Avoiding autistic / disabled people

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I was wondering if its true that, the more time you spend with people who have autism or a disability, puts you at a higher risk of being influenced by these things and creates an unhealthy environment mentally.

As you know, there are many places and services related to help people like this, but what if I want to be in the company of other people who are not autistic or disabled, so I can learn to behave or talk normally like they do?

The is no foolproof way of avoiding disabled/autistic people so my advice is to stop hating these things about yourself. Disability while having disadvantages is not a moral flaw like being a criminal.

Hating the way you are will likely lead to all sorts of unhealthy mental states and burnout because you are constantly trying to be someone you are not. Most members here can tell you that from experience.

Back to your question 98 percent of the people you interact with will not be autistic so unless you are in a special needs environment you will probably be avoiding us most of the time.

I prefer spending time with other HFA people than with NTs.

I don't like spending eating time with people who eat with their mouths wide open.

However that is a small minority of disabled people so the situation hasn't arisen since school (they had no special school and put everyone from HFA people to severely disabled people in one room for lunch - the alternative was being bullied by NT chav kids).

Only time it arises now is if it's a small child in a cafe. I turn away from the crying babies. I don't care if parents see it as 'rude', it sets off my sensory sensitivity/synaesthesia to see it. I've had my food dribbled on before and I hate it.

Sound advice! I still battle with this every day! I par take in activities to please others for sake of social company but having moved recently means I can not have to feel this pressure as much, Drinking as a result of the above but slowly coming to terms with being different, I have an alter ego to deal with the above often which personally i think i'm pretty lit n funny so guess that counters part of the hard times socially speaking. everybody im sure ASD or NT has likely commit a crime so I don't for the most part consider this a moral flaw, spitting in public for example is technically a crime, does this constitute a moral flaw? I would love to spend time with others on the spectrum so I have a diverse range of ways to gauge things so I can adjust my behaviours accordingly. I often easily spot others on the spectrum as I can relate to their actions and behaviours on an emotional and perspective level and lost someone close to me as a result of being pushy in this way. anyway. I appreciate autistic people and have the same respect for NT people too so long as it's give and take, just saying its the best way IMO to look at things as you can't control how others treat you or what you get from it but the choice to have it around or mininamalise it where possible.

I probably differ to many on the spectrum here but Kids are fun, they never really get sick of you unlike grown ups and having not taken advantage when I had the chance as much as possible with work and stuff - i'd love to work in childcare or do the parent cycle again. plus that drooling kid or annoying cry may well be a person that someone could have a great impact on and nothing more cool than knowing you can turn a drooler into a ruler haha.

I try to hang around with people I like, and avoid people I dislike.

If labels have been stuck to them by judgy people, that isn't my concern.

The only thing I'd be wary of is getting trapped in risky situations where I'm out of my depth. For example being jailed with hardened criminals for a minor driving offence. Or likewise being sectioned with patients that have mental health issues significantly more dangerous than mine. I don't think I could "catch" their disorders, but being around very unstable people is nerve-wracking and unsettling for my own mental health.

I'd tend to hang around people that would want me around which isn't anyone unless they get something out of it.
usually money, which i manage very poorly and want to rectify it but i struggle with getting around and calling places to get help with it and so i get stuck in poor choices. i often feel like im in risky situations and out of my depth so this makes me isolate much more than normal. I make poor choices often like drinking everyday lying to myself thinking my body can sustain itself on only this but beats feeling stuck in my own mind and making an attempt at friendships or other relationships that will ultimately only fail as they always do anyway. likely because im just not a good person and hate myself for prior choices and accept that becuse i don't know how else to alter this to suit others to have quality friendships or relationships with just being myself.

Most kids who are at the drooling age, if they're not disabled, aren't really proper kids yet. More like babies and toddlers.

Plus you can't really get to know strangers in restaurants and people (rightly) think you're strange if you stare for too long at their babies/toddlers.

I might be overthinking it but it really is just a case of 'avoid seeing a child's first attempts at eating, not pleasant to look at over the dinner table'. There's a stench and my synaesthesia starts feeling like things are sticky even when it's a long way away.

