Is people didn't have big ego's, could brutal honesty work?

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Was thinking about having ASD and how we communicate compared to NT's
And i know that we are often criticised for being brutally honest and tactless, or too honest and insensitive.

However, i was thinking that if people weren't so emotional (or have big ego's)
then much of what we say wouldn't be offensive to the people who we talk to

but would be seen as constructive information that can help people improve themselves / their lives
rather than perceiving us as heartless psycho's that have no empathy, who don't care who we stamp on.

In life, i am almost always motivated with good intentions but am often portrayed by others who am trying to
help as a heartless bar stool.... which i am not. i am logical.

for example, i am training in recording studio engineering etc. so if i tell someone they could benefit from singing lessons, i am not doing to be horrible but to help them maximise their potential

but people with massive egos often get hurt so easily
i guess it is easier to give someone the blame than actually see what is really their in true clarity
objectively rather than subjectively.

what do you think?

I never knew big egos meant getting easily sensitive. I thought it was the other way around. I've not got a massive ego but I'm overly sensitive.

Being brutally honest can still be opinion-based.
You may notice things are not as they should be, but the funny thing is most people are completely unaware of it, or it is perfectly acceptable to them and everyone around them.
So it may be that the thing is only not acceptable to you.
It took me a long time to realise this, and it's a theory of mind issue, because I couldn't see how things were acceptable to others if they weren't acceptable to me.
So maybe our egos are just as big, in the opinion of others, if we point these things out.

for example, i am training in recording studio engineering etc. so if i tell someone they could benefit from singing lessons, i am not doing to be horrible but to help them maximise their potential

I knew a guy once who was going through medical school. He commented how it was important to get accurate information from patients. He mentioned that questions to be asked of patients were designed to allow face saving. For example, a patient would be asked if they had even had an infection like, and then a series of innocuous infections would be listed. In the middle of the list the phrase "sexually transmitted" would be inserted. This was designed so that a person could be allowed to admit something in regard to a category without having to admit to something they would prefer to conceal.

In a similar way, one can suggest something to a singer like asking if they had even had breathing lessons to help them sustain a note. Since such lessons probably do not exist, the person might think you were being complementary. It might also obliquely introduce the idea of "lessons".

You could also place a digital frequency counter and ask the singer to hold a note so you could both observe how much the frequency drifted or was unstable. This factual data would remove you from having to give your own assessment as the number can speak for themselves.

There are ways to work around ego.

Tactful honesty works. Yes, it's possible to be honest without being brutal. I receive it on an almost daily basis at work and none of these people are on the spectrum, so it's not exclusive.

Most people care more about social harmony than the truth so to them arguing for unpopular positions is egotistical. It's part of the reason autism can be mistaken for narcissism and why the trope of the autistic narcissist (like Sheldon or BBC Sherlock) exists. But most people are hypocrites that are fine with marginalizing out-groups for the sake of in-group happiness. Criticism of minorities is not considered egotistical, but criticism of the majority (of the in-group, not always a numerical majority) is, even if it's because they are harming a minority.

First one had to discriminate between brutal honesty from an actual insult.
Some do not or can't.

Second one had to judge between having egos from the easily emotionally compromised.
How does one?

Third one had to know the priorities of what should be expressed tactfully and which isn't?
One can be brutally honest about work or what one wears and looks, but about a person's family member or their circumstances? Hm.
So there's the tactful honesty; wording is one, context is another.

Forth one is that not all forms of brutal honesty is it's bluntest or it's most literal of in contexts -- so yeah, how does one sees past the brutal part as a form of feedback?
Yes, brutal honesty had be read between the lines; and one that happened to require less ego and emotional reactivity to do it.

Fifth one would be that not anything that looks like brutal honesty is even 'honesty'.
There's the already mentioned opinion based, and then there's the pretense based.

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"Big egos" isnt the issue.

Its just that folks make things mean the wrong thing.

No because some people with anxiety take other people's opinions too much to heart.

