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Aet1985
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21 Oct 2020, 3:55 pm

This has been on my mind for a while do Aspies not need as much social contact or “check in” with family as much? I ask because my aunt lives with us and it seems her family needs constant contact via calls or FaceTime, I feel weird because I can’t relate to how they live and how I prefer solitude and being in my own mind or imagination



Aet1985
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21 Oct 2020, 4:07 pm

I feel bad because I get ''annoyed'' when I come in with my father and dog and I feel ''crowded'' in the kitchen or have to rearrange my schedule, I feel something is wrong with me because it doesn't seem to bother my aunt and her family they are verbally on the phone almost 24/7 and I am with my dog and in my own mind, is it due to neurological or can us Aspies be a little ''arrogant'' ? I feel out of the ''loop'' or someplace else focused on my dog and personal goals or tunnel vision



AuroraBorealisGazer
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21 Oct 2020, 4:09 pm

The need for social interaction is generally an extrovert trait. So while some of us on the spectrum are introverts who value our alone time, there can be extroverted people on the spectrum who desire social interaction, but they may struggle in those interactions.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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21 Oct 2020, 4:12 pm

Aet1985 wrote:
I feel bad because I get ''annoyed'' when I come in with my father and dog and I feel ''crowded'' in the kitchen or have to rearrange my schedule, I feel something is wrong with me because it doesn't seem to bother my aunt and her family they are verbally on the phone almost 24/7 and I am with my dog and in my own mind, is it due to neurological or can us Aspies be a little ''arrogant'' ? I feel out of the ''loop'' or someplace else focused on my dog and personal goals or tunnel vision


I don't think it's arrogance. It seems more like you have certain expectations for what sort of situation you'll be walking into when you arrive home, so when things are different you may be thrown off guard. Or at least, that's how it can be for me. I would imagine you also value your personal space and so being crowed is unpleasant.



Aet1985
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21 Oct 2020, 5:09 pm

I get annoyed because I feel there is to much going on from the cooking walking back and forth along with the constant calls and I have to bite my tongue because I feel like saying if you all have to keep in constant contact then why did you all move away from each other? can you not keep yourself occupied perhaps NT's don't like to be in there own mind or imagination? I feel like a ''arrogant jerk'' because I can't relate I don't think I am better than anybody but the constant BS annoys me I am more focused on eating and my dog eating along with me then going for a walk, and I feel alienated because nobody really understands my ''eccentric'' ways of thinking or how I do things,



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21 Oct 2020, 6:51 pm

^ Yes I can't say I understand the need for constant socialization either. The best I can do is try to respect that they are different than me, but it can be hard when it stresses me out.

My mom is incredibly social and when I would come home from school she would always be on the phone (speaking loudly) or worse, have friends over. I hated it because I just wanted to come home and decompress, but there was never any routine or peace.



vancouveria
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21 Oct 2020, 7:05 pm

Being around people in any situation is usually fraught and stressful. It is soooo easy to irritate other people without intending to do so. I remind myself not to talk, but I usually respond or try to converse and perhaps 30% of the time my response is taken as off-putting at best and insulting at worst.
Much easier to spend time with non-human animals; communication is direct and they are easy to please.



Aet1985
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21 Oct 2020, 7:40 pm

That is the thing though only my aunt is staying with us but I still get annoyed or stressed feeling she is always in my way or I have to live around her, yet if my family all lived together they would love it, I feel bad because I don't have anything against her but feel my family and I are on different pages, not to get off topic but even when I worked in Burger King between the ''fast pace'' ''multitasking'' and everybody up my a** in a small space after a while I would actually get physically sick acid reflux and throwing up in bathroom and adrenaline burnt out, I honestly wonder if we are not meant to be in the ''NT World'' for long if it makes us angry stressed and depressed



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21 Oct 2020, 7:41 pm

ummmm no not really, introverted NTs are facultative, for example I can thrive in a social environment (and enjoy it) but am equally happy being by myself.

For the past 17 years since getting married I rarely have contact with other people and currently don't have face to face friends but that can change. It doesn't bother me either way. I'm an introvert so I thrive without constant contact.



