How do you know if you're autistic?

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Hi. I'm 'jole' and was first introduced to autism or more specifically Asperger's by a friend i met online many years ago. At the time i looked it up and said something along the lines of "hm, i could have that" but didn't think much more of it.

// SHY
I've always been a shy person. I used to be scared to ask people in stores and similar places, but sometimes my father would push me which I think was a good thing as it taught me that it's not anything to be afraid of. Now I am really not afraid of that stuff at all and 'just do it' most of the time. Still mess up my words and such but I know they are not going to remember me, just like I'm not going to remember them.

// SOCIAL OCCATIONS
Now, even though i was a shy person I would have more troubles in social occations than just pure shyness. This was perhaps at it's strongest at prom which my 'upper primary school' organized. I had just turned 13, 14 and 15 at the time, if i recall correctly. Now this wasn't your typical American High School prom, it was more of a get-together, I suppose. Now let me tell you, I do not look fondly back at those days. Let me put it this way: I suck at dancing. I spent a lot of the time just in the toilet. The music was also loud but ill come back to sound later. I have always been a bit secretive with my parents i think, so i didn't say anything to them and told them it was fun or whatever. You may wonder why i even went? Well *everyone* else went and i had known these people for almost a decade at that point (give or take) and so i felt i had to. This was perhaps the reason I rediscovered autism, and I spent some nervous hours in the kitchen waiting for my parents to *randomly* come, and then when they did I used all my courage to tell them I think I'm on the spectrum, but in the end i wasn't mentally strong enough to do it. I'll also talk more about this later.

// METAPHORS
It rains cats a dogs. I never got this one, however when people online said that autistic people might pull up their socks when someone says "pull up your socks", I got confused. Not because I have no idea what it means, but why would you just listen to what another person told you and do it? Anyway, i like metaphors. I use them to explain things to myself in my head or aloud. Sometimes I explain complex things to myself so I understand it better. I think my metaphor can be confusing to other people as I don't think they help them, but I think it makes my point much more clear, lol.

// SOUND
I have a condition known as misophonia which means I get really adverse reactions to certain sounds, which are for me are almost exclusively eating sounds. They trigger a flight of flight response. I think I'm coping well, but i have cried sometimes before I got better at coping because it turns you into a wreck. It's like the fear of a tiger right in front of you (i have never experienced a tiger right in front of me though), but with nowhere to run, and if you do everyone is going to ridicule you. Other than that I have a lower pain or discomfort threshold (whatever you wanna call it) to sounds, but this may also be partly due to being around older people and those generally have more hearing loss than people my age?
Sidenote: I'm not diagnosed because it's not an official diagnosis (yet) and there are no treatments, nor do i want or need any confirmation so why would I? I KNOW i have it.

// DIAGNOSIS
I haven't gotten any diagnosis. I'm kinda afraid of telling anyone and wonder how my parents would react. If a teacher or something would've told my parents then perhaps my story would've been a lot different. Either way they didn't. Even getting a doctors appointment would be scary for me. For reference it took me months to order a doctors appointment after daily getting bright spots in my vision...

// FRIENDS
I did have some friends in my early years of school. However when i got older i stopped having friends, I don't know quite why. I guess i felt i didnt fit in with them. I was always interested in computers and nerdy stuff, but nobody else was, so that made it harder. Many computer-y people spend a lot of time inside and so don't practice social interaction and so it can be easier to be friends with them, even if they arent on the spectrum, i think. I did meet a guy playing a video game (i talked about him in the first paragraph) and have been talking with him ever since, and hes probably my best friend come to think of it, not that i have many to pick from

So this was kinda a long post, but I'm lost. I don't like being in school, although i get good grades. School isn't the problem in itself, it's not knowing anyone and everyone else being so different (like from a different planet? haha) and having to eat my lunch in the bathroom because i don't have anyone to sit with. I hope you can respect my thoughts and such even though I'm probably almost a decade younger than the vast majority of the people here. I never had any big relationships with people my age anyway.
(oops i guess i wrote another paragraph)

Questions? (or even better, answers?) Post 'em! I'd love to talk with you guys. I'm kinda new here although i lurked for a while. I'll probably post more as my train of thought continues going along . How did you get diagnosed? Should I? Am I even on the spectrum? Also i was a bit unclear but im suspecting i have high functioning autism / aspergers / etc, i am verbal.

Your question is one which I am asking. Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Welcome jole.

I had a similar experience to your 'prom' (middle school dance, age 13). It was the first and last dance thing I ever went to as a kid. I got entirely overwhelmed by the music and I wasn't much of a dancer. Ended up hiding in some corner away from it. I skipped actual prom.

You could very well be on the spectrum, (your story sounds familiar) but none of us can provide that answer concretely. Would need to get evaluated. For getting evaluated, there are pros and cons. I don't know much about Norway in that regard. I was diagnosed at the age of 18, and I would say my diagnosis has helped me immensely. Provided clarity/perspective about how others may view me, highlighted my weakness, and gave me direction.

