Aspigirls relationships with aspi mothers.

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Hi everyone.

My mother and I have recently discovered that we have asperger (thanks to the million books we’ve read, because we are from Argentina and psychologists kept on telling us that as we are women, we can’t have autism).

I’ve moved to Dublin, Ireland, 4 months ago and I feel depressed. I decided to move here because I had no friends in my country and to find a better future. The only friend that I have is my mother. We both understand each other so well. Before I left I was feeling sad because I was stuck in my life, not being able to find friends and not being able to find a better job, that’s why I left the country.

But I have the same difficulty here in Ireland, it is so difficult to make friends and I feel more alone than ever, because now I have nobody when I come back home. I used to hug my mum alone (she was the only one who could make me feel better by hugging).
It literally hurts being away from her. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. I’ve decided to leave Ireland once I complete my studies, but I don’t know if I should go home. The rate of unemployment there is getting higher and the idea of moving to another country doesn’t convince me at all, because I would feel alone anywhere.

Could you please give me your honest opinion? I have 3 months left in Dublin and it’s getting harder every day. My mum says I’m ruining my future, but why would I want a future where I can’t have the only person that makes me feel good?

Thank you all for taking your time in reading.

Sorry, I can't help but can empathize. My mum's battling with cancer on and off and the thought of losing her really panics me as she's like a best friend to me as well as a mother. I hate cancer.

Thanks Joe for sharing your experience. I was thinking if this huge connection with our mothers was related to being aspi.

Asperger girls can have a greater difficulty with isolation, especially if compounded with some degree of selective mutism. NT social activity can be mystifying and even if one can mask sufficiently to be included, it can still seem unsatisfying.

You might consider participating in some volunteer work (perhaps through a church). It might provide a social environment with other volunteers who would tend more towards the nurturing side of character and thus might be more open to friendships.

I think it possible that you have a particularly close relationship with your mother because you had done so much research together and discovered you are both autistic.

Making friends is a difficult task, needing to find people where there is something in common on which to make a friendship, such as a shared interest in a subject, or even sometimes just being on the spectrum and having experience in common.

Here is a link to Ireland's autism organisation which is Autistic led which may have some ways forward.
https://asiam.ie/

Here is a young member of our tribe from Ireland who puts out some videos...
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4vTAs ... iYA/videos

I will not lie, it is Very hard finding those important friends when one is both young and autistic. it is also important to avoid getting stuck with people who are not right for your profile because no one else is available. We can be vulnerable to people who take advantage. being lonely is better than being exploited by someone or stuck with fools for company.

Are systems such as skype / facetime helpful for keeping in contact and confiding in your mother.
I appreciated regular phone calls and letters earlier in my life - it took me a long time to find the one or two close friends I needed and to find places where I had others who shared my important interests

Plus, Autscape ios coming to Ireland this year.
really worth going to this event.

http://www.autscape.org/ireland/

Thank you so much Rowan! This information is gold!