Inflexible

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I'm proud to be an Aspie. But some of the things that come with the condition make me less proud. One thing I noticed is that I can have a very rigid mindset when it comes to certain things. I can't help it.
My behavior, my thoughts, even my imagination sometimes seem to operate in well-worn 'grooves' that I am sometimes helpless to escape. While the bug can be a feature, in that I can (despite ADHD) focus on an issue for a loooong time, it can bite me in that I can have a hard time dropping a thing, or changing the subject. Transition can be murder, obsession seems my default mode.

I can also struggle to see other peoples' points of view. Interpreting foreign social codes is a real weakness, as is understanding the motives of other parties.

If i have a dispute with another party I can find myself replaying it incessantly upstairs, rehashing it into hash.

Does anyone else have a hard time letting go, sometimes?

I can’t ever let anything go. I’m still replaying and rehashing disputes and conflicts I had years ago. Mostly I only have this issue EVERY NIGHT when I try to fall asleep. Also, if I know someone is upset, I’m very empathetic. But if they don’t communicate to me that they are upset and why, I can’t ever understand what’s going on or what their point of view is. It’s as if they expect me to be a mind reader and I just can’t do that. I also don’t understand motives. I don’t understand people, in general. It’s quite frustrating.

I cannot seem to let go of certain things, like abandonment, betrayal, bullying, lying, and failure to properly use the Oxford Comma.

You know ... important things.

Vital things like the Oxford Comma I get you.

I have a hard time letting go of everything I see as a personal attack. I haven't spoken to my sister in over 10 years and I probably will never speak to her again. I don't remember why exactly, just that she wronged me somehow.

That sad to read to read Steve , unless she's a complete narcissist it's never too late to mend a relationship.

It is sad. But I haven't spoken to my brother for about the same length of time. I don't "do" family I guess. The only adult I keep in any kind of touch with is my wife. I'm 57 and essentially friendless. I assume I'll die that way and I'm actually ok with it for the most part.

I can be pretty inflexible at times but it never lasts long , I do have things in my past that I always ruminate about though.

Narcissism isn't the only impediment.  A Polyanna-like outlook can make denial an over-riding factor in any relationship.

"Oh, you're such a downer, Fnordie!  Try to look on the bright side of things!" -- a former superviser after a co-worker had ripped me a new one in front of everyone else in the office, and then denied that she had even spoken to me after I had parked in "her" space on my first day at work.

As long as you are OK about it then no worries.

Glad I have your permission to be a hermit.

Oh blimey , it would take far too long to list all impediments.

You're are welcome , come to me if you need any other permissions in life

I think OCD sometimes contributes to replaying things over and over. It can also be related to post-trauma, my trust is damaged from childhood abuse and I don't trust my radar system for identifying incoming threats so I am over-vigilant and I replay interactions in my head over and over. I have found that SSP Integrated Listening has helped greatly with my CPTSD and made me less reactive and alert to threats. I seem to be able to engage with someone, argue, then let it go. I always used to ask myself "is he abusing me or not? Is that crossing the line or not?" I had a very muddled sense of self for a long time.


Inflexibility is common among my aspie friends.

You can call someone stubborn but their resolve and refusal to give in can lead to great things in life. It is important to forgive ourselves also for being who we are, we didn't really have much choice in the matter.

Thinking about this more, i'm inflexible in so many ways...the foods I eat, the clothes I wear, the structure of my day. How thrown off and anxious I get if any of these things are altered in any way. Is this common amongst those on the spectrum?

It is with my autistic friends, order and routine are very important. My friend and ex student used to have meltdowns when he was younger if a bus was late or a store didn't have his favourite ice cream.