How different were you as a child?

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Compared to today. For most of us, there was increasing pressure as we got older to adopt the same unusual or unnecessary social cues which restrict all kinds of things and permanently alter natural behavior for society's more artificial ones.

Just a warning: The following isn't part of the question, just my own experience...

I feel like my "childhood" version didn't merge seamlessly with the adult like in most NT's, but instead was suffocated to death, because it was seen as too unusual. I pushed it under, along with all kinds of things like an extensive imagination, creativity, passion, spontaneity, and energy. Now I'm a shell of a person, with it all locked away and only capable of showing slivers of it in a kind of dead artistic expression.

It's a horrible, trapping feeling, when the universe feels this small. There doesn't seem to be a point to the "NT" world, which is also empty and dark, so I imagine many NT's feel emptiness but this is compensated by their emotional attachments to others that I lack and a shallowness that allows for protective ignorance. Metaphorically, it feels like the other birds left the nest and I just rammed into a power line.

i didn't have any real peers when i was a child. i was alone.

I feel more connected to the childhood me than to the teenage me.

i embrace my inner child

In a way... Some of the feelings... Some of the issues I have are the same... But as an adult, as I am older as an adult they have intensified. Though as a child I was very much unable to cope some years. Other years I broke out of my shell and shone through... But rhe change to the larger school was torture and the ever changing lessons... and changing reachers... Change, change change... Felt like prison.. Not that I have been to prison.
Todays schools I would not want to go in at all. They have fences and gates around them.

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 19 Jun 2019, 6:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

During primary school, I was talkative and partly extroverted. I badly wanted to have friends but only got along well with adults and kids with intellectual disabilities. It sounds contradictory when I put it like this haha. I was too naive. Although I wasn't exactly bullied, my peers treated me pretty badly. It was obvious that something was off about me despite my mild nature and intelligence. I was too honest and direct which made me come across as rude. I was mostly alone, both at home and at school.
I drew all the time, it was my way of escaping the reality. I could hyper focus. I was obsessed with physical disabilities and morbidity. I was scared of how my parents and peers would react to my morbid stories so I drew secretly and hid my comics/pictures. When I drew in public I liked to draw colorful birds and trees that were never green. I didn't like painting things with their actual colors.

Now I'm extremely introverted and don't require human contact. I don't like talking and sometimes forget how to talk.
I'm still too naive for my age and it might be the reason of my social anxiety.
Learning to silence myself helped me learn not to be rude. Now people think I'm shy and kind.
My drawing style changed massively. I only draw cute and happy now. I can't make up stories anymore so I don't draw comics. And I don't draw all the time because now I need to do it in order to survive not to relax and also because I need to compete. I've always avoided competition.

I was different in that I didn't know so much about the world and understood social interactions even less than I do nowadays. I was quieter, as well.

I loved to draw with colors for hours. And another special interest of mine was the Japanese language. So I spend hours upon hours trying to learn hiragana and katakana.

Early in my school life I wrote a lot. They broke my pencils and I was punished for their breaking.

I was accepted as I was at home. My gran knew I was smart and just let me be me... I was also ADHD, so I was hyper. I made weird noises and before I learned I could listen and duplicate the sounds, I would record them. I played them back and laughed hysterically. When I think about what it must've been like for my poor, tired grandparents, I pity them. They had good senses of humor though and would laugh too. They probably thought I was crazy, but loved me regardless.

School was another matter, entirely. Because I was loved and accepted at home, I thought that meant I was great. So, to say I was 'wild' was an understatement. I went about life the same way at school as I did at home. Naturally, the teachers wished I would be sedated. Ritalin was the best they got, they only got that for three years. I got paddled, a lot. Because I got detention for acting up... I wouldn't show up for detention and the days would double each day, I'd eventually forge my mom's signature and take the paddling. I was shunned by some of the more conventional students, but I had a small group of friends that I still have to this day.

I think the only reason I was tolerated at school was because when the rubber hit the road, I could buckle down and do the standardized tests. I didn't make the teachers look like they weren't doing their jobs, so they left me alone for the most part. I still got into lots of trouble, every single day.

When I began kindergarten, I didn't speak English. The teacher thought I was "hyperactive" or "mentally handicapped" because I didn't understand like the other kids. A year later, these diagnoses were ruled out. I was actually smart once I learned the language.

I was bullied but not to the extent others on this site have been. The bullies were the school troublemakers and later wound up having criminal records.

I was thought of as smart and shy by the friends I did manage to make. I regret now not cultivating friendships more and having my nose in my books all the time. I gained so much knowledge I was never able to use at the highest level possible because of my lack of social skills.

Even today, my interests are vastly different from those of my peers, although I do have plenty of friends who are animal lovers like me. I can also talk about my favorite tennis players when I'm at the tennis court taking lessons.

I do not remember my childhood being that much different than my peers. I remember in early grade school that many of my peers were much smarter than I was. I didn't like to read until I entered high school. I didn't like to talk in school. I rarely raised my hand. I just kept quiet and was very shy. I had a very active imagination. I was very adventurous and fearless.

It was in Junior High where things diverged. I experienced significant bullying (verbal and physical) in Junior High. I suspect this halted my childhood development. I may have regressed back to my "pleasing 4" stage of childhood development at that time. It is also the beginning of acedemic learning which took off like a rocket.

I was a lot more fearful as a child, that's for sure. I felt like I was bad, that there was something wrong with me that no one talked about openly with me, but clearly often discussed behind my back. The schools I was in as a child were also determined to hammer in the peg that stuck out (me). I would get punished for stupid things, like the way I sneezed or the way I looked at someone seeming "disrespectful". I would also get punished for asking too many questions, or for thinking too deeply about topics presented in science or math classes that caused me to stray from my busy work. As an adult, well, now I get paid to think too hard about those exact things. In a way I'm exactly the same as I was as a kid. It just so happens that society values the same behaviors in kids and adults differently.

-the converse is true too though. It was a real shock for me to realize that some odd things I did were cute as a child but were perceived as creepy when I did them as a teenager. Climbing stuff was a big one. Also, a lot of my mannerisms posture and gait were perceived this way I think. I never had parents pull their kids away from me when I was little, but once I started to look more like an adult, they began doing that thing where they get between their kids and me in the store or at church.

As a child, I didn't understand the concept of somebody "talking behind my back."

I just was oblivious to all that. The only thing I was able to discern was the Obvious.

I was shorter.

I was less childlike

Fern. Never forget you are loved and very much wanted. I can relate to what you say about parents who don't know you. I have a similar effect myself somehow. Never have worked out what it was that parents see in me as an adult where I may come across as a danger. But to me those parents that do that are very odd parents.
So never feel you are not wanted or loved. You are loved and wanted. There is no one else anywhere that can replace the special part that God gave you to play in this world.

And I also say this to all on here. You are all loved and wanted and no one else can replace you being you. Forgive those who hurt you. They don't understand or know who you are. Be yourself and shine!