How do you deal with suicidal thoughts?

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What do you do when you want to give up?

I have no family who talk to me outside of my parents, I have 1 friend and she’s 2000 miles away…

I got banned from Facebook a couple weeks back (for posting nudity, but it wasn’t nude, It was a Borat meme from their f*****g GIF search) … That cut me off from the little bit of contact I had with anyone. They instant ban any new accounts I make (even from my phone, different MAC and IP address, no idea how)… Appealed but ignored.

I feel like I’m a drain on my parents, and the same for the one friend I have… She deserves to not have a depressed wreck of a friend. I feel like I’m just a mental drain on her, as well as my parents. Feel like the only reason they talk to me at all is sympathy. I think they know I’d probably be dead if they left too. I can’t even talk to my parents about any of my mental health s**t… They just don’t get it… “Find a better therapist” …

2 weeks ago my truck broke down… $2000 to fix… Last week a pipe burst in my front yard… $8000 repair bill not including repair the landscaping… Which doesn’t matter, because I only had $10000 in my savings account… So, yards wrecked… but I can take showers now… look at the bright side, right?

I’m on disability (broke back, chronic pain issues)… So my truck and water pipe breaking drained my savings entirely and I have no way to replace it with my current income.

I’m 43, never had a girlfriend, do a good job of losing all the friends I make so I don’t really try anymore, the process of making friends, getting excited I have a friend, then watching it fall apart is too mentally damaging.

I am totally broke.. probably lose my house soon (Can’t afford to fix the next big thing that breaks) … Can’t afford to fix the landscaping excavator damage from having my yard dug up, so I’m sure it’ll f**k me on resale and I had to refinance several years ago so I currently owe close to normal market price. Suppose I’ll just end up filing a bankruptcy, seems like the only option…

On top of that, thanks to my health and covid, I can’t go anywhere… Can’t even go out to eat by myself anymore. Just gotta go pick up food and come home and sit alone to eat.

That was kinda the way I pretended to have a social life… Would go out to eat, or to movies alone… Being “around” people for a short period, even though I didn’t talk to anyone kinda made me feel… “part of it”.

That’s gone.

It’s all gone… All the friends ive made through my life (and lost thanks to f*****g autism)… All my money… My family… Facebook… The ability to leave my f*****g house… Which I suppose doesn’t matter since I won’t have a house soon anyway it seems.

I see an autism specialist weekly.. Have for years. Doesn’t help…. She can’t fix anything. Hell, I can’t even see her in person any more.

So what do you do when you don’t have anything left? I am in solitary confinement with cable TV and I don’t know how much longer I can take this… Only thing that has kept me from suicide for several years now is the thought of the effect on my parents and my 1 friend… but the more time goes on the more I feel like they’d be better off not having me to worry about. I’m a net loss for seemingly everyone I’m around…

Frankly, if the only reason not to is the effect it would have on other people, I’m having a problem thinking that’s good enough… If I don’t have a reason for ME what the f***s the point?

My life is nothing but pain and loneliness and I am losing my s**t. ☹ I feel like 2020 is going to kill me, soon and I don’t know what to do to stop it.

I spend hours thinking about this s**t every day… Can’t enjoy movies or video games… distracts from everything.

I know they say death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem… but the problems don’t seem temporary. They just build… life deteriorates a little further… one more friend gone... this broke or that broke.. There never is, or has been an “up side” to any of this. Pretty hard to think this is temporary.

I’ve called those stupid help lines… useless… If I actually had problems that were temporary I think they’d be more effective at “getting me through” a bad day/week, whatever… but there isn’t an end, and the best thing they advise is to find a local therapist, which I have.

All the coping mechanisms I had are gone/unavailable, or they just don’t work anymore. Lost track of all the medication’s I’ve tried over the years (all made things worse, I don’t react well to drugs).

I’m lost as to what to do.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, my friend.

It’s great that you could take showers—trust me.

The Internet is a never-ending source of many things. No substitute for a friend, though.

Repression

Diversion

Financial Advisor

Deep breathing

Meditation

Medication

Support group

Read books about your problems

You have people here with whom you can talk.

Many people here have experienced thoughts similar to yours.

You are not alone.

I feel you. I've been there. The drugs don't work, regular talk therapy does nothing. What ultimately ended up helping me was art group therapy. It combined a little bit of structured socialising with processing emotional issues through non-verbal means. I had never even realised how little I am able to use words to express my emotions. I'm by no means a good artist; I mostly use colours and shapes, sometimes I'll do crude drawings, anything goes as long as I feel like I captured the emotion I wanted.

Since you're stuck at home for the moment, you could watch Bob Ross videos on YouTube. (He's an art teacher, if you're not familiar with him.) I find him very soothing, and based on the comment section, so do a lot of people.

Do you have a teddybear or anything similar? I'm not trying to be funny. I genuinely find that it helps to have my friendly Teddy keep me company when I'm sad and alone.

