Pain and stress
Hi everyone. I just need some advice. I'm working from home now because of the virus and I've been getting a bit worked up about some pain I know I am going to feel in June.
Let me clarify, I am a teacher's assistant and I work with a lot of kids when school is in session. But, the one I've been with the most is going to middle school next year. (5th grade) He is a very difficult kid to some but I understand him. I usually know what he needs and I can recognize when is dysregulated. I have a good rapore with him even though he can be mean sometimes. I guess you could say I love him like a son. (No disrespect to his wonderful mom)
Anyway, with this distance learning, I was online talking to him for almost 2 hours doing his school work. I laughed and smiled so much because he seemed to be better and a little less stressed. But with not going out as much because the state is basically shut down because of the stupid virus, I've had a lot of time to think. Our days together are numbered. And on the last day of school whether its online or in person, I'm going to have to say goodbye to him most likely forever. I have no idea what I'm going to do. The thoughts make me cry and they keep nagging me. I know it's all part of the job but it's super painful. It's almost
like my mind wants me to feel the pain early to prepare myself for the devistation. This combined with the virus news I hear all day long on every tv and radio station adding in the fact there's nowhere to really go except the grocery store is getting very stressful. I just need a way to numb the pain. Any advice?
Do you communicate with his Mum?
I am in tears as I write this.
Because while I was growing up, we had a wonderful family friend. She was a retired school teacher. I called her Mrs James. In reality she was a miss, as she never married. She was wonderful.
She would visit us quite often. She loved visiting us and we loved having her visit.
Oh, and wow... We had some adventures together. She had a little red Mini. (The older type back in the days when they were still making them so it was fairly new). I remember going to Laugharne with her in the mornings. She took me, my brother and my Mum and we had a wonderful time. She took us to the bakery that used to be there and we found out why we had to go early in the morning on our little adventure. Fresh warm scones! Ooh they were nice! We would explore the lanes and also walk round the perimiter of the castle and back...
And we had so much fun!
And I can remember outher trips and outings.
Oh. And I can remember a few of the funnier things that happened to her. One was when she went to sit in our swivel chair. It was comfortable but old. It had seen better days and the swivel mechanism also was sprung so it could rock back and fore. As kids we used to play on it because it would freely swiven. It would go round so freely we could easily get dizzy. I used to spend hours just turning round and round on that chair.
But one day the rear spring had broke which was responsible for the fore and aft movement, but we still used it. We just didn't lean back.
Well, one day we had a visit from this elderly lady who I called Mrs James. (Both my Mum. And Miss James had tried to correct me that she was a miss, but it stuck in my mind with Mrs, so we all called her Mrs James. She didn't mind! They even tried to get me to call her by her first name, Rosemary (Even though it was not customary to use a first name out of respect) but no. She was Mrs James!) But this one day I remember with amusement. We had forgotton to tell her about this chair. We thought she knew. She sat on it, went to lean back and she was over with her legs in the air! Oh it was funny! We all laughed. She laughed... HAHAHAHA!
Another funny moment I remember was when we moved up here. I think she may have had her newer Mini by then (Same smaller type of Mini as she had before but I think it had a 1400cc engine? It didn't look sporty or anything but was a new car. Even back in those days they were considering disscontinueing the Mini but the newer Metro (Which was popular in itself as it was very easy to drive and had very good vision from the driving seat) had not captured the imagination of the Mini buyers...) Minis continued to be sold for about another 10 years...
But se came up to visit us. And we had a new dog who was quite a young dog. The tail end of being a puppy. He was a cross between a spaniel and a labrador and he was strong and lively. He was not quite fully grown but he was almost, and when he grew up he was almost the size of most average labradors. But think of this dog as an early teenager who was almost full size.
Well. Mum asked me to take him for a walk. I was a teenager myself in those days. I was about to but Mrs James insisted. My parents did try to warn her that he was a strong dog. She insisted. "I've trained lots of large dogs in my life!"
Ok, so reluctently we gave her the lead of our excited young dog called Victor, or Vic for short. (Someone once gave us old cinema speakers which were basically scrap andhad this nice large metal casting with the makers name "VICTOR" on it and I took this off and fixed it to the door of the dog cage. It is now fixed to a wooden shed.
We watched as Mrs James dissapeared at speed up our long drive. The drive has about a 1 in 6 gradient. I remember watching her and thinking to myself "Look at her go!"
"Oh, oh, oh! Mrs James said while her legs started to go much faster then I had ever seen an elderly ladies legs go! She was in her 80's....
Mum said "Quick. Go and rescue her!" so I ran up the drive and I think I caught her up at the top of our drive which is about the length of two large busses before it turns.
Memories!
Sadly she died when I was around my very late teens, maybe early 20's, not that long before or after my Grandad died. (I hardly remember my other Grandad as he died when I was about a year old. I think I vaguely remember him, as I remember him being there).
But these two people. My Grandad and Mrs (Miss) James... When they died they left a HUGE gap in my life and the lives of my family. I am in tears!
So maybe, you can visit his family now and then. Once a month maybe as a family friend? E would be delighted to see you! Take them on an adventure now and then! Be a piller in their lives!
My Mrs James would visit every now and then. Maybe once a month. Maybe once a fortnight. Oh it was such a joy to see her! Me and my brother would be jumping for joy. (My youngest brother had not hatched out yet until I was 18 so though I think Mrs James may have seen him as a baby or a toddler, it was only just).
So if the family is willing, and you want to, I think it might work! Not as a teacher but as a family friend! Yes. It might work!! !
"So maybe, you can visit his family now and then. Once a month maybe as a family friend? E would be delighted to see you! Take them on an adventure now and then! Be a piller in their lives!"
Thanks so much for the heartfelt advice and I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm not sure if this idea would work out or not. I would love it if it did but the thing is, I have no idea where he lives and I've only met his mom once in person at a meeting. Sometimes I message her about him just to say like hey "please tell your son I'm available online if he needs some help on his math." But I've never talked to her on a personal basis like that. While he already has an official mentor, I would like to sort of take on that role. Maybe I could write him letters and mail him birthday and christmas presents. I'm not sure how I would get this going but I like the idea.
Yes. Birthday and Christmas cards are a way to start. And maybe a friendly phonecall now and then to see how he's getting along.