Seeing yourself as having solely financial value, as a child

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TL;DR version: as a child, I didn't see myself as a person, but rather as an investment commodity.

When I was growing up, I remember my parents getting extremely angry when I put myself in harm's way or did something that endangered my life. At the same time, my family was very poor. We had to watch all our expenses, and even simple luxuries, like a $1.79 box of Fruit Roll-Ups, were a bridge too far most weeks. (But they also bought themselves canisters of coffee for $5.99, which made me question things, but whatever.) I also learned how costly medical care and funerals are.

So, my aspie mind put two and two together, and realized that the reason my parents got so angry, is that the cost of my hospital stay or funeral was gonna be extremely high, and cause them to have to skimp on mortgage and/or food for months afterwards. It also meant that I didn't see myself as a person, but rather as a family commodity. It was understandable in my mind: they were powerful adults, I was just a lowly kid. And it was my job to bring a return on their investment. In other words, if I didn't behave perfectly, make the family look good, and get straight A's, their money was going to waste, and I was letting my family's poverty continue. Since I couldn't work, I couldn't earn money to help feed them, so I had to make do with ensuring a return on investment, with good behavior and good grades.

Scarily, I didn't view my older sister that way: I viewed her a full-fledged person on Team Parent, as she was 10 years older than me.

Of course, in accounting, there's something called a "sunk cost". That is, if I successfully took my life at age 10 (I had thoughts of suicide since I was 8 ), the money spent on diapers, baby food, clothes, school supplies, etc., was irrelevant, because it's irrecoverable. That's what a "sunk cost" is, which makes it irrelevant whether my childhood self was dead or alive. My behavior or grades were irrelevant too, for the same reasons. As opposed to, say, a large capital expense, like a truck, where the cost is recovered through depreciation, provided that it remains operational until its cost is depreciated. (Repairs and fuel are expenses, and not capital costs, the misclassfication of which led to the WorldCom scandal.) But human nature and accounting logic are almost mutually exclusive. Which meant I felt it was my job to ensure my parents, being poor when I was a a child, recovered the costs of raising me.

When I was 10, my family moved across the country, to a place with a better economy, where we had relatives. My parents' income improved a few years after that. But it took me until well into high school to stop thinking of myself as having solely financial value. (Today, my parents' income is good, and so is my own.)

So, that's basically that.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 10 Dec 2020, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

When I was young, when I walked I normally looked down as I walked. I was surprised by the amount of things I would find laying on the ground. There was a store about a mile away from my home. And I would walk to it without a cent in my pocket. On the way I would find money - pennies, nickels, dimes on the ground and put them in my pocket. Sometimes I might find a glass bottle that I could redeem for a nickel. I would check the outdoor pay phones when I arrived at the store. Sometimes they would contain a dime or quarter.

In almost every case by the time I arrived at the store, my pocket was full of money. I would buy a candy bar or a comic book. It was like going on a treasure hunt.

At an early age I began working. I had chores to do around the house for which I received an allowance. One of these chores was cutting the grass in the yard. This learned skill evolved into one of my first occupation, which was cutting the grass in the neighborhood. The hardest part was not cutting the grass; it was knocking on the door of a stranger, talking to the person inside and then offering my services. In the winter I shoveled snow from the driveways. I also sold garden seeds like a door-to-door salesman in the springtime. I became a little self-sufficient. I earned enough money to buy my passion at the time (comic books), along with candy, ice cream and other treats. All this happened before I even entered Junior High School.

By the time I was in my second year of college, I was financially self sufficient. I worked my way through college.

So I never considered myself a commodity. Rather I viewed my skills as a means of achieving independence.

I was not so much a commodity as a tax deduction.  Even after I left my parents' home and lived on-campus, with as many as three part-time jobs to support myself and pay my tuition, they still claimed me as a dependent on their taxes until I turned 21.

