How do you get family to understand your aspergers?

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Please refer to this thread I made about my current situation:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5896088.html#5896088

I think my dad and my mom just need to understand how to communicate with me better. Does anyone know of a website, article, or book that is geared towards adults dealing with adults with autism spectrum/aspergers? OR do any of you have advice on how to help explain it to my dad better?

Also, how do I explain? should I write in in a letter? Or confront in person? The second method makes me nervous.

Sorry for making multiple threads, but now I really have a second question.

I need advice badly. Because of my aspie ways, my parents have adopted the most passive aggressive methods to deal with me. This in CONFUSING and ultimately HURTFUL to me. And I don't think I can get along with them if they keep avoiding our issues.

The last thing my mom said to me today was that she felt they couldn't talk to me without upsetting me. That I would just "get mad". I am "mad" because they keep hiding how they feel instead of confronting problems they have with me directly.

Help? advice?

In my experience, you can't ever get someone to understand neurological issues that they do not experience themselves.

If they don't have constant sensory overloads that cause anxiety and panic attacks and lead to shutdowns and ultimately meltdowns, then everything we do or say is an immature overreaction to an invisible (and probably imaginary) problem.

It's nice and quiet over in their skulls, so they can't fathom why we're in such a tizzy.

While I do agree with you, there has to be SOMETHING I can do. If I can't get my parents to understand, I am going to have to move out and I don't want to. (please see previous thread).

My relationship with my parents has extreme friction right now because they're too afraid to talk to me. But they have issues with me that they don't address to my face, and its really hurtful. I feel like they should research it themselves because they're my parents. My mom has done some things to do this, but mostly they have ignored that I have it or just said I was too sensitive and that I get "upset over nothing". I am really struggling and I don't know what to do.

If it were me, I'd try writing them a letter rather than attempting verbal communication, because I am just awful at that. Let them know that back-and-forth conversations are hard for you, and that you need extra time to think about how to reply to them. In your letter, ask them specific questions that you need them to answer – for example what they think would be a fair arrangement for everyone involved. And then they can either respond in writing, or tell you verbally, and you can take notes and think about your next response.

I've had to take that approach with my own parents, and have made some good progress that way. And by giving them carefully thought-out, written replies, they might see that you are capable of having a productive and rational conversation, instead of just getting upset and making no sense (which is what happens when I try to communicate verbally!)

In terms of getting them to understand autism... That is definitely hard. It's a complex subject that most people don't want to learn about in depth, so maybe just focus on the issues at hand, and let them know your specific struggles and needs in regards to the situation.

Anyway I hope some of that helps... Good luck talking to them!

You are so kind and smart to come up with such an elegant solution. This makes much more sense to me now. I think I know what to do. thank you.

So far I sent my mom and dad a link that discusses in simple terms what conversation is like for an aspie and he called me as soon as he saw it and told me he was sorry I had a bad day and that he was giving me and my married financially secure sister *rolls eyes* the cars that we are currently driving under his name. He said they're almost paid off and that he is giving us the title. He also said "I don't know what you and your mom talked about today, but i am not going to rehash it and make you remember and feel sad again" or something and he said " i just wanted you to feel better, so know the car i yours and you don't have to pay anything on it". I think this is a start. And from now on, i can assume to put forth whatever I can to them (like car insurance) to help financially.

I think this is a good start and the letter will definitively help.

Thank you aspie friends. The day is saved thanks to...SUPER ASPIES!

i dont force it upon my dad or my sister, i talk about it and they can choose to listen and be interested or not, i dont really care.

my dad has a pretty good understanding about it, so does my sister and they just chose to ask questions and listen to my opinion on things,

Well I feel like its a necessity when they start blaming my aspie ways instead of just educating themselves. I'm their daughter!

Well that is terrific news about your dad – sounds like he's really making an effort to understand your needs, and help work toward a solution to all this. I'm glad to hear it, and hope it continues!

i dont feel the same way, my dad does the same thing. having a diagnoses isnt an excuse to get away with things. some things cannot be helped, such as repetitiveness and sensory issues but if my dad is angry at me for throwing things and acting out, then i have to improve in those areas, even if i cant help it, with time i can improve.

But i haven't been acting out at all! I don't think you're getting me here.

When my Dad and Mom talk to me about an issue they have, I misinterpret everything they say because my brain is hard wired a completely different way of thinking and then I start crying because I feel overwhelmed with guilt because I don't know what to do.

I'm kind of offended you think I am using anything as an excuse :.( I am a really sweet loving daughter, I am just very sensitive.

I'm not using anything as an excuse. I LITERALLY cannot help the way I am. The need to learn how to communicate with me without getting angry with me. My dad gets angry when I cry. He'll go "WHY ARE CRYING?!".

Next time please don't assume anything and just ask, "do you yell and throw things?" Or something. I am very sensitive and there is nothing that will change that. People can tell me to toughen up all they want but I have tried and I CANNOT change who I am.