What Is Masking?

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(I know there are other threads like this but I feel it is good to start this one to make things clear).

Masking is an act. Masking is living ones daily life in an act. Consider an actor. An actor has their real life, but when an actor is in work, an actor is taking on another role.

To a person who masks, when they need to go to a public enviroment or a social place etc where they need to meet people, they put on an act in order that they can fit in and appear normal when naturally, if they unmask they will come across as quirky and rather odd. Masking avoids bullying and criticism.

Then there are the negative aspects of masking. One can appear to be normal and be seen as almost calm in a crises, but inside one can be screaming! Now to a person who does not mask, they will likely be screaming when they face certain situations, and someone will go to their aid. But a person who masks will find it difficult to show it, which then puts on a lot of mental strain onto the person.

Masking is like an actor working, but an actor has breaks and after he or she leaves the acting scene, the actor no longer has to think of the charactor. He or she can then have a rest.
To someone who masks, one is constantly acting with no breaks. One can be mentally tired and this can take its toll, which can result in low energy, meltdowns or more likely shutdowns, and then if pushed comes burnout and if pushed again comes what I can only describe as being fragile which lasts weeks or months where one is on an emotional and mental mess.

Now, for me it can be hard to be free from masking. But in certain circumstances I am free. For example, when walking alone on a footpath which was a railway. I get to some tall trees and I look up and am in wonder! I can't stop looking at the trees and the way the light is seen through them... I am in an amazing world of visual pleasure and freedom.
Another time I was taken by my brother and his wife on my birthday to a local small seaside resort and due to the time of the year and the weather was windy and fresh so few peolle were there.. And yet some of the seaside shops were open... And because there were few people there, and I was feeling free to express myself in excited ways... And then we went on the cliff and hillside walks... And I felt free! I was like a playful child enjoying the moment and unmasked and free! And I had soo much energy! (Often I seem to be low on energy. As I write this I realize how much energy masking takes).

Well. I don't know if what I write helps anyone or makes sense, so I am putting this out blindly hoping it makes sense. True, masking can be about supressing stims and this to me is one lesser type of masking. But to me masking is living an act when around other people where one has the feeling "If only they know the real "Me.""

For me processing things in real time as to how to be to 'fit in' is a non starter . Maybe it's the schizoaffective that makes it hard for me to do so .

Then again I've very rarely been in situations where the need to mask has been a pressing issue . With family/stepfamily I am as I am . There's been very little face to face interaction outside of that . I've never been in a work situation , so masking to keep my job has never been an issue .

I increasingly think i'm a square peg surrounded by round holes in that respect . It can make me think if any masking by me is at best minimal , and for other's it's a major thing , then perhaps I'm not a good fit for being on the spectrum.


I've not heard much in the way of those who minimally mask /or don't mask at all .

Many on the spectrum do not mask at all and their traits are very noticeable. It is better in the long run for ones mental health and wellbeing if one does not mask (If one has a choice as for me ans many others it is something that we have masked for so long that we automatically do it (Think of riding a bike. It may take a few years to learn, but once one has learned how, one will automatically do it). For me to unmask is similar to learning how not to ride a bike.

From what I've found masking and stress/anxiety robs me of energy. When I am unable to unmask (Usually when I am on my own and I know there is no one around... I have a childlike wonder and I have energy. Unfortunately when I notice someone watching me I automatically mask again).

I believe that those that mask will be the ones that would have most likely fit the old aspergers catagory as they appear as if they are allistic (NT) but all the time it is a learned intelligent act, while those who do not mask so much would more likely be classed as being under the old autistic catagory. I maybe wrong in this assumption, as it is a bit simplistic a view, but I am thinking if this assumption that I have made may not be too far off target? I have heard it said that those who mask are far more likely to have above average intellegence then those who do not mask.

That may well be true in the main , but not exclusively . I was dxed with Asperger's . My social communication score for the ADOS was 3 ( which is the cut off for autism) For reciprocal social interaction it was 5( the cut off for autism is 6)

As for intelligence I average 152 for the more reputable online verbal tests and 71 for the more reputable non-verbal tests . There are people who will tell you that just by answering randomly on such tests you'll score quite a bit over 100 . The truth is that can happen with some tests , but with other tests if you are poor at something , like I am non-verbally , that will be reflected by your score .

It is interesting. You come across as intelligent by the way you type... The vocabulary that you use... My vocabulary (Just had to ask how to spell vocabulary as I say it wrong so I am spelling it wrong) is a bit limited but I do have the ability to be able to use the words that I know in the right ways if that makes sense. I am often needing to ask what some lesser used, but relatively well known words mean. A few words you use I had to ask what they mean.
I started this thread rather then add to the last one because I felt that I had a better way of describing what masking is to those who either don't mask much or those who do not know they are masking, as how do we know what masking is referring to unless we can explain it in a way that we can understand?
Anyway. I thought I would add my thoughts to try ad add clarity to what I mean through my personal experience.

