Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

ASD Adults living at home - parents fighting

Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

greenmm37
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jun 2020
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 351

12 Oct 2020, 8:27 am

Hello everyone -
I was wondering for those of you who are 20+ who live at home with parents, how do you cope with family troubles that don't involve you?

My parents fight off and on and right now they are having a big 'fight.' Basically my dad thinks my mom is keeping secrets from him and won't talk to her at all and now won't tell her where he's going or what he's doing...and I know she doesn't tell him everything (I'm certain she's not cheating on him, this is more about politics or sports things) because he is very judgemental to her about what she likes. Every day I watch my mom basically grovel for my dad's affection, him repeatedly treat her poorly, then blame her for it. I feel stuck in the middle of this every single day.

My question is - does anyone have experience with this? Do you have advice for removing yourself from the situation? I unfortunately provide myself as a sounding board for my mom since she won't talk to anyone else about it and I want her to not feel so alone. I feel very hostile towards my dad a lot but he's still affectionate towards me so it's hard. I guess that's why I can't just ignore it because my family is very...isolated? We don't do much with others and always sit down for dinner together so there's always discomfort when they're fighting like this.

Sorry - this may be more of a vent post but advice is welcome.



Pieplup
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2015
Age: 21
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 2,658
Location: Maine

14 Oct 2020, 12:30 am

greenmm37 wrote:
Hello everyone -
I was wondering for those of you who are 20+ who live at home with parents, how do you cope with family troubles that don't involve you?

My parents fight off and on and right now they are having a big 'fight.' Basically my dad thinks my mom is keeping secrets from him and won't talk to her at all and now won't tell her where he's going or what he's doing...and I know she doesn't tell him everything (I'm certain she's not cheating on him, this is more about politics or sports things) because he is very judgemental to her about what she likes. Every day I watch my mom basically grovel for my dad's affection, him repeatedly treat her poorly, then blame her for it. I feel stuck in the middle of this every single day.

My question is - does anyone have experience with this? Do you have advice for removing yourself from the situation? I unfortunately provide myself as a sounding board for my mom since she won't talk to anyone else about it and I want her to not feel so alone. I feel very hostile towards my dad a lot but he's still affectionate towards me so it's hard. I guess that's why I can't just ignore it because my family is very...isolated? We don't do much with others and always sit down for dinner together so there's always discomfort when they're fighting like this.

Sorry - this may be more of a vent post but advice is welcome.

Well, if the fighting itself is bothering you my advice would be to take a walk. As for how to repair your parents marriage i don't know if there's anything you can do maybe suggest they go to marriage counseling?


_________________
ever changing evolving and growing
I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 76
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,721
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

14 Oct 2020, 4:17 am

Well, it would be nice if they were better at not repeating the same fight. The opposite condition is no fun either. My parents (AS mother) never disagreed in any visible way until they split up. In Sweden, they would not have been allowed to adopt children. Never having seen conflict resolution at home, I handle it very poorly as an adult.