Actual family kids, even at about 2, can be fun to look after - just not on my own and just hanging out playing with them, I don't feel mature enough for the entire responsibility. I just don't eat around the tiny ones.

Sounds to me you need to start off making little changes, then as your confidence builds you can tackle bigger things.

If you're disappointed in yourself you aren't ready for friendships and relationships anyway, and any you get into are likely to be unhealthy. Build yourself up a bit first. That doesn't mean you always have to be successful, that isn't the point. The fact you've tried, and been prepared to win or lose, is what matters. Learning that it's better to try and sometimes fail, than to never try at all, is very important. Don't be so hard on yourself. Some things work out, some don't, but the process of experiencing both scenarios is LIVING.

OK I take it back.. I now understand what you mean. My apologies. In fact you remind me of something I did that was very funny to kids but very embarrassing to my partner. Remember eating fish n' chips and being a douche and sticking a heap of it in my mouth out of poor choice in humour.

I tend to spend my time with people who i get on with, people who share the same moral values as i do.
Who also perhaps like some of the same things.

I try not to discriminate or bully.

I learnt from early on that I don't like quiet a lot of people or groups of people who are snide, dishonest, slanderous, gang bullies.

Preferring to spend my time with people who are honest, kind natured, intelligent, funny (sense of humour), light hearted and with a strong moral ethos. People who stand up for what is right and he oppose bullies and other types of fascists. (funny how many gang bullies who bully on an national scale do not realise they are fascists).

Hanging out with people who are of such a nature, you are less likely to find yourself in distress or getting involved in unsavoury behaviour.

I understand where you're coming from. Very hard though from within myself as I tried to hide who i am from everything and everyone and I guess the bad habits stuck. Like if I was honest to myself and my family my coping skills would probably be very very different. even my obsessions are secret from my family to this day. As they probably wouldn't value it like you said, I don't really in a round about way - essentially value myself. My mom always said to me you have to love yourself before others can love you, but loving someone who isn't worthy of being loved is often a seeming impossible task.

Makes complete sense though being non judgemental is crucial as I don't like people judging my actions or quirks. So long as people don't cause harm to others intentionally then choices remain that. I have learned that people should be based on their direct actions to others - if someone just wants to be rude for the sake of it then you can't do much but i don't love people any less either way as end of the day being respectful and caring to others is all I can do and if it's not returned then I can deal with it in my own time like going home. Being a kind, loving and caring person to others means that other people will do the same in return despite their experiences.

Well, yes and no. I think it depends on the people you're hanging around with. If the people are weak, whiny, "victims", then, yes you can be influenced, negatively, and it can create an unhealthy environment. However, if you run across strong, resilient, "I'm not gonna let it stop me" disabled people, then, no---in fact, they can be a very GOOD influence / help!!

A few months after I came to this site, I thought: "Oh, no, these people are gonna make me WORSE, not better"---but, as I said, it was the type of people (posts, I was reading). When I found a group, on here, who were NOT always whining, and so-forth, then I became stronger. There's a fairly good mixture, here---someone for everyone.

If you meant people in person, the same rule-of-thumb applies, IMO.

I don't think you're horrible for wanting to be around people who are not disabled---I think it's a GOOD thing, because, as you said, you can learn from them!

Yes, people tend to be influenced to some extent by their social environment, but the influence wouldn't necessarily be something negative. There's nothing inherently negative about the company of disabled people. You would just need to choose a suitable group, just like people choose non-disabled people to hang out with.


Well, do that then. Is something stopping you? However, you'd be forced to learn intuitively in this kind of situation, and learning social behavior intuitively is one of the main things autistic people have trouble with. So this might now work for you, assuming that you are autistic.

I need to note that when you have not fit and paid consequences for decades hating who you are is more than understandable. NT's especially bully types can pick up that you hate yourself making you a target making you a target thus making you hate yourself more. A vicious circle. Undoing that mindset in order to break out of that circle is difficult and takes time. It is not a linear process there are setbacks. But it is worth it because you are worth it.