Do we get stuck on loving people?

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I've read that women on the spectrum (and it might be true for men too) are extremely loyal to the people they love, like dear friends and partners. (Family too, but family can be difficult and is more complicated.) I myself am like a dog that way. I love someone completely and it doesn't stop or go away. Even if we drift apart, unless they did something that makes me feel angry at them, and, actually, even if I'm angry, I still don't stop loving them completely and without reservations.

I know that my friend, who is autistic, is utterly obsessed with me. I think at some point I became his special interest.

I do remember ever since a kid, getting attached to specific people. Right now it's one of my friends, and I've been stuck on her for like, gosh, at least 5 years now. I wouldn't say she's a special interest, but I am far more attached to her than other people for certain.

Sounds normal to me. Some autistics struggle to feel connections or to find/keep relationships.

I read somewhere that most autistics don't really miss people (like people are easily out of sight, out of mind, to us), but then I read somewhere else that autistics get attached to people.

Quite difficult to decode.

For me that's true. If I do develop.interest.In someone as.a.friend or romantically those feelings don't fade.often. The person would have to do.something genuinely awful.for.me to.stop.caring about them.

Though getting attached to people.In those ways.is rarer.for.me generally. Especially romantically.

In my experience yes. Since i don't feel connection with most people the few ones whom i feel close to become very special to me

If I love you, I will love you always. I'm extremely loyal in that regard. That goes for friends and partners. I only love people if they have characteristics of moral integrity that I respect and admire. Most people don't lose those qualities over time even if their circumstances change, or we have an argument.

I still love my little school friends from childhood as if I know them today. I love Ross and always will, no matter what happens. I love some people I've met online, meaning I'd risk my life for them if push came to shove. I love my children but of course that doesn't need to be said. I don't love a lot of people because I don't interact with a lot of people and my standards of ethics are pretty high, but once someone passes the bar they're in my heart forever.

I don't love my exh or my other two long-term boyfriends now, but I realise that's because I never did love them in the first place. I thought it was love at the time but it wasn't. They told me we were in love so I believed them, but they weren't good people and I wasn't matured enough emotionally or philosophically to know until it was too late.

As for missing people, even when I love someone I don't "miss" them if we aren't together. I like being alone, and I'm happy for them if they're out doing whatever makes them happy. When we see each other again it's like we never parted. I wouldn't want to tie them down to my lifestyle all the time just to avoid missing them.

I rarely miss people, except those few I get especially attached to.

not me really

I am loyal. To a fault at times. I've stuck by people for longer than I should have because of a sense of duty/loyalty/whatever. But if someone matters to me, I'll do any and everything I can for them. I don't get stuck on loving people though. I've let more than a few people go over the years once I came to understand that the relationship was problematic. I've been known to burn bridges and I am one of those out of sight out of mind types. For the most part, once I'm done, I'm done.

I can only think of two people I would say I still think on who are no longer in my life. One an old friend, the other a long term ex. I wouldn't say I love either of them though. Mostly I like to think back on them and I hope they're doing alright in the now.

I doubt autistic people are any more loving than neurotypical people generally are.

I met my first real boyfriend when I was 18 and we were together 14 years, then we broke up as partners but stayed really close friends even though we lived in different states and each had other relationships, up until now, so it's been 41 years. He broke my heart a year ago and it's been terrible, but I will always love him more than anything in the world.

I don't really understand the concept of serial monogamy. When someone becomes my long term partner and I love them with all my heart, they are a member of my family. Even if we break up, they are still a family member and I still love them. It doesn't take away from the love I have for my new partner, who is also now family. I don't understand the concept, which is usual, of having a life partner and then ditching them and they are just gone from your life. How is that possible? How do people do that? That would break me. (If they did something terrible I get it, but only if it's bad enough that it's unforgivable.)

Also, I miss people horribly when they are not there, if it's someone close to me. It's like I can't tolerate their absence.

My ideal is to be with my partner 24 hours a day. That's how it was with the boyfriend I mentioned above, when we were together for 14 years. Except for work, but neither of us worked full time.

Historically I always started out being very loyal and "stuck," but I didn't tolerate being treated badly forever and always pulled the plug if it got too painful to stick around, although it was often very hard for me to do that. I've rarely kept in touch with ex-partners. There's often been too much ill-feeling between us by the time we've split up. In one case I'm sure I'd been on the receiving end of a lot of cruel passive aggression and gaslighting, but not being good at understanding these things, it took years for the doubt to go away and I went through a lot of anguish about it before and after ending things. When I did continue associating with exes, it caused problems for new partners. It wasn't fair on them to expect their blind faith that I wouldn't get back together with the ex, and it used to scare me a lot if a new partner was hanging onto an old flame. And I think when I hung on, the ex and I were unintentionally holding each other back. I'm not saying it can never work for anybody, just that it didn't work for me.

I find ASD is about extremes - so, yes, some of us love on folks more and we also neglect them more. There's a term for the feelings of friendship that dwindle with distance or time --- it's "natural" (by NT standards). I don't have that. I can "neglect" a friendship (by NT standards) and pick up right where I left off if the other person is willing - distance makes my heart grow fonder, and out of sight out of mind ---- Both. I am also very (too) forgiving.