Does anyone feel left behind?

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I feel like most of my life I’ve been scrambling to find a healthy support system. Growing up with consistent trauma can inhibit the strength of discerning early in life. However, it’s now my responsibility to change my perspectives and push forward to love.
It just seems so futile, almost every time i reach, i get burned. I just want friends who attempt to understand me with unconditional love.
When do you tell someone you’re autistic? I’m terrible with timing of course. I really like this person, how do i not scare them off with the revealing of my unusual mind. I know I dont have to, but it’s so important to me, that the people who are close to me know that i struggle.
I just wanna scream, cry, and isolate when people leave. I know it’s not me, but it hurts when your small support supply turns to only the space around you. This all sounds grim, but i feel like a lot of people feel this way. I’m alone but not lonely for you and I always have the support of the divine mother and spirit all around. I see you. I hear you. I forgive you. I’m sorry. I love you.

You are very young and have plenty of time to establish a support group.
You could start here online also.
You can gain a greater understanding/insight from others here through what they have experienced.

Personally speaking, I think forums like this one are better, in many ways, than trying to communicate in real life.

Constantly.

If you had functional parents who were not stressed out, you probably had some unconditional love. Nobody else has any particular reason to love you at all as an adult. If you think there should be more love around, start spreading it yourself, and be grateful for any that is returned.

I have good parents. But sometimes when I`m telling them simple things, like "I don`t want to eat", they acting like ..... I don't know like... Like I`m telling them that I want to get anorexia and will never eat again...

I grew up before "Aspergers" was a thing, so I didn't have any name for the problems with executive function, theory of mind, etc. that I was experiencing.

But I had a sense that something basic was wrong, and it became acute during periods when my peers were graduating from something and moving on to something else. I always had the muzzy and undefined sense that I wasn't ready for the challenges of the new phase of life.

When people were applying to colleges they had strong ideas about where they wanted to go and what they wanted to study; I hadn't a clue about either and just went along with the pack.

The sense of being left behind was worst for me after three years of college, when people were ready to graduate, start their new lives and families. I was clueless and terrified.


It was like normal people (NTs now) were reading from a script that I had never been given.

I felt behind when I was a teenager. When I turned 13 I still felt like a 10-year-old and would rather be climbing trees or playing with Lego than putting on makeup or straightening my hair.

I didn't have many friends when I was in my early teens and I was very clingy with my mum, and was like a demanding 5-year-old rather than a teenager.

You aren’t alone. I usually only have my personal space as a substitute for a support system. I am actually married but she has a career and my needs can become quite excessive for her. I have no other friends outside of her to speak of, so I can become overwhelming to her sometimes. I don’t use social media because I tend to over share, post inappropriate things, make inappropriate DMs, and it generally turns into me pretending to be NT (planning each post and comment as a NT would) and making it an unhealthy replacement for irl friendships. I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am, but it’s very difficult. I am also tired of feeling like I have to pretend to be “normal” most of the time, if that makes sense.

I have no friends. I feel left out. I don’t have a boyfriend. I only have 1 girl friend. I’ve been feeling so lonely. I feel left behind. I’m sad most of the time because I feel like no one likes me for who I am. So feel free to PM me anytime please.

I don't. Maybe never.
Underneath the dysfunctions, I'm who isn't and never was left behind in any way or form comparing to anyone else.

Instead, I'm being too ahead and having different priorities early on.


This 'self' is basically betrayed and trapped in my own body.
I'd rather want to fix this body so my life would be easier, and also I can benefit more for others around me.

I'm supposed to be a 30s something in a younger body, not really 10s or so in an older body.
And I don't just mean intellectually, but everything else really.



Even so...
With time and experience, I'd still move on one way or another, regardless of my state.

That's all I'm counting on.

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