Variable ability to converse with other people

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This may be more of a cognitive issue than ASD related, but here goes . Sometimes holding a conversation is easy for me. Other times processing responses in real time can be difficult , and just feels like too much effort is required .

I suspect it is a cognitive issue related to ASD. "Variability" sums up my brain performance, conversations included. But, its the same for my sensory issues, emotional regulation, stickiness of my thinking process, executive functioning. Each day is an adventure, I'm not sure what I'll get.

I often “get” things in retrospect which I don’t “get” in real time.

One factor might be the degree of familiarity and comfort one has with the other person. If there is a degree of unfamiliarity or potential risk, a significant amount of processing needs to be allocated to risk assessment. This can slow response time as greater consideration is given to assessing how something might be taken.

Variability is my experience as well. Some days are better than others. There are some predictable triggers, but lately it seems to be random. It is difficult to explain why I am unable to perform a task or function in an environment when I have done so previosly. As for "getting it", I sometimes get it on the spot but usually ruin it by explaining why I get it. Mostly I will get it after the fact, sometimes years after the fact, or not at all.

There's only one person I'm fully fluent and comfortable with.

Everyone else is hit and miss, and for very short periods of time. I'm thinking "Get me outta this!" for the whole conversation even if I manage to converse on topics I enjoy. I spend the whole time thinking of how to end the conversation and leave.