Masking is something I've done without being aware of for as long as I can remember. We generally are raised to "behave" appropriately, and as such, are expected to have manners and certain polite ways of responding to people. Therefore, what you would call masking prior to knowing that this is very much a part of autism, I would have called "conditioning" or having been brought up to behave. Now, fully understanding that I was masking, presenting in order to fit into the accepted way of being by most in the world, this explained my burnouts and effects on my physical health/immune system. Considering our identity is ever fragile, being autistic, that we are referenced to people/places/objects etc, it makes sense that we would aim for consistency in that which we are accustomed to, I would think. Hence, when working, I'd imagine many try their best to get on with their jobs, being polite and accomodating wherever expected, but the minute you're home, you unmask(for me this involved water, calming my nerves by relaxing a the tub or swimming in a pool!) and alot of time to myself to destress. I had no idea why I was always on a high for example after Uni or work)overstimulated and I wouldn't sleep for hours going over the day/night lessons as I was really in my element), but that I needed huge amounts of downtime when not working/studying in order to cope.

My son, an actor, and autistic, masks as an actor, but depending on the role, will choose to either stay in the role both on and off the stage/screen depending on how deeply he immerses himself in that individual role. Staying in the role is useful for him, and he does his best work then, but either way, it's intense. He masks for employment purposes too, and can generally let himself be who he truly is, at home and around close friends. He plays guitar and sings to let off steam.

Jane Meyerding wrote the following and touches on masking in the following. She also wrote "Hello Friend ... Now Go Away" to illustrate our need for downtime from having to mask and cope with a neurotypical world for emplyment's sake etc... "Yes, we (autistics) have areas of disability. Everybody does. Perhaps ours are "worse" in some ways, but for the most part it is just that we cannot participate fully (or with full effect) in many aspects of NT society. To that extent, we are disabled, just as Deaf people are disabled by their inability to hear in a society where being able to hear is taken for granted. That doesn't mean we can't construct lives for ourselves that are as meaningful and worthy for us as NT lives are for them. Those of us who long to participate fully in NT society will feel badly about their differences and disabilities. All of us will be more or less disadvantaged by our differences when we interact with NT society (e.g., often, in terms of employment).

-----

What is our "way of being"? It is the ways we naturally are when we stop trying to perform our existence to match the expectations and demands imposed upon us. If what is natural for us turns out to coincide significantly with the natures of a significant number of people who gather under the name "autism," then we probably are autistics -- or cousins.

(by Jane Meyerding, 2003)

I call masking via learning how to behave (E.g. to supress stimming) I call automatic masking because though it takes great effort, eventually it starts to become automatic.
Then I also add manual masking on top of this which is very conciously done. Though I may automatically turn to it, I am mentally constantly attending to it in order for this masking to work if that makes sense?

If I spent my time analysing the minutiae of every social interaction , to present myself as socially acceptable, I think I'd totally lose the plot .

Yes, "automatic masking" is a good way of putting it. I've had some autistic friends who were diagnosed very late in life, with classic autism back in the 80s. They attribute their success in life down to the strict upbringing of their parents, who insisted on manners etc, some were military, others weren't, and similarly, I've found that these fairly strict guidelines, and the way I was taught to do every little household chore, iron, cook, clean etc really helped me to cope well in life. When I behaved in a very autistic manner in school, that is presenting as mute and not speaking up when asked a question by a substitute teacher, this was the only time, I ever felt discriminated against, for being me. At the age of ten, I was hit repeatedly with what was called the bommyknocker! It had what looked like red bloodstains on the end of what was essentially a metre long thick wooden ruler. This was devastating, but I took it, and my peers supported me very kindly after the mistreatment. I never trusted that male substitute teacher ever again, and will remember him always. He lived the next street over from me and had a severely disabled son. I just thought he was cruel. By and large, I was accepted and felt I could be me, just by being silent and well-behaved. Needed a tight routine which school gave me, and order to function well in it, and my home routine, I imposed on myself(lots of sports and hand-writing practice). To mask or not to mask, that is the question ... and that would be up to the individual. I certainly would for employment purposes and for being out in the world generally, but I wouldn't if it was causing me to suffer health-wise, or if I couldn't help but be the full-on 24/7 autistic me, stimming freely etc.

Now you get why it can be exhausting!

I tend not to mask because I don't know how. I can't control the stimming and the meltdowns, and I don't have the social skills to be able to fit into a conversation without raising awareness of my oddity. People tend to find me "cute" and "quirky", they treat me like I'm younger than I am because of it, whether or not they know I have autism specifically. My mom once told me that the reason she introduces me as "This is my daughter, she has autism" is to prepare people for the fact that I'm very likely to do or say something odd or potentially inappropriate. She wants to spare me and herself the embarrassment of having people not understand why I behave as I do.

I'd say if it gets to the stage that you're exhausted through analysing the minutiae of every event ,interaction etc , then there's a need for control that points to a degree of OCD as well as of being on the spectrum .

Pretending to be something I'm not. I've done it for 32 years.

I like your description. I've a real issue as I'm in my 30s and only recently been told by my therapist about ASD, after I mentioned things like I feel like I'm always acting, but I'm so confused as how do I know what is beneath the act??

If I mask then I'm not aware of it . My social skills have been described as 'very poor' in the past .

Yes. Had a few battles to overcome OCD like tendencies. One took me around 30 years or more to conquor.