That was my experience, pretty much

Mountain Goat: Thank you


Feyokien: Yeah I should probably just bite the bullet and get an appointment. I don't think I want to go in the military, so that could be what makes me get diagnosed, I suppose. That is if they even want me \:)
What are some cons you were concerned about? I guess in certain countries you may have liberties taken away, but I don't think that should be a problem.
Also with regards to getting a misophonia diagnosis which may be possible, that could actually mean I'd get some noise cancelling headphones, although to be honest I don't need them, if I did I'd have gotten them by now.

I don't think that would be a problem in your country either.

Not being able to join the military was the most obvious thing I can think of. Some people might also see you differently with a diagnosis (if you tell them) and could even be less accepting due to whatever negative stereotype they have about ASD. It goes both ways though, others could become more accepting/tolerate (if you tell them).

A professional diagnosis is, obviously, the best way to determine if you are autistic.

The Autism Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ) might give some indication. I don't know whether it is applicable to someone your age but you might still find it interesting. Wired magazine also has a copy of the test that is broken and requires self-scoring but has an introductory paragraph that puts the scores in context.

There are at least two other things to keep in mind:

* Apparently it is sometimes difficult to distinguish Aspergers and ADHD, and some people are both (I'm not ADHD but my bride is).

* Some people apparently think Aspergers and the MBTI INTJ personality type have some similarities, and some people (me!) are both.

If, after further research and careful consideration, you conclude that you very probably are autistic then you can find an awful lot of information about autism on the Internet. I especially like the humorous stuff from other autistics.

P.S. No pressure, but if you search the Internet to find out if there were any famous people on the autism spectrum, you will find out that some famous people are thought to be autistic. Some really, really famous people. Sigh. Well, I guess the message there is that autism doesn't necessarily mean you can't go far--it just means you might meet different potholes along the road.

Thanks for answers.
I have taken the AQ test and i got a high score. I have also taken the MBTI and gotten both INTP and INTJ in the past. I have 'attention' problems and the only reason i ever got good grades were just that i were able to for the most part listen in class, and actually remember that, but i never did any homework no matter how important i knew it were. I am still like this and it haunts me. Yet i am able to follow class so perhaps its just an unrelated quirk.

Also on the note of special interests, do you guys have one very specific thing you're interested in? One month i may be obsessed with competitive programming as i were recently, then just forget about it completely and do something else instead, but everything like that i end up doing is related to computers or electronics. Like, what counts as a single special interest? I also watch a lot of generally informative content, mostly on youtube by the likes of Wendover Productions/Half as interesting (obscure stories basically), Not Just Bikes (city planning), and many more, but its not something i actively take part in, and half the time im not even paying attention.

I am also really good at forgetting things, its not that uncommon for me to mess up what dates i have tests, or forget the book the day before for studying. That does not help with my minimal studying before tests. I have tried bullet journaling but i just forgot about it until two days ago.

So i have some symptoms but perhaps not all... i should probably get an appointment and ask to be investigated for ASD, instead of all this speculation, I guess.

And yeah there are a lot of famous people that are speculated to be autistic or other disorders / personality quirks resembling ASD.

My journey has been a bit like that! Actually more of others telling me and me not believing it could be true.
I only really started to take the issue seriously when things for me started grinding to a halt due to having experienced what I believe to be several burnouts or breakdowns where I could no longer ignore it as I found I just was going downhill to the point where I could not work even part time without ending up in a mess!

Also the journey for me was to try to find out why I kept getting certain issues throughout my life... After joining this site die to a hunch that these issues seemed to somehow have something similar to a meltdown... I have since found the "Missing links" (See the link below what I write) to be partial and full out shutdowns. It has taken me years and years and many mny doctors visits and tests and no success until I joined this site. Just before joining I had asked a doctor and she said that what I described were not meltdowns but I had seen similarities between an ex girlfriend (A beautiful hearted lady) who has aspergers syndrome... And it took me two years of trying to ask if I had it before I did ask as I kept hitting mind blank when seeing doctors so I kept having to shift conversations to other things...
But anyway. The doctor put me forward to be assessed even though she had little to go on and doubted they would assess me... But they did accept me around the time when I joined this site. So I am waiting to be assessed.


You mentioned "Raining cats and dogs". The first time I heard that phraze was when my Aunt said it (I think I was about seven years old?) and I wanted to rush out to try to catch them so they would not hurt themselves when they landed. I was most upset at the time as my Aunt, Uncle and parents did not want me to go outside because it was raining heavily. I did not care about the rain. I wanted to save all the cats and dogs! I was most upset they would not let me outside. I really thought thwy were cruel foe not letting me put my wellies and coat on (I thought it was because I had my wellies but did not have my coat, but in my little mind it was urgent!)...

Thank you for your insightful reply Mountain Goat.

Your anecdote of wanting to go outside when it was "raining cats and dogs" reminds me of a not no related story of when i was quite young, so i have no recollection of it, but my mother has told me about it. I was visiting my cousin and i was quite confused as to what he was doing, his mother (my aunt) told me he was feeding the ducks. In my confusion i started looking for the ducks but found none.
PS: he was feeding imaginary ducks.

