Autistic Revelation.

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When you found out that you either are (If you have been assessed) or are most likely to be on the autism spectrum, what aspect of the revelation was the most valuable to you?

For me it has been a lifelong hunt to try to find out what the shutdowns were. I was unable to explain to doctors and doctors were unable to find anything via tests. Foe a fair few years with a past doctors surgery I used to have they unoficially branded me as a hypercondriact as they could not find anything, and the receptionist limited me to one GP visit a year and that was only 3 minutes long and timed by the doctor who was looking at his watch held up in front of me as I was speaking to him, and he was not even listening to what I said.
It has effected my ability to speak to doctors and open up as in my mind I am trying to explain without clamming up with mind blank and due to my previous experiences, I was very concious not to waste doctors time so I either tried to come out with things quick (Which wasn't possible) or not at all... I felt like I needed a whole day to try to explain to doctors rather then a few minutes, and I actually wanted to try to arrange for a vet to examine me, because I reasoned that vets can find things in animals without the animal needing to speak... So to me it seemed the logical way forward at the time was to be examined by a vet! But unfortunately this is not allowed and you can imagine me sitting there in a vets waiting room without an animal trying to explain myself!!

So to me, I was soo relieved when I joined this site and discovered through some very clever people in here that I was experiencing shutdowns... And when I saw the autism people on an open day, when they almost confirmed that they were full and partial shutdowns (They want to assess me to be sure) it was such a huge event for me that I suddenly opened up... It was like a whole river which had been dammed up had suddenly been let open! Wow I needed that! So many years of emotions started to flow! (They may not have noticed as sometimes I may not always show emotions)... But wow!

I was particularly relieved by how it helped me reflect upon failed relationships and the causation factors for these in a different way. Whilst not absolving myself of sharing responsibility for what occurred, I could begin to be a bit kinder to myself and not shoulder all the blame. Had I been able to have a dialogue with ex wives and partners framed from the perspective of ASD and the things that I find difficult then perhaps things would not have been so stressful all-round. Fearing spontaneity and suffering distress in crowded social situation was not really about me being a miserable selfish person.....

The supposedly answer to the question of: "Why am I different?" in general.


Why can't I relate? Why can't they relate? Why it doesn't work for me when it works for them? Why it doesn't feel right or the same with others?
Why do I know this? Why don't I know that? Why is this easy? Why is this hard? Etc, etc.
Why no one seem to understand it's not X/Y/Z as they presumed??

Never deliberately tried being different, my bringing and fulfillments shouldn't let it happened nor supposedly don't deviate anyone too far -- only to find out that reality as I perceive, process and therefore known, are very different from the rest.
Same space, same human essence, same world -- yet only to find out the fundamental lens I see through are different no matter how well matched of a color from others.

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I think the realization that other people are like the "inside me." I developed a good ability to analyze people and situations and determine how to "get an A," either literally or figuratively, but so many things people do always seemed dumb or unpleasant. Like hugs, hand shakes, pointless talking, not being logical about situations, making loud noises for fun, etc. I went along with it all, but it was really nice to find out I wasn't the only person who had issues with all those things and spent lots of time pretending. And a reason is nice as well.

I had wondered before learning about female autism if perhaps I had some trauma I'd blocked out that led me to hate most touching and not relate well to most girls/women, so it was really nice to realize it's more likely just how my brain is wired.

For me it was an ability to connect-the-dots and see my life as a whole, rather than a series of disconnected challenges.

Previously, I was unaware that my stimming had a name or was related in any way to my sunlight aversion. I didn't know that my BFRB were connected on a spectrum with my special interests, or that my shutdowns and echolalia had anything to do with my sensory triggers.

I had spent a lifetime analysing my disparate issues (mutism, poor eye contact, social exhaustion, naivete, straightforwardness, oversharing, difficulty expressing empathy, executive dysfunction, poor short term memory, hiding from people, high IQ and low coping skills, synaesthesia, perpetual adolescence) ... but I had no clue that any of it was interconnected.

Finally, I was one integrated person instead of a thousand unrelated issues.