Spunge42
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21 Oct 2020, 10:29 pm

Aet1985 wrote:
That is the thing though only my aunt is staying with us but I still get annoyed or stressed feeling she is always in my way or I have to live around her, yet if my family all lived together they would love it, I feel bad because I don't have anything against her but feel my family and I are on different pages, not to get off topic but even when I worked in Burger King between the ''fast pace'' ''multitasking'' and everybody up my a** in a small space after a while I would actually get physically sick acid reflux and throwing up in bathroom and adrenaline burnt out, I honestly wonder if we are not meant to be in the ''NT World'' for long if it makes us angry stressed and depressed


I've experienced that too. I used to work in a lab since my degree is in microbiology. It was blessed quiet. But some stuff happened and long story short I moved home to be my mom's sole caregiver. I could only work part time for obvious reasons. Retail is hell. There were days I would go run to the bathroom from the nausea caused by my senses being overwhelmed. Then a migraine would set in. Sometimes by the time my shift was over I could barely drive home. Luckily I only worked 5 minutes away. I lost a few jobs because after awhile I'd have to start leaving early because the time I could handle being there became less and less. I would have to leave before my vision started blurring completely so I could get home. So it became a pattern I'd work part time retail for a couple yrs, then have a burnout and not work for a few months then get a new job.... each time I lasted less time and it took me longer to recover. I didn't know it till recently that I was having burnouts from forcing myself into these intenable situations. After this last burnout 2 years ago when Morgan my german shepherd died, I havent been back to work. I still haven't completely recovered. Part of that is grief at losing my grounding force Morgan, caregiver burnout, and autistic burnout all happening at once.

So yes, I agree sometimes being in certain parts of the "NT world" for too long can be detrimental. I don't think your arrogant wanting to be with your dog all the time. I spent most of my time with Appa my gentle giant, and my mom and her service dog.

I came to the realization after my diagnosis last year and talking with my psychologist for the past 8 months or so that certain jobs aren't good for my health. Which is one of the reasons I'm learning to be a service dog trainer. I'm happy and calm in the company of dogs.

Sorry if that was a long response.


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Aet1985
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21 Oct 2020, 11:24 pm

I was hard on myself because everyone seemed to not be bothered by the small space and being social, I understand where you are coming from because I had a limited ''battery life'' on how long I could be there I was only working 24-30 hours a week but to me it felt like 60+ and I could not figure out what was wrong with me a lot of the people at my job seemed to be ''workaholics'' could take on work and a family life without it bothering them and those two things work and family was all that existed, I always felt ''someplace else'' regarding burnout I still don't think I recovered from my last dog passing away last year in October



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22 Oct 2020, 3:26 am

I do like a little social contact myself, they just require too much!



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22 Oct 2020, 3:30 am

vancouveria wrote:
Being around people in any situation is usually fraught and stressful. It is soooo easy to irritate other people without intending to do so. I remind myself not to talk, but I usually respond or try to converse and perhaps 30% of the time my response is taken as off-putting at best and insulting at worst.
Much easier to spend time with non-human animals; communication is direct and they are easy to please.


Yes they are! Animals i mean.

i have a visiting cat....I can communicate easier with him. He is adorable.



Earthbound_Alien
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22 Oct 2020, 5:49 am

I dont mean nts are animals, i mean that animals are easier to communicate with!



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22 Oct 2020, 5:53 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
I dont mean nts are animals, i mean that animals are easier to communicate with!


So true... just the other day I installed a used bird bath that I got at a discount and the birds kept saying, "cheap, cheap!"



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22 Oct 2020, 5:56 am

Earthbound_Alien wrote:
vancouveria wrote:
Being around people in any situation is usually fraught and stressful. It is soooo easy to irritate other people without intending to do so. I remind myself not to talk, but I usually respond or try to converse and perhaps 30% of the time my response is taken as off-putting at best and insulting at worst.
Much easier to spend time with non-human animals; communication is direct and they are easy to please.


Yes they are! Animals i mean.

i have a visiting cat....I can communicate easier with him. He is adorable.


I'm a skunk and adorable, also.
So I keep on telling everyone. 8)