People trying to take advantage of your nonverbal impairment

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Jayo
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25 Aug 2020, 10:56 am

Have you ever noticed in the past, either pre- or post-diagnosis of your ASD/HFA (f.k.a. Aspergers) that some yahoo meathead(s) would see if they can "up the ante" by exaggerating their [negative] nonverbal signs when asking you to do or say something embarrassing, basically trying to goad you into acting like a fool (b/c they sensed something off as far as your lack of intuitive ability to pick up on nonverbal communication)?

It happened to me more than once in my early twenties, back in the 90s pre-diagnosis, and on at least one occasion I had the forethought to narrow my eyes with a look of annoyance and skepticism and say "um, I'll pass - maybe some other time, I have to get going" and got away from the situation. :)

If the imbecile in question hadn't so flagrantly exaggerated their nonverbals to see where my "threshold" was, I might have actually believed him :x

The way I sum it up is, *we* may lack emotional intelligence, but *they* lack emotional maturity.

While there was definitely the temptation to snap at them to f*** off, that could have turned very badly for me as they had an entourage, and I didn't (what else is new, ha ha). Luckily, they didn't try to follow me after my polite rejection.



blooiejagwa
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25 Aug 2020, 9:47 pm

Yeah
You put it well.
I do have to say I for one lack emotional maturity too unless you mean high mindedness or tolérance. But it's usually after a fair bit of being taken advantage of and tolerating abuse or other nonsense done intentionally to hurt me over a sustained period of time...


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kraftiekortie
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26 Aug 2020, 7:09 am

Yep....that was par for the course while I was in school....



Joe90
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26 Aug 2020, 9:49 am

Quote:
The way I sum it up is, *we* may lack emotional intelligence, but *they* lack emotional maturity.


I thought Aspies were supposed to be the ones to lack emotional maturity?


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Jayo
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26 Aug 2020, 11:32 am

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
The way I sum it up is, *we* may lack emotional intelligence, but *they* lack emotional maturity.


I thought Aspies were supposed to be the ones to lack emotional maturity?


Not the same context...I mean the tendency for certain folks to act like Beavis & Butthead when in a group / they have an audience, or act like ignorant louts. WE have a greater sense of rationality and independent thought, which is more to the side of emotional maturity, in that particular context of the term.



Joe90
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26 Aug 2020, 12:04 pm

Jayo wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
The way I sum it up is, *we* may lack emotional intelligence, but *they* lack emotional maturity.


I thought Aspies were supposed to be the ones to lack emotional maturity?


Not the same context...I mean the tendency for certain folks to act like Beavis & Butthead when in a group / they have an audience, or act like ignorant louts. WE have a greater sense of rationality and independent thought, which is more to the side of emotional maturity, in that particular context of the term.


I do have emotional intelligence, but I use it wisely, as in to make others feel good and to help others etc, instead of using it to take advantage of others or hurt their feelings in any way.


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Jayo
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27 Aug 2020, 7:48 am

Joe90 wrote:
Jayo wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
The way I sum it up is, *we* may lack emotional intelligence, but *they* lack emotional maturity.


I thought Aspies were supposed to be the ones to lack emotional maturity?


Not the same context...I mean the tendency for certain folks to act like Beavis & Butthead when in a group / they have an audience, or act like ignorant louts. WE have a greater sense of rationality and independent thought, which is more to the side of emotional maturity, in that particular context of the term.


I do have emotional intelligence, but I use it wisely, as in to make others feel good and to help others etc, instead of using it to take advantage of others or hurt their feelings in any way.


Definitely the right attitude - some folks can get seduced by "the dark side" of emotional intelligence. NTs far more likely to be so than us, gram for gram.



emotrtkey
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27 Aug 2020, 9:51 am

Since everyone is different, it's common for people to tease each other about those differences. It's also funny when people act strangely. They were probably just having fun with you like they do with everyone else. The best way to deal with it is to accept that it happens to everyone, that it's not a big deal, and that no one was trying to take advantage or harm you. Teasing people and poking fun of other people's differences is a sign of emotional maturity. It can't hurt you or make you feel worse because no one can cause another person to feel a certain way.

Everyone causes their own emotions which result from their own beliefs and what they choose to think about. Getting upset and not being able to handle it is a sign of emotional immaturity but it can be overcome even if you're autistic by learning about emotions and what causes them. The 2 most common causes of unwanted emotions are your own beliefs (either distorted beliefs or choosing to focus on something negative) and conditioned emotional responses (which can be overcome with gradual exposure therapy combined with positive thinking).