majority even with relatively modest means. A small amount of positive is still greater than a large amount of negative, even if appearances don't always make it feel that way.

But even if that weren't the case, even if we were really doomed to always be running behind, life itself is not a race, nor is there even a common destination to be aiming toward. At the end of all things what's going to matter is not how much did you do or acquire, but did you enjoy it?

Where do those schedules even come from? My goal in life has been to use my unique talents for general benefit, and leave the minimum mess behind. It does not bother me at all to be childless - the machines I developed are my legacy.

I feel left behind as the oldest child in my family, my younger sisters can do things I can't do. Simple things, like go for a walk alone, and more complex things like holding down a job.