Walking Past People
I have lots of trouble politely walking past people. Strangers on the street, acquaintances from the neighbourhood on the street, coworkers at work, other dog walkers on the street.
Apparently if you dont know someone, it's not necessary to nod your head and/or smile. But how do you know if you know them unless you look at them to see if you know them? But apparently if you look at someone you have to give at least a positive look or smile or nod. But I'm so worried about the whole situation that my face shows fear and tension so they either get a stressed out look, or a fake looking smile.
And what about colleagues at work..nod every time? Say hi to each person you walk by? Or just the first time every day say good morning? What if you dont even know their name?
Since it's so confusing I started just looking down and not making eye contact, but alas, that seems to upset people too.
Does this sound familiar?
At some point I realised that my breathing was very shallow when I passed people and so I focused on breathing normally, that seems to have helped a lot. Also looking down ruins your posture. I've tried yoga and that didn't help much but finding a sport that got me breathing deeply has helped with that.
Dear_one
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Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 76
Gender: Male
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Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
Around here, it is very common for people to wave a bit as they pass, even with strangers. Drivers lift a few fingers from the top of the steering wheel. If I look and wave, I feel like royalty, and if I don't, I might seem like a self-absorbed arse, but a substantial percentage don't wave back either. I just try to not wave at women too young for friendship, but I don't worry about it if I'm watching the birds instead of the hands.
Apparently if you dont know someone, it's not necessary to nod your head and/or smile. But how do you know if you know them unless you look at them to see if you know them? But apparently if you look at someone you have to give at least a positive look or smile or nod. But I'm so worried about the whole situation that my face shows fear and tension so they either get a stressed out look, or a fake looking smile.
And what about colleagues at work..nod every time? Say hi to each person you walk by? Or just the first time every day say good morning? What if you dont even know their name?
Since it's so confusing I started just looking down and not making eye contact, but alas, that seems to upset people too.
Does this sound familiar?
Yes it sounds 100% familiar to me. I hate passing another person on the sidewalk because to be honest I don't know what to do. I rather not make eye contact but that seems to make them stare more, like they're wondering why I'm not looking at them or something. I can feel when somebody else is staring without me even having to look at them, and it makes me mad how someone can stare so much at a stranger who is not looking at them. I wish avoiding eye contact with strangers gave out the message "I do not feel like looking at anyone today so please don't look at me" and they at least obeyed it.
Then there's the consequences you get when you do make eye contact with a passing stranger, even if I smile. They will either stare or look away, so it feels like I'm still doing something wrong.
When I was a kid and teenager I used to be able to make eye contact with strangers naturally, but ever since I got laughed at by people when I slipped over on a patch of ice on a snowy day (about 9 years ago) for some reason I've been too conscious of how I present myself in public, and naturally making eye contact with strangers has been affected the most.
So it's made such a simple everyday thing (passing strangers in the street) into a very difficult situation each time.
_________________
Female
Apparently if you dont know someone, it's not necessary to nod your head and/or smile. But how do you know if you know them unless you look at them to see if you know them? But apparently if you look at someone you have to give at least a positive look or smile or nod. But I'm so worried about the whole situation that my face shows fear and tension so they either get a stressed out look, or a fake looking smile.
And what about colleagues at work..nod every time? Say hi to each person you walk by? Or just the first time every day say good morning? What if you dont even know their name?
Since it's so confusing I started just looking down and not making eye contact, but alas, that seems to upset people too.
Does this sound familiar?
Yes. Very familiar. I am fortunate to live in an area where everyone will smile or say hello to each other as they pass. If it is busy then people dont do it... But normally people do.
Now I have prosoprognosia at times. I dont know when it happens as it is one of those things that one only knows when others ask why I ignored them or didn't seem to realize who they were in a conversation. (Has happened many times! Like "Hello. Do I know you?"
"I hope so. I'm your Mum. You live with me. Remember?"
That sort of thing, so I often find I can lose people from my life who don't know or believe I have this problem, and...As I tend not to remember names or faces it can be a problem. I sometimes forget what I look like and have to check in a mirror and try to stare at myself in the hope that I will remember!).
Anyway... I soon learnt to smile and greet everyone just incase I may upset someone who I know, and in the area where I live, it is easy as everyone else greets each other. The only problem we have is the many newcomers to the area who don't do this. It is considered the height of rudeness in my area not to at least smile.
Oh yes. I have issues looking directly at people when I talk to them so learning peoples faces is not easy! I can look direct for a moment but I usually need to stop talking and just stare... Which can make the other person feel rather awkward!
Also, where I live in the countryside where we don't meet that many people, it is not a problem to smile, but when I head for town, trying to nod and smile to soo many people is tiring... So when lots of people are around we all decide to just smile back to those who smile at us and leave it like that.
Driving... If we drive along country lanes and one of us pulls in, we always wave as we pass. Everyone does. Is polite. But on a main road we don't, unless someone is held up with parked cars and is aaiting for us to pass... We wave as a "Thank you for waiting" sort of thing.
Does this sound familiar?
YES. I've always been so uncomfortable starting since I was a little kid. Whether it was passing a person on the street in my neighborhood, or passing in the hallway at school or at work. I walk my dogs at night so there is little chance of passing anyone, especially one who might stop and talk. Just so crazy uncomfortable about it.
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