People saying "that's obvious!" to your queries

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One of the things that really irks me, and I get it less now thanks to great strides made to "pass as normal", is when I posed a question to someone to clarify something or perhaps it was some aspect of unspoken norms or what-have-you, and the person would respond curtly with "well, it's obvious!" or "that's obvious, I'm surprised you don't know that".

I think in those cases, your best bet is to respond with "well, it's actually not obvious to me, or else I wouldn't be asking".

If you're in a high-pressure work environment like a small software startup and/or sales or something, then they will probably be less forgiving of this - or if you're in any kind of police work - it's a very "high context" culture, where it's based more on socio-emotional intuition and less on analytical reasoning (read Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink" if you haven't done so already).

If somebody does this curt reply more than once, you can get progressively more indignant to subtly let them know that *they're* being the difficult one, and you're being the conscientious one. Although, I admit, the temptation to be more abrasive is there

You can phrase it like a rhetorical question, i.e. "well, if it was obvious to me, would I be asking??"
OR you can constructively reframe it: "I'm not asking this due to lack of confidence - just the opposite, I'm asking due to a lack of certainty; I'm bold enough to openly admit it because I want the best results."

Or one that I really like, in spin-doctoring things: "I'm not dumb or oblivious; I just have high standards for things making sense. I think like a lawyer. And you know what people think about lawyers."

Sometimes, it might work to reply that you are "Just checking." You might also try taking a guess, and saying one or two words as a question. The idea is to save time for others, and act less like a robot.
Ken Kesey once hired a crane operator, and started getting pretty irritated that the guy would repeat back all of his instructions for confirmation before pulling his levers. Then Kesey realized how much of a problem it could be if there had been any misunderstanding.

I say this a lot to my mom which is quite mean of me. Actually she did and does it to me so I finally reacted.

I know it's hypocrisy because I ask or dont understand obvious things, too. Nobody says 'that's obvious' to me though besides my mom.

I think that's quite rude and you should explain that what's obvious to one person isn't necessarily obvious to another, and explaining doesn't cost anything.

One thing that makes me feel vulnerable and like the lowest dirt is being incompetent, or when people perceive me that way.

Sometimes, I am reluctant to ask for help because of this. My mom called me out for it multiple times and somethings have come up at the workplace.

A few months ago, my mom said that not asking for help when someone needs it reflects a lower functioning level in that area.

She was in a state of anger when she said it over something that I messed up, but that hurt me, and it replays in my head over and over again.

When I do get around to asking questions and people frame it like the question is obvious, it makes me feel terrible and like the person thinks I'm stupid. I take a lot of pride in the areas I am actually competent in.

Or when people call me out for stating the obvious. It's not that I only focus on things on the surface level or am shallow, but I'm very socially awkward and sometimes I don't know what else to say. If I didn't say anything, I would keep my mouth shut the whole time, and am generally very quiet.