I just try to have hope and know that my brain is lying to me.

I heard this analogy that when you spin around as a kid and you suddenly stop your vision starts to go cloudy and then darkness creeps in from the corners, almost as if it's a blinder.

That's what suicidal thoughts are like. Darkness creeping in from the corners, preventing you from seeing light or hope. You have to keep talking back to those voices even if you don't believe it at first.

You have to work on pulling those blinders back by engaging in positive activities. I myself do meditation and yoga and like to touch base with family members and online friends. I know it might not feel like it helps, but it really will eventually.

You are not alone, i have struggled with suicidal thoughts too but they do pass. My advice is try to keep busy. Physical activity and exercise also eating healthy helps.
Also when i stop enjoying things i like i try to make myself do something i dislike like household chores and stuff. And then i reward myself with something i normally like, and this time i enjoy it. If you have a lot of free time, planning your days helps it prevents you from dwelling in negative thoughts.

Ouff this is a heavy subject.

But first of all, don't feel bad for being a "depressed wreck of a friend" for anybody! Cause that is not you, it is what you are feeling and going through right now. If she understands what this situation means, she's not supposed to put pressure on you, and you shouldn't on yourself either. I'm sorry to hear that your parents doesn't seem to able to handle or see it clearly.

There's not much I can suggest about the financial problems unfortunately. I don't know if you tried to switch therapist, but if that one can't help you, please try to consider another one.

Since how many years would you say you're stuck in this BS?

I have much respect of (probably) the most terrifying state of being someone could have, so I don't wanna say anything wrong. If you'd like to share some thoughts or if it might help, you can write me a PM.


But you asked how we deal with suicidal thoughts:
Well I guess it depends on each indiviual and the reason of their misery. In my case it was surely because of my exzessive drug and alcohol use, a huge lack of sleep, burn-out from work and loneliness. First of all I had to quit the jobm ove back to mom and become sober for a while. The most scary thing of all was my concerns that my life situation is never gonna change. That's surely reason number one. So if you can make one small positive changement somehow as a first step, maybe some doors gonna open up again for you..

[quote="ElmoTheDestroyer"]What do you do when you want to give up?

I got through one dark time by refusing to go until I had finished writing up my research. There are many stories of people getting close enough to suicide that death scared them back into trying life again. One guy had to be rescued after balking on the edge of a waterfall. Another was plucked from the water after failing to die in the fall, and co-operated whole-heartedly with the rescue. However, just getting out for a fresh-air adventure can be enough. To beat depression, exercise is very helpful, along with good food, good sleep, and good conversation.

Perhaps you are stressed by living beyond your means. Some families could live all year on your water pipe money. Bringing in a roommate would help with both income and isolation, or you could explore cheaper options while you still have choices.

Poorly.

1. Speak to someone you can really trust about your financial situation I’d recommend your parents maybe or trustworthy sibling. $8000 for a burst water pipe just doesn’t seem right, even if the pipe needed digging out.

Presuming you don’t live in a mansion a replacement pipe shouldn’t be that much, plumbers would all be driving round in Ferrari’s if they earned that for a few hours work.

It’s very sad but some people take advantage of vulnerable people to rip them off. Speak to relations that don’t have a criminal record that you can trust to discuss your house and bills.

2. Are you using the same email address for fb? if so you need to setup using a different email address and maybe change a couple of details like if your name is Michael put it down as mike.

3. Your healthcare is more corrupt than those in Europe, what non essential drugs are you taking for your back. Are they addictive? Do they cause side effects? Maybe try to live without them.

4. Nothing wrong with eating out or going to the cinema but maybe your trying too hard to join activities that are closed socially to those outside the group. Even NTs don’t go to the cinema or eat out to meet others they are not with. Bars maybe but not cinemas and restaurants.

5. As I mentioned happiness usually comes from finding meaning and usefulness as opposed to chasing happiness itself. Maybe by volunteering in things could be an option. There always looking for help for animal / environmental welfare, help for elderly, mentally ill. Things the gov underfunds and volunteers fill the gap.

Join a volunteering organization with a shared goal where you are with others with the same goal. You may find friendships develop easier than you ever thought possible, don’t dwell or force things instead see it as a secondary potential and take things slowly.

6. Suicide is never the answer. Family members have to live with the most terrible guilt that makes their life unbearable. Don’t do it.

7. Exercise and maybe learn a new skill as well. There’s loads of potential skills you can learn outside careers. Try Art as well, reading

Good luck

In the past, when at my lowest, I completely attempted to leave my reality, by focussing on the life I dreamed of in my future... this involves looking for a new home and life in another country, solo(usually my home country OR a country I’ve visited before and loved. I create this new life, usually looking online at Real Estate and finding a place by the sea, and then look at furnishings for my new home, imagine the whole thing as a sanctuary or haven. I used to do just this, but now I’m living that life.

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