Authenticity vs attachment

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11 Aug 2020, 6:58 am

I was watching this video earlier. It talks about how children whose parents do not appreciate or validate their emotions end up being adults deprived of the capacity to know who they are or how they feel. Which is kinda the struggle a lot of autistic people face, with alexithymia and all. Do you think this could be one of the causes for autism? And if so, how could we heal from this trauma?

Oh_no_its_Ferris
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11 Aug 2020, 7:04 am

XSara wrote:

Do you think this could be one of the causes for autism?

Autism is something you are born with , it is not caused by bad parenting.

Alexithymia on the other hand can be caused by trauma.

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fluffysaurus
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11 Aug 2020, 7:21 am

My mum admitted recently that when I was a child she'd doubted that I had feelings I thought I was a very emotional child but in my assessment it came out that nothing showed on the outside explains so much.

So, no I've not had my emotions validated or appreciated but I think the autism came first rather than the other way round. And I do know who I am and I know how I feel, just not at the time of something. I need lots of time and distance to process.

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11 Aug 2020, 7:39 am

Bowlby and Winnicott have theories which can help us understand.

A good book I read by Sue Gerhardt 'Why Love Matters' explains this too.

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11 Aug 2020, 5:39 pm

XSara wrote:

I think it might be more that being autistic often leads to that because failure to make their emotions clear, failure to communicate, etc. Also, It doesn't really say that they are deprived of it to me it more implied sometimes they might not be sure who they are anymore or their emotions aren't' clear. Secondly, No, It seems the only reason it'd be more likely to happen to autistic children is because of the communication differences and the way autistic people express emotions and desires. I'd also like to point out there are autistic children who's parents go above and beyond to help their child communicate and express their desires so therefore that theory seem a bit bogus.
AS far as alexithymia, Alexithymia isn't really repression of emotion but not being able to read or express your emotions well. Things like Emotional blunting that'd be repressing your emotion. Having experienced both I know the difference. Emotional blunting is like putting up a damn for your emotions, You won't feel the negative or positive emotions unless they get to a certain point and the damn breaks. Alexithymia is more like, hmm what's a good way to explain it. In my experience you often feel sensations related to those emotions but just fail to identify it as those emotions. It can also be trouble explaining how you feel when you identify the emotions. You might understand you feel sad but you just can't seem to express it. Interestingly enough people with alexithymia can also sometimes express their emotions even if they don't know what they are subconsciously. My Sister says I do this. Secondly, I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that autism is caused by genetics not the environment. I'm afraid this theory just doesn't hold much weight. I fit this category as I Was neglected and abused by my mother. It seems possible that I have some attachment issues as well.
I guess i should also address the identity thing. I don't recall seeing anything about autistic people generally having problems understanding who they are more so than average people i should say. I however do have issues with my identity i can lose sense of why i do something easily. I don't really recognize my physical body as myself. I definitely dissociate some. I'm 100% sure that isn't normal for autistic people. As for identity issues on the autism spectrum as a whole I don't see any reason why it'd be comorbid.. Autistic people are probably more likely to develop some of those disorders because of the fact that autistic people are often targeted for abuse. I don't really think there's a connection.

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12 Aug 2020, 5:19 am

XSara wrote:

I was watching this video earlier. It talks about how children whose parents do not appreciate or validate their emotions end up being adults deprived of the capacity to know who they are or how they feel. Which is kinda the struggle a lot of autistic people face, with alexithymia and all. Do you think this could be one of the causes for autism? And if so, how could we heal from this trauma?

Not from what I understand about autism.
Autism is a result of biological/physical divergence, not the result of a psychological condition.

To use a computer analogy:
Autism is the result of a hardware variant, not a software one.

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