// Long story about me not being very creative in writing about boring stuff
Although i was apparently quite good at math at an early age i was not allowed to take harder math because i was not good enough at writing(stupid reason!). This is really early school by the way. I was probably like 6-7, no idea. We got pictures and were supposed to write about them. Apparently i would only write like "I see a horse and a person.", while i was supposed to write like "I see a beautiful brown horse. It is running in a grassy field in the middle of the day, because the man is scaring the horse! The man is wearing farmer clothes...", you get the point. Now, i wouldn't say im not a creative person, but i would say i still hate writing about things that bore me. Like, i like designing things and have many original ideas, i like to think. About the writing part, if it really interests me, like this thread, i can write a lot. I write many times faster here because it just flows out of my fingertips and i don't have to write about whatever the teacher fancies or the government has chosen everyone has to learn(not trying to be cynical, i like learning ).

// Meltdowns
I never really had any meltdowns or shutdowns before that i can remember. However there was this one thing sort of recently. I was on my own for a week and was meeting other people who were into competitive programming (i was participating in an olympiad), which was great fun - people my age actually interested (and better at) what i liked! However when i got back home our family went camping. I don't have anything against camping - it can be fun, but i quickly got really angry and upset. Later i realized although i had fun being away i needed something like two days too cooldown, and i had just been overwhelmed

I actually got more sleep there than normal because those people went to bed at sane times, if i didn't have any obligations i would probably stay up to 3-4am every day. Not healthy but time flies when im on my computer.

Im also kinda wondering if i may have a presentation of ASD thats more common in girls where they manage to hide it, like many of those who only get diagnosed when they are older. It has been a while since i read about so don't quote me on that.

The missing link was funny. Its getting late again... ill finish reading it tomorrow

Maths. I either did well or badly. I could not tell what I did sifferent from one exam to the next. I used to calculate answers in my head and after try and work out how to do the workings out. Maths teachers were puzzled by me.
Also, I could be taught a maths subject until I know it. But next lesson I would have to learn it all over again. A maths teacher told my parents. "I don't understand it! I taught him and he knows the work. But next lesson I have to start again as it is as if he had never learnt it."
But I have recently learned the reasons for some things. Someone said it was common to need to learn things twice in a subject that one does not "Latch onto".
But also, I have found out that I think in pictures, which is how I do maths. I think in and do calculations in picture dots. But when I am taught and I can remember calculations I can do maths perfectly as I have the method. But when I go deep in thought I go to think in dots. So I can't show workings out! Also, when in dots I couls be in base 4, base 5 or base 6 or even base 8 and be doing sums in different bases at the same time and then I can forget to convert them over into base 10 to show the final answer... Hence where I can get things wrong, and do not have a clue how to show the workings out! (If I did no maths teacher would be able to follow my mind! Haha!)


You mentioned if you have autism it would be like girls autism. That is very much like me. It is MASKING. Girls mask. I mask. Is why I was never found out to be on the spectrum as a child. I was masking from the age of about seven onwards. Before that I would just stand or sit and watch people. Never play except with one autistic child who was the only friend I had in those days in my school and he was taken to a special school... (I have had friends but very few that I could call friends in my lifetime. Now I have two or three friends I have met, but no one living near).

Anyway... The first step is to learn a little more about yourself, and then to ask a doctor to be assessed.

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 06 Oct 2020, 6:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think on some level i've always known.

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 13.

When my specialist told me that I had AS, I had no idea what my specialist
was talking about because of three factors:

-Coping with the passing of my father which happened one year before. (He was 43.)

-Raging hormones alongside feelings for many female peers.

-Bullies (including two teachers) who saw me and some fellow misfits as easy targets for intimidation.

I’m basically just echoing the sentiments already expressed but yeah, the surest way to know if you are autistic is with a diagnostic evaluation, which is lengthy. I similarly came around to the idea of being diagnosed because of the sensory/social/information processing “anomalies” I saw in myself.

I definitely have no idea what the heck “pull up your socks” is supposed to mean.

Welcome.

I had been going to groups dealing with the fallout from dysfunctional families for many years without hearing "my" story. Then, I was doing a search on my mother's quirks, hoping to help my sister understand them, and I ran across a list of Aspie characteristics. Right away, I knew that they explained both mother's life and mine. Later, I sent the list to a pen-pal, and he suddenly understood himself, too.

Sorry. My mind wandered...

After the psychologist told me I had ASD-1 I asked about memory. Essentially, I noted that autistics are often described as having excellent memories but my memory is horrible! I thought maybe I was missing one of the "symptoms." The psychologist explained that, while there are exceptions, autistics typically have a good memory regarding things that interest them. That is not a bad description of my memory!

My coping techniques include:
(1) Keeping good, organized records,
(2) Having my computer remember stuff for me,
(3) Leaving physical reminders out where I will see them,
(4) Having a small (3"x5") notepad and pen with me--and then not losing a reminder note 'til I have acted on it.

P.S. Bonus entertainment... When we watched this Benny Hill skit my bride asked me "Is that what it's like for you?!" (The answer is approximately "Yes!")