I feel like an alien

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I feel like an alien when I see people who have social-emotional reciprocity better than me.



I have some of the symptoms of ASD and Schizotypal tendencies that I had from my early childhood and I still have to this day.




Some ASD-related symptoms and some that I had from my early childhood that still I have now:

* Problems with social-emotional reciprocity
* Deficits in maintaining relationships after long periods of time
* Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements
* Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
* Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
* Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).
* Ideas of reference
* Odd beliefs (believes that dinosaurs and that aliens exists that, etc that caused me distress)
* bizarre fantasies or preoccupations (imaginary friends that caused me great distress)
* Unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions.
* Odd thinking and speech.
* Suspiciousness or paranoid ideation. (Other personal fears that I used to have as a young child and still have now





Some symptoms of Schizotypal tendencies that I had and still have is caused by genetics, misspellings, mutations, deficiencies or environmental factors.




Symptoms of ASD that I used to have from my early to late childhood and adolescence that I don't have as an adult:

* Missing or misunderstanding emotions, facial cues and body languages





I have better social skills, but there are always people with ASD who have much better social-emotional reciprocity than me. I get frustrated and sometimes think that I have harder time to start a conversation with others, even with people who have ASD.





I also have history of Bipolar Disorder with psychotic features when I was a young teenager.




One example of delusion that I had:


* I used to think that I found aliens somewhere in space and that I was working for the military to find aliens.



I used to have many more delusions, but I also had hallucinations at the time. I also was too hyper-active and got very tired at that time.



That was my brief history.

I used to mention that I sometimes get frustrated that I can't start a conversation very well, even with people with milder forms of ASD.

I truly feel like an alien when it comes to people who have better social-emotional reciprocity than me.

I don't have all of the issues that you have but I can certainly relate to feeling like an alien. I felt that way a lot as a young teen and sometimes I still feel that way. My feeling like that is because I am an Autistic trying to live in a world of people who have no ability to understand or relate to me.