Hitting myself in the head

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Sometimes I will hit myself in the head when I become stressed out. My head will feel hot and I get an urge to strike it with my hands when it happens. David Foster Wallace claimed the reason why people who commit suicide with firearms aim for their head because they hate the “terrible master” in their minds. I suppose why I hit my head because I hate my malfunctioning brain.

I also "klap" myself on the side of the head now and then if I've doe something silly.

It may be "symbolic" to hit your faulty CPU but doesn't really do any good apart from giving you a slight headache.

It doesn't mean you're crazy though.

Before I went on antidepressants I used to hit myself in the head angrily. I didn't want to hit objects or other people, only myself. My mum used to worry that I'd give myself a brain hemorrhage, but at the time I didn't care. I hated my brain so much for making me do stupid things.

Instant stimm. Is my thought. Understand the mechanism you describe here. Think some deeper more mechanical urge to innately try to increase blood flow . By succussing , a area of the brain.
Just a thought ..concepts and ideas have come along ways to explain, what was thought previously to be merely a urge of stressed or otherwise differently operating brain.

I've never noticed you post anything that suggests your brain malfunctions. You seem to be a coherent person who is able to study college level academics, hold a job, and enjoy many interests including music. You've been proactive about your own growth by seeing a therapist and more recently, by arranging TMS. You have friends, and your sisters-in-law are being supportive by wanting to help you feel more confident.

Head-hitting is a fairly common BFRB for autistic people. It doesn't mean that your brain malfunctions! The reason you feel so different to your peers is that you are living in an area where most people have significantly different values or goals. I sincerely wish you could find a way to relocate so that you don't feel trapped and alienated by your environment. Have you ever sought help from a caseworker or therapist about how to move away from your location? It's just a thought, but I believe it would really help you to feel more hopeful overall.

What Isabella said above is right.

But...

hitting yourself in the head does not strike me as being a good habit to establish.

If you crave pain find some other thing to do to substitute. Like maybe have rubber bands hanging from your wrists. So when you get the urge to bean yourself, just snap one of the bands against your wrist instead.

With the OP I don't think it's a stim or sensory seeking. It's frustration with oneself. I know, because I used to do it when angry with myself for being me.

Yes Joe90 is right there. Stimming is different - in my case, "flying" motion. I've only ever hit myself on the head after doing something silly and was frustrated with myself.

Yes dude, sometimes I do this because I hate so much my brain. I'd like to be born "normal" (or neurotypical) but unfortunately the Destiny wanted this. I think my brain like a weak CPU, like a old computer with a Intel Celeron with 512 MB of RAM. I'm feeling limited to do somethings.

Sometimes those computers can do things that other more advanced models can't! Focus on your strong points.

Yeah but it's a little bit hard to me. It's hard for you to try to focus on your strengths points when you are keep failing.

I've done this in the past. I think to relieve stress/frustration and i'd hit myself hard enough to cause swelling and bruising.

I hit myself in the head when I have meltdowns. I can't control it, my body just takes over and does things I can't stop. I hit my head because it releases the immense pressure that builds up inside when I'm really anxious or angry, or when my senses are overloaded. It's like letting air out of an overfilled balloon. I have a large bruise on my head right now as a matter of fact from a meltdown I had two days ago. I smacked my head repeatedly on my hardwood floor and made myself dizzy for a while.

Having spent the last several weeks recovering from a concussion stemming from accidentally dropping a kettlebell on my head, I can say with some authority that hitting yourself on the head is not likely to improve your experience with your brain. I recommend trying to find another outlet.

I have strong urges but also strong control. The only time I recall banging my head is when an anti-depressant made me manic. For many years I had the strongest most awful urges and cried and begged "just chop off my head!" After some less productive ways of dealing with it, I found I could go into fetal position (lying, or else upright knees against the chest) and the urge passed. Horrible feelings. So sorry. I hope you find a substitute behavior and a way "out" of your current situation.