Finding online dating frustrating and depressing

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I feel like all I get from online dating sites are messages about the site and views and that's all I get. I message people and not a single one of them really reply at all. When I first signed up, I messaged people and got a number of responses to and would ask about meeting up and wouldn't receive anything in response and then gradually that is all I am getting lately. I don't know what I am doing wrong.

What dating sites are you using, if you don't mind me asking? There are some dating sites out there, that the majority of people only use for hookups, as opposed to seeking serious long-term relationships.

Also, what are the opening sentences to your messages?

People on dating sites can be incredibly picky and fickle anyway, as it's an already superficial state of affairs.

The ignorance is most likely indiscriminate, as these people most likely get dozens of messages from people on a daily basis, especially women from men.

I empathise with you on how incredibly frustrating it is. I was there, once. Messages only ever being that. I did eventually go on dates and meet people, but they to never surmounted to anything.

I found dating sites very difficult to use. How would I know how many other women were talking to the man I was talking to? How did I know who he really was from his profile picture? I talked to this guy one time who said he won't add me on Skype until we found out a bit about each other, so we messaged backwards and forwards until he asked me how I felt about him. I said that I think I like him judging by what he likes and stuff, but when he revealed himself on Skype I found he wasn't what I was looking for. I'm NOT saying he was ugly or anything, he just wasn't my type. I know it shouldn't be about looks but with me it has to be something about their looks that attract me sexually before I can get to know them properly. So when I called it off, he wrote me a nasty message then deleted me.

So I deleted my account and gave up using any dating sites. This is going back years.

If I were ever going to use a dating service at all, I certainly wouldn't use a mainstream one. I'd use one for people who share some specific nonmainstream interest/hobby/worldview/whatever of mine -- the more esoteric, the better.

Mainstream dating services, because of their mass market mentality, are intrinsically very status-conscious, making it very difficult for anyone but the prettiest and the richest to to find anyone at all.

If they cause you more harm than good then I'd recommend either stopping or taking a break from them... or perhaps trying a site you haven't tried before if you don't feel like quitting or taking a break.

I too have noticed that they seem to have more people who look for hookups (or maybe I just attract that type) than people looking for actual relationships... some people send inappropriate message right away, some suggest a meeting after just a few messages without even knowing anything about each other... yuck, just yuck. I've personally given up on these sites, at least for the time being. Maybe I'll try again at some point, though. I'm also glad that I tried one, otherwise it'd probably keep nagging at me from the back of my head that I should try one of those things after all.

A good thing to keep in mind with how you started the profile and getting responses and now you don't is, depending on which site/app you use. They have an algorithm they implement. The more views/swipes you receive, the higher up on the "stack" your profile and messages appear, i.e., the more girls like your profile, the more your profile will show for other girls and also above other guys. So your messages might currently be put at the bottom of their inbox. A good way to get out from the bottom of the stack is to change your pictures and profile text every now and then.

Like I said before, if I wasn't taken already I would date the OP.

That's a familiar story for men with dating apps im afraid, women get lots of offers and can afford to be very picky. Its not you, its not a level playing field.

^^Very correct. You can say the same with dating in real life by talking to women at bars, bookstores, etc. We're the ones who offer, and they're the ones who choose. It can be annoying and discouraging, but I think it's fair.

There is a reason for that: when I did the online dating thing, I learned very quickly that if you didn't set up a meeting within 3 days, the other person would usually lose interest: after 7 days it was a lost cause. I didn't like being that way but the average person online had the attention span of a fly. When I first tried online dating I tried to take my time and without fail, the other person would flake before meeting, likely because someone else 'got to them' first.

OP, for what it is worth both my wife and the last woman I seriously dated before her told her that online dating was an absolute last resort for them. In short, it is better to just live your life as you will probably have better luck that way. Online dating is indeed frustrating and depressing and I don't miss it for a second!

I can understand that in a way, but there's no excuse for people who insist on a fast meeting after the other person has stated they don't do those.