Family And Outside

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I was wondering is it normal for some of us not to fit in with ''family'' or feel out of place? I am not arrogant or think I am better than anyone but am more intellectual or eccentric and prefer my mind to others, I can't relate to what they talk about or the constant ''contact'' phone calls, I wonder besides family if we were not really meant to be ''exposed'' to the NT world? I end up getting angry upset have crying episodes late at night while everyone else can have a good time? and for example I wanted to move out to Sante Fe New Mexico with open space for solitude to be alone with my dog and people look at me like I am ''crazy''

I connect to my immediate family and granddad just fine.

I don't connect well with my cousins or auntie.

I wonder if people who find it hard to connect with family find the whole 'neurodiversity' thing harder to feel than those of us who have family like us? It would be awful not to feel that you are able to connect to your own immediate family imo and I think it would leave someone feeling more broken than if they just didn't feel connected with some people in the outside world.

SantaFe. n.M.is a city but I understand how much nicer it might be to have the opportunity to try out being on your own in a under developed area , The desert used to be a great attraction for me . Quiet and solitude .
But with time population expands and eventually they start showing up, it becomes a issue if after all that time your there and you have enjoyed the peace and solitude , only to have it ruined by people who invite themselves into the areas around you . Often these people will bring other people whom have no appreciation for the quiet and peace that those areas can bring . I can say I completely understand your yearning for quiet beauty of the desert .

I wouldnt say i dont fit in with my family, Everyone in my famiy has mental disorders of some sort. However, I do have trouble connecting with people. I don’t trust others enough to really be myself around anyone. Its hard to connect with people when you are almost always on guard. That being said of my family members, I am definitely the one whos least connected with the other family members. I find part of the problem with me conneceting to my family is that what i consider alot of time to spend with someone they dont consider enough time to spend with someone. Even now that im telling people about some things, I just don't do that. Its against my nature to involve other people in my life and especially in my own problems. Im not completely avoid of connection or attachment. Outside of my immediate family. only person ive ever kinda connected with was my paternal grandmother. I dont think being unable to connect with your immediate family would be that bad. I mean if you never connected with them you woudlnt exactly know what you are missing. as for more or less broken. Imo it would really depend on why they are/are not connecting with their family. Well, I guess it depends on what exactly we consider connecting. If they never fromed any parental bond that probably have some serious psychological consequences.

I can't speak to what is normal, but I can speak to myself.

I do feel different from my family. I guess they think it, too. Some years ago my youngest sister called me, sounding a bit weepy, to ask if "if you weren't related to us, would you...you know...be our friend?" I think I got it wrong. After some thought I asked "How would I know you?"

I am definitely different from my family. I am, by their standards, "weird"...and by most metrics, more successful (except reproductively).

But, they are my family. I guess we love each other even if we don't understand each other.

We do family stuff, from time to time, and tolerate each other's differences. Though, I admit, I try to offload staying in touch to my bride (who is neurodiverse but not an autie). That, however, is consistent with the family practice of letting the gals do the intrafamily communication--and that seems to be a gender thing, not a neurodiversity thing.

There can be a strong sense of pressure from those calls.


Hmm, that's something I don't remember consciously thinking about before.

In my experience with my original family, meaning father, mother, little brother, I in some ways did and in some ways did not fit in with them.

After I had lived out on my own for a while and eventually was as an adult diagnosed autistic there eventually was one time my parents were in town to visit on a day I had previously scheduled an appointment with my psychologist so I called and asked if they could come to the session.

Next time I saw psychologist she said that she was certain Mom is autistic. She suspected Dad might be, given the typical things with autism, but after meeting my parents, nope, not Dad, definitely Mom.

That has to be a factor in the some ways I did and in some ways I did not fit in with my family.

I think I worded wrong when I said ''constant calls'' I meant that everyone has to call her multiple times a day to
''check in'' and everyone has to report every single event of the day constantly have to hear that cell phone ringing and
''facetime sound'' can anybody not just being alone and have their own mind and imagination?

I don't entirely fit-in with my extended family and it took a while for my immediate family to really understand the reality I face with Autism and ADHD. The extended family I do fit-in with are usually those who are generally more accepting of others and are more open to conversing with me. At a lot of family gatherings I'm out of place and treated as an outsider. I stopped going to weddings and other events for certain relatives who don't take the time to know me and I'm likely to get bored at events like this anyway. If I'm stuck at a family function I don't feel comfortable in or I find people are being critical of me I'll sneak away or just with my phone looking busy until I have to leave.

I don't know about normal or not, but I do know that I don't fit in with my family, either. This isn't solely an autism thing; some NTs have the same problem, too. Us on the spectrum might have harder time with pretending to be what our families expect from us, though.

The people in Santa Fe consider open space and solitude quite important. Seek your tribe.