Embarassing social faux pas stories
During quarantine I think I have had a bit too much time to think and wanted to yet again see if I could have any sort of consolation in the fact that I am not the only one with these issues. It's something I know logically but also it's nice to hear you are not alone.
I have often been told by my friends that lots of stuff that happens to me would only really happen to me because the level of awkward I am means that abnormally awkward and weird stuff will happen around me, with my behaviour causing other's behaviour to be similarly strange.
During quarantine I am just constantly thinking of embarrassing things I have done and because of something that happened over the internet with a friend one particular one stands out. I can't remember what I was talking about, knowing me probably cannibalism, but instead of teh person being interested in response to whatever I had said, I looked to see him staring at me nervously in silence with his mouth shaking. Now, I feel like it seems obvious this would happen but considering it is well known that a special interest of mine is true crime, which he has heard me gush on about and the fact we have had conversations about the bloody chamber by Angela Carter it was shocking to me and remains one of my most embarrassing social mistakes. It is only topped by me panicking when one of my crushes noticed me and thinking pulling my jacket over my head would make me invisible. It did not and so I then ran away as they called out to me with my jacket over my head as my friend laughed who then forced me to talk to them, jacket still over my head.
Do any of you guys mess up socially to the same degree and does it pain you as much?
I've done some stupid embarrassing things in my life but the most stupidest and embarrassing thing I ever done was when I was 14. I became rather fascinated with this group of girls that always hung about in a 6 (same grade but different class from me), and because I was lonely and desperate to find new friends, I decided to try and make friends with these 6 girls.
Of course it just headed for disaster. I made myself go up to them several times and do small talk, ignoring all the obvious signs that they were rather creeped out (they were too nice to confront me about it, which fortunately proves they weren't bullies). But I became a pest and they discreetly went to a teacher about me. When this teacher saw me lurking about outside their classroom looking for them one lunchtime, she called me in and had to tell me that following people around is not the correct way to make friends and that I should back off. She was kind and wasn't scolding me, but I still felt like I had committed a crime, like I was some pervy 40-year-old man following teenage girls about or something.
I don't know why I did what I did. I knew better than that, despite being Aspie. Even at the age of 7 I knew better, so I don't know what I was thinking at 14.
It's still something I feel ashamed about as an adult, even though those girls are probably getting on with their lives and have long forgotten. But I haven't.
_________________
Female
I'm falling into the trap just as you say. Impressed with your self-awareness, as it only took me til about 40 minutes ago to realize (when I cried in front of XH which made me look back at why I can't snap out of it)
Not exactly social FAUX pas only but also things that I'm not sure whether it was ethical/morally justified or not.
I also, for social stuff, keep replaying the scenes in my head and going through how I moved my face during (like, i redo it) then I look in the mirror and note how it looks trying to figure out how it looks from the other person's perspective (if they read something else into it).
Same with conversations.
It's total bonkers, I told myself just now it's keeping me stuck and the goal should be to keep from being stuck, and keep moving forward.
Stuck means I was stuck for years, as my life before this was basically the same as everyone is experiencing now, for at least 15 years.
Now it's exacerbated even MORE
and the stuff I'm replaying is my brain's way of trying to find a FAMILIAR STRUCTURE/THOUGHT PATTERN instead of floundering aimlessly.
Dwelling on known things is easier than trying to figure out new things intentionally esp as my organization of anything, including thoughts, SUCKS.
(can see this in the way I write)
Which means
1. Structure is needed.
2. Purpose is needed
Both of these I have to form on my own (no outside person will do it for me) , and it's not something I have been able to do intentionally, on my own completely.\
And to sustain the structure and purpose is even more difficult esp as with kids esp autistic ones, things need to be monitored closely and change often--
and my brain is always anticipating the inevitable interruption/duty calls thing.
_________________
Take defeat as an urge to greater effort.