The opposite of a big ego.

When I hear something negative, I focus on it because inside I hate myself as much as they hate me. Because of my anxiety.

I'm socially anxious and aspie, not NT.

NTs have a filter where they only hear what they want to hear. Maybe I have that too but it's maladaptive if so, not catching onto compliments well enough.

I mean tbh my granddad is blunt af & I'm rarely offended by him.

Depends on what's in your heart if you're blunt and don't lie a lot.

He said something I could've taken the wrong way last week. We were staying at his cos it was an emergency and he said "bloody hell I hate sharing"

Now that was something which could be interpreted as 'rude' if someone was egotistical & took 'I hate sharing' as 'I hate sharing with you specifically'. Nah, he just likes his own space.

As an NT who seeks HARMONY in all my interpersonal relationships, tactfulness is paramount...I live by the premise, "If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything"...I like people with good, old-fashion manners aka etiquette...In fact, for a period of time, as a hobby, i taught good manners to children from my congregation with their parents' approval and support...We had a lot of fun, learning together...

I can assure you, one can be HONEST at the same time that one safeguards people's sensitivities...It is not so much what we say but how we say it..Our tone of voice, our willingness to listen, and our eagerness to help...The key is to really care for the wellbeing of the individual whenever we are giving advice...People easily perceive who really cares for them...

When i married my beloved (Aspie) husband, interacting with each other on a daily basis, proved difficult for various reasons...One of which was his apparent reluctance to say "please" and "thank you"...It was a real source of contention between the two of us...Because i thought he had an ego problem not a communication problem...I had so-o-o much to learn about Autism and still do...

One day, i remember telling him that the Almighty God, when addressing his faithful servants of the past, would humbly say "Please"...And i made it clear to my beloved husband that i expect more courtesy from a human being, especially from him...I was very firm about it...To me, this issue was non-negotiable!! !...

I compared the lack of courtesy within the marriage to what happens when a house is infested with termite...The infestation happens gradually, and the owner may not be aware of the damaged to the structure...Until it is too late, and the building is in danger of collapsing...Likewise, superficially, a marriage may appear to be standing strong...But, in reality, it may be falling apart...BLUNT HONESTY can be very damaging to a relationship, especially within a marriage...I know, because i have been on the receiving end

To present-day, my beloved husband and i have a lot to work on to improve our marriage...But, we have come long ways together in a short time-frame...Our interactions have improved considerably...At the same time, my husband's interactions with others have benefited...Still, i keep praying for the miracle...For i well know that Aspies are smart and very capable of learning even when older...Feel free to correct me if i am wrong...

Yes, no one wants to hear the truth, I don't even bother saying anything anymore because all I get is "You can't do better." or someone going on a long rant about how racist and ableist I am which is ironic if you know what I looked like in real life. People especially love to get in their feelings (as the kids say) online.

I thought it was the people with fragile egos who didn't like honesty.

There is more to the interpretation of words than honesty and ego.

Certain things people say or how they say them have culturally specific meanings beyond the literal meaning of the words. Expressing a poor opinion of someone, for example, is a sign of unkind motivations. The poor opinion may be accurate and even helpful, and the person you give the opinion to may not have a big ego, but that person will still probably know that it's at least possible that you are trying to hurt her, especially if you don't bother to deliver the poor opinion in a culturally acceptable way.

Ego is not necessarily the problem.

In my experience people who are insecure are overly sensitive. Of course that's most people out there.

I've learned a lot from college classes about how to be less direct when speaking or writing to people. The way you phrase things matter very much to how they're perceived. And you have to use the right body language or people would not believe you're sincere. It takes lots of practice to communicate well.

I know speaking whatever you think of is easy and comfortable. Alas even for NT people that's a luxury. People only share honest opinions with their spouse or best friends. With anyone else you have to put on your social face and act like a pleasant, easygoing person. We have to remember the point of communication is not just to convey information, but mostly to relate to others. A totally honest person (even NT) would not get very far in life.