If someone doesn't have friends, its not a tragedy right?

Post Reply New Topic

I feel I don't have too many close friends.

Neither do I. In person, basically zero at the moment. It's only a tragedy if it feels like one.

Only you will know, how much it matters to you.

Some people are perfectly happy on their own, but others aren't.

If you want it to be a tragedy, then it can be one. Otherwise, decide that for yourself instead of others deciding for you.

Some of this depends on how terms are defined. If you define a friend as someone who knows who you are, people can have lots of "friends". If you define a friend as someone who will pay their own money to bail you out of jail, the number reduces dramatically.

The fewer friends and family connection one has, the less taxing it can be. However, the more exposed one is to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

One negative aspect of relative isolation that is often not fully appreciated is that excessive self-focus can exacerbate depression. There can be value (even if taxing) to maintain some social contact with others. Something like volunteer work can be a way to stave off too much self-focus yet not plunge too deep into a social milieu as the task at hand can can limit social demands.

I think the word tragedy sounds like you are catastrophising a little bit. I can understand that you might feel a bit lonely. What would you say to contacting the not so close friends and arranging to meet them?

It's only a problem if you want friends.

Same with being single.

Losing loved ones you were close to is more tragic than having no friends. It's like some people whine about having no lover on Valentine's day, when having no mother on mother's Day or no father on father's Day is actually more sad if you think about it.

I would say that how much impact having no friends has on a person is relative to how the individual without a friend looks at life, as to whether they get lonely or not, and as to how much it effects a persons self confidence.

I personally think having a few good friends is perhaps better than having loads of fair weather friends.

I find having too many friends is hard to manage properly to maintain any order in my life, while at the same time achieving my own creative or intellectual objectives. If i have too many friends, i can not give each of them a fair amount of time to maintain the closeness, or perhaps i give people too much of my "me" time, and then my "special interests" suffer, which also makes me unhappy.

So getting a balance is important.

Please know that even when you feel like you have no friends, there often are opportunities in every day life to make friends.

It does however take some work, such as organising to meet, meeting each other, hanging out, sharing, two way conversations etc. Sometimes you got to just try and open up to people and allow yourself to be loved.

Yes. I agree.

I'm sure the one of those that hurts the most is the one you're currently thinking about. But, one expects at some point to lose their mother and father, so one can make peace with that having occurred much more easily than being alone yet again on Valentine's.

Of course, to really know we'd need to ask someone who's missing all three.

It's only a problem if you make it a problem.

Want to make another one?

I think Joe90 means 'forever alone' type people and young people without a date.

I think it would be more sad for a youngish widower (say a 60 yo widower) on Valentine's day than on mother and father's days if their parents had been 90+.

But in most cases Joe90 is right.