I did the same thing. I don't remember if my old state had container deposits, but my new state definitely did not, because I thought about earning money that way. Many a time, I'd look for dropped coins on the ground or check payphones, then hoard them for a Snickers bar from a 7-11 or a popsicle from an ice cream truck. Occasionally, my parents would give me small amounts, up to $5, for good grades and such. One time, I found a bunch of $1 and $5 bills at the bottom of a swimming pool. (Someone's swimsuit pocket must have bust open.) I couldn't stop smiling for days.

Another time, shortly after we moved, my older sister told me she could get me a job washing people's cars, when we saw a charity car wash in some high school's parking lot; I was 10, she was 20. I got really excited, and kept asking her when I could start. Because not only would I have my own income for candy and junk food, I thought my parents would love me more if I helped feed the family, because I'd recoup a part my own childcare costs. She later told me it was a joke.

In some states (if it's not a federal tax code), that may actually be legit. They may have been paying for parts of college you weren't aware of, like room and board. Or maybe having a child in college in itself is sufficient for a "dependent" classification. Besides, under the ACA (Obamacare) law, you're eligible for coverage under your parents' insurance until age 26.

I grew up in a very poor family of 6 children and our mother died young, low 30s. I got myself a job as soon as I could, so I could pay for my own textbooks and uniform. Since I was born a girl, my father wouldn’t allow me to continue on to Years 11 & 12, no matter how good my grades. He believed females are for marriage, not working. Very old-fashioned, though not uncommon beliefs in Aus at that time. My brothers all became entrepreneurs, and we all went on to have our own businesses. My eldest brother became a millionaire by the age of 30. My brothers are all AS. I think growing up and going without, made us so much more appreciative of every little thing. It likely made us achieve far more highly than we otherwise would have.

Sad to think of how you viewed yourself in that manner though...

HAH!  No such luck.  I paid for everything.  They even filed an insurance claim when I got hurt, and kept the money that should have gone to pay the hospital bills!  I had that five-figure debt hanging over my head until I was finally able to pay it off two years after graduation.

I don't think my AS mother would have had children if she hadn't been trying to "do her duty." I'm not so sure about my father, either. Their job was to feed me on schedule, etc, and mine was to make them look normal, responsible, and in control. I was worried about making a mistake I'd not been warned about, and getting disowned. The family was like four random roommates, with the two NTs making friends a bit. Mother got tired of the charade and left when I was 15. Two years later, Dad got me a summer job and I didn't meet his condition for coming home. Mother didn't know it wasn't my decision until she was on her deathbed, and curiosity finally got her.

I know, right?

Another thing my parents constantly did is berate me for every little transgression---because "I wasted their money by not being the child they wanted me to be". And they'd always rant to me about how every family except them has a good kid. So I came up with a solution: to "sacrifice myself" (my own words). Which meant either commit suicide or leave and never come back. But when I offered the "solution"---so that they could adopt or conceive a new child who's better than me---and tried to sell it to them, they got extremely angry. Now, I offered it out of pure love. I was willing to die to make my parents happy.

So I came to a conclusion that the "child replacement costs" were prohibitively high, so my parents opted out. I now know that an adoption costs $10,000 or so, and a hospital stay in a maternity ward to give birth is about the same plus the cost of prenatal care. I was well aware that my parents couldn't afford all that, despite being eligible for state medical assistance. So, I figured my parents chose to browbeat me into being a "good child" instead, because that was free or almost free, costing $20 at most for toys and other rewards. As opposed to the very costly birth or adoption. In my mind at the time, it was a monetary decision, first and foremost. Not unlike how it seems cheaper to constantly repair a clunker than to buy a new car.

Sadly, I could never get the "good child" thing right, causing me to constantly feel guilty about being a waste of money. Well, until I was old enough to work, when I got bitter and jaded, and no longer cared. At which point, I started appeasing my family just enough to avoid getting in trouble, and sought consolation in alcohol, and later cigarettes too.