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King Kat 1
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21 Aug 2020, 8:05 pm

As the years have gone, I've become wary of sharing my interests. I think it has to do with the whole " that's stupid" "nobody cares" or just odd looks. It's like I don't want them disrespected, mocked, or ridiculed. Sounds dumb I know, but I just want to enjoy them without some idiot's 2 cents on them, this includes some in my own family as well. I'd say many of my interests are somewhat normal, a few not. Still, I just feel the need to keep them private.


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AuroraBorealisGazer
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21 Aug 2020, 9:00 pm

The beauty of the internet is that there are so many people with so many unique people with many different interests, that you can find groups for almost anything. Have you tried sharing your interests here or other in online groups? If you're not able to find anyone here, there seem to be Reddit groups (aka subreddits) for everyone.



cyberdad
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21 Aug 2020, 9:16 pm

I have a lot of private interests that I don't share in the real world.

I have tried to share them on WP and found rather than getting mocked that I was just ignored.

I just shrug my shoulders and say "meh" and keep them to myself. Nothing wrong with that.



ToughDiamond
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23 Aug 2020, 3:02 pm

I've kept most of my special interests to myself for as long as I can remember, for similar reasons. There's no point inviting contempt. The other reason is that if sharing means letting other people help, it'd likely do more harm than good. My ways of working are too eccentric and unique to me, so the result would be something that nobody was happy with. It's often too hard to communicate why I've got things the way I have.

But I wouldn't want to slam the door on collaborating. I just pick things for that which are more likely to be shareable, more conventional or in keeping with what the other people might be able to relate to. It always feels like a compromise and in many ways I prefer my own projects, but it's surprising what comes of collaboration. If I work on my own all the time I tend to go down a narrow tunnel and miss out on a lot of worthwhile possibilities that other people could alert me to.

Like others have said, the Web is a good way of finding people who happen to be interested in what you're into. Much easier than trying to find that locally.



Jiheisho
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23 Aug 2020, 3:09 pm

I am selective with the people I share with. Partly to protect the NT and partly to protect me.



Edna3362
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23 Aug 2020, 3:17 pm

I'm also 'reluctant' to 'share' interests.

Because I prefer doing it with or without others.
Not much with showing and even less with talking about it.

At best, I'd just show certain knowledge about it. I'd still prefer the practice than the theory. And if I do have theories, it's too abstract against my command over texts.


And there are definitely certain interests and several practices I'd like to keep private.

Except I'm mostly talking about guilty pleasures for an obsession or interest.
Many of which are common interests heavy with references that many would talk about. :lol:


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emotrtkey
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23 Aug 2020, 4:28 pm

I think many people, autistic or otherwise, keep unusual interests to themselves.



The_Walrus
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23 Aug 2020, 6:22 pm

Unless you have interests that are within a certain group of acceptable (very common) interests then you’ll unfortunately usually receive a frosty reception for sharing them. Modern TV, modern pop music, modern films, mainstream sports, those are really the only things you can talk about without getting a negative reaction. And even then you’ve got to share them in a certain way that NTs find acceptable, with the right level of back-and-forth and no talking about statistics...

There is a safe way of bringing things up by just mentioning the subject - if someone asks you what you did at the weekend you could say “I watched the TV show Friends” or “I did some reading about newts”. Then if they say “I love newts!” you can continue the conversation, or know it is a potential topic for future discussion.

Perhaps seek out fellow hobbyists online? There is almost certainly a subreddit for your favourite interest.



MagicMeerkat
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23 Aug 2020, 7:45 pm

Pretty much. No one wanted to hear about them when I was a child or teenager, so why would they want to know now? I got in so much trouble for talking about them when I was young...yet for some reason other people were allowed to talk about the same thing constantly...but not me. So as an adult I must know you first before I share my interests with you and it just feels weird talking about them to someone else.


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King Kat 1
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24 Aug 2020, 7:27 am

I got in so much trouble for talking about them when I was young...yet for some reason other people were allowed to talk about the same thing constantly...but not me. So as an adult I must know you first before I share my interests with you and it just feels weird talking about them to someone else.

Exactly! Like, family members or co-workers can talk about sports to till the cows come home but if I dare even talk about something I like, then NOPE!! . This why I decided long ago, that it was best just to keep them to myself.

Even if I over hear someone talking about something I am interested in, say at work, I still am wary of joining in the conversation.


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XSara
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24 Aug 2020, 8:05 am

people with autism tend to monopolize the conversation and make it all about their interest. try not do it, but once in a while you can talk about them with others, with moderation. not everybody is going to put you down. there are good people in the world. they are rare, but they exist. those are the ones that you should keep close.



ToughDiamond
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24 Aug 2020, 9:35 am

I think it helps if you can stay mindful of the listener's point of view while talking about a special interest, to figure out a few concise words, say those, and then pause. If they show interest at that point, try a little more. If not, abandon it and let the subject change. It should be easy, but the brain wiring can make it quite a feat.



AriaEclipse
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24 Aug 2020, 9:50 pm

King Kat 1 wrote:
I got in so much trouble for talking about them when I was young...yet for some reason other people were allowed to talk about the same thing constantly...but not me. So as an adult I must know you first before I share my interests with you and it just feels weird talking about them to someone else.

Exactly! Like, family members or co-workers can talk about sports to till the cows come home but if I dare even talk about something I like, then NOPE!! . This why I decided long ago, that it was best just to keep them to myself.

Even if I over hear someone talking about something I am interested in, say at work, I still am wary of joining in the conversation.



This sounds so much like how I feel. I get upset honestly if people tell me to stop talking about a subject of interest of mine so I often avoid the topics because and I know it might be over-sensitive, but I feel really hurt and it makes me incredibly sad when people tell me to "shut up!" if it is when I was talking about my special interests. It feels like rejection to me in a way, to be honest and it hurts.


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cyberdad
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24 Aug 2020, 10:02 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
Modern TV, modern pop music, modern films, mainstream sports, those are really the only things you can talk about without getting a negative reaction. And even then you’ve got to share them in a certain way that NTs find acceptable, with the right level of back-and-forth and no talking about statistics....


A really useful segway for Aspies to link up with NTs is to join a book club or fan club or for special interests. There are lots and lots of NTs who have obsessive interests in books, movies, music and sports, although it may be amusing to see how many of these NTs turn out to be undercover Aspies :lol:



Aprilviolets
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24 Aug 2020, 11:13 pm

MagicMeerkat wrote:
Pretty much. No one wanted to hear about them when I was a child or teenager, so why would they want to know now? I got in so much trouble for talking about them when I was young...yet for some reason other people were allowed to talk about the same thing constantly...but not me. So as an adult I must know you first before I share my interests with you and it just feels weird talking about them to someone else.


That's the same with me people used to roll their eyes or ignore me but they went on and on about things they were interested in like Football.



auntblabby
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24 Aug 2020, 11:20 pm

on WP i share my interests, nowhere else.