-Napoleon Hill
I continue to say stupid things. I have a habit of saying fewer words than the ideas I have in my head, and too often don't state the point of my comment right away. This leads to speculation about what I meant. If it's information I can always expand, but if it's personal I mess up a lot - it sounds like I'm insulting people sometimes. Until I explain further, but by then it's too late and the mood has changed. I've had my entire table stop and stare at me at a restaurant more than once.
I accidentally say insulting things a lot and then have to fumble around a lot as I try to fix it. Luckily anyone who has been around me for long enough knows that sometimes what I come out with is not what I intended and I feel really bad afterwards. I think this is how I still have friends, despite often doing very stupid things.
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,721
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
During my first ever outside-of-school get together with my first girlfriend back in 7th grade, I attempted to tongue kiss her. She broke up with me after that and her friends thought that was disgusting of me as well.
Before the flight for our class trip to DC in 8th grade, there were some things I messed up on while getting thru security so I had to go back and I was separated from my group. I hadn’t been on a flight since I was 7. After we landed in DC, we went to this mall with food court. While walking a long ways there, I was going at my normal pace and my classmates and one of the chaperones were told me to speed up multiple times. Combine that with what happened at the airport earlier, I broke down crying right before we got to the food court. The rest of that trip went well, tho.
_________________
Early 20s male with Asperger’s and what feels like a mood disorder
I still cringe to know I was the "strange" girl, but I am otherwise rather unapologetic for my faux pas. I am approaching 50 so I have a different lens. I am definitely looking to shed my shame (past and present). There is only one situation I that I want to "right" --- and I will. The other stuff... bygones. I internalized SO MUCH as a child and young adult... I've become a bit blithe in my old age. (I still internalize a lot, but less so.)
In elementary school I remember a particularly large meltdown (about relative direction) - oops. I remember not catching on to the class joke (and so being the butt of it) - oops. In HS, I remember a friend trying to include me and I didn't respond "correctly" - oops. I remember when I reported a girl's private concern to a teacher --- apparently I was supposed to comfort her instead? --- and it became a WHOLE big thing - oops. I remember at a dance being told I was being weird (pacing) - this one pains me a bit b/c I love to dance. But again, although I cringe, I am more so defiantly proud. I was out there, doing my best. It's how I live now --- I put myself out there a lot and I fall on my face, but I can also be a powerful agent of change (or perspective).
Oh, right. I hid in a closet when my sister hosted a surprise birthday party for me. Flash forward thirty years when my husband hosted a surprise birthday party (old people are quieter) and I handled it well. Its nice that for me, age and wisdom softened the regret of younger years. My 20s and 30s were fairly excruciating. Although I still ruminate, it's far less. Phases of life.
Two years ago, my ASD-like daughter got upset and started to spit (into her birthday cake). I quickly pulled her aside for thirty seconds for her to calm down, then we went back and continued. At her birthday last year I had a quick meltdown in front of the other parents. I wasn't diagnosed (or self-aware) yet so blurted out "I can't handle this" and left the room. Now I know to ask for help, or say "I need a quick break" --- and to wear my hi-fi earplugs in the first place to reduce one stress (of many).
Two years ago, my ASD-like daughter got upset and started to spit (into her birthday cake). I quickly pulled her aside for thirty seconds for her to calm down, then we went back and continued. At her birthday last year I had a quick meltdown in front of the other parents. I wasn't diagnosed (or self-aware) yet so blurted out "I can't handle this" and left the room. Now I know to ask for help, or say "I need a quick break" --- and to wear my hi-fi earplugs in the first place to reduce one stress (of many).
I handled birthdays for my boys by going out to an amusement site (got out their energy, and I used excuse that it cost more so kept kids down to 4 or so). Then back to the house for pizza and cake for 2 hours. If the kids were good I would invite them to stay longer. I only chatted with the parents at pickup - I never invited them to stay. The kids always seemed to have fun!
Neat that you were self-aware to do that! A great example of less is more!
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