Selective mutism

Post Reply New Topic

Do you guy tend to avoid or not talk to certain individuals (esp at work). You are very social and friendly to certain people and completely avoid or not talk to others.

If so, do you think others notice this, or do you feel the person who you not talk to notices this? How is this perceived, esp in the workplace.

Yes, I do this. I think it comes from fear of certain people, due to bullying I endured in the past. Eventhough these people in question would not bully me, I get the feeling because of some memory. I am social and friendly with people I feel more secure with, "good" people in my mind.

I think people notice this and think of me as odd, "stuck up" maybe.

This also has the effect of me not really being able to be myself when in a group of many people, if there is at least one person there I do not feel secure with.

I do this. I might just be paranoid but I think people definitely notice after awhile.

Only people I just met. I wouldn't say I'm overly social but I can talk to people that I know well and feel comfortable with.

I was a fairly selective mute in childhood though. Didn't speak at all at school or to strangers but said a few words to family members and my one friend.

it isnt selective mutism if are able to speak, people with it cant speak around people type situations,if are able to make a choice in just not feeling like speaking around people then are probably just introverted.

I couldn't post the link because I haven't been on the forum for 5 days yet, but if you wiki selective mutism, the definition indicates individuals who selectively choose who they talk to, while purposely not talking to others.... Either by some internal "block" stopping them from talking, or just plainly not wanting to talk, based on what others have indicating (past experiences, etc....)

I often do this both at work and in social situations with people that I am either unfamiliar with or uncomfortable with. I never thought to describe it as selective mutism. Interesting. I have also often wondered how it was perceived or if they even noticed.

Sounds like me. The select few people I'm comfortable with I can talk the ears off of, but with most others I'm almost dead silent unless they approach me first/initiate.

I wouldn't call it that exactly either but I will not talk much, sometimes even if I'm being spoken to, if I'm in a certain mental space and you are not one of my inner circle of people that I feel comfortable talking to.

I was diagnosed with selective mutism as a kid. To this day, I don't like to talk with people I don't know well, or aren't really comfortable around. Unless you approach me, I probably won't have anything to say to you. I don't go mute in social situations any more--not unless I'm stressed or overwhelmed, anyway.

http://www.bellybelly.com.au/child/sele ... nnu93BmiSo

Social anxiety isn't about choosing to not speak, but being unable to speak.

If you want to really know if you have selective mutism then try and speak to those people you normally wouldn't, if you can't then that's closer to selective mutism. And don't put so much trust in a webpage that can be edited by anyone.

I don't buy for a second that people with selective mutism can choose to speak to some people and not others. It's damn frustrating being unable to speak to some people. I spent most of my childhood talking in my head saying those things I wanted to say to people I was too scared to say a single word to. People would speak for you and make up all kinds of untrue things about you that other people would believe because you can't speak up for yourself.

Now that's what I call a social anxiety disorder.

I may not have selective mutism but I do have social anxiety disorder. The only times I remember going selectively mute was in the social group at my university. The reason why it happened was because I saw a girl that was no longer friends with me. That girl got angry at me saying that I betrayed her and lied to her even when I didn't. I told her I wasn't and she still didn't believe me. Then she told me not to contact her which made me feel completely heartbroken since we were close friends. After that, I avoided contact with her in fear that she would start fighting with me and spreading lies about me to everyone and ruining my reputation. Whenever I saw her in group, I would avoid eye contact with her by looking at the floor or to my sides and I would remain silent for the rest of the group. Like dead quiet. Looking at her or even the thought of her hearing my voice made me anxious and uncomfortable. Those were my moments were I went selectively mute.

Selective mutism is more common with girls. My two daughters had it. I found it was much more observable in childhood. I think it is most commonly demonstrated where a child is verbal at home but mute in school.

The cause is the sensation of debilitating anxiety. If the child is also mostly mute with parents, it can take a long time to slowly draw the child into a realm where in the presence of less anxiety, skills can be developed to make social interaction less difficult.

The problem is the intensity of neural sensory and processing sensations. A neruo-typical child may have apprehension about a parental rebuke or being called on by a teacher. However, an Asperger child can be so overwhelmed with anxiety as to be effectively struck dumb.

Most of us who managed to make it through the gauntlet of public school were forced to develop some sort of management strategies and coping skills. At least as adults, we can begin to recognize the cause and effect of our unique neural composition and make better attempts to reconfigure the way we deal with people.

I once worked in an office where there was a guy in personnel who was very difficult to deal with. I commented once on this to my boss and his response was “There are some people who do not exist in my universe”. One does not have to have Aspergers to find this an effective coping strategy.

I have severe selective mutism and I can attest that it is not a choice. It's no more a choice than a person with Tourrette's who cannot stop the compulsion to make a sound. In my case I cannot stop the compulsion to be mute. I literally "feel" a steel trap or wall of anxiety surround me and I cannot stop it. It's like when you have a nightmare and try to scream but nothing comes out. I don't like the word 'selective' because it implies that people with selective mutism can select when to speak or not speak. I cannot 'select' at all. Oftentimes I am eager to speak, or I plan on speaking, or I'm in a good mood and feeling very comfortable, but it still occurs. The only thing that is 'selective' is that it happens at selective times (although I have no choice in the matter).

I do have Complex Trauma Disorder but the mutism began years before my trauma. I don't necessarily experience my mutism at times of stress, discomfort or anxiety, either. In my case it is severe with my own mother and a few close members of my family, but not with strangers, professionals or in academic circles. I cannot even say hello to my mother. I spent 12 hours with her on Christmas and enjoyed myself, but didn't say a word to her. I wanted to but my body would not allow it. Certainly we have had our stressors in the relationship over the years, but "repressed issues" did not begin my mutism. It just happened, and it won't stop.

My Trauma Therapist has been unable to help and Speech Therapy won't even try because it isn't a physical cause. Finding resources for adults is next to impossible. People think it's an issue of being stubborn, shy or insecure. In my case it is none of the above. It's ruining my life so if anyone has suggestions please let me know.

It's ruining my life so if anyone has suggestions please let me know.

You might want to nibble away at the edges of the problem by experimenting such as writing a note to your mother. If you find you can communicate in a written form, that may be a starting point to explore how far you might be able to go with it.

You might want to make a game out of it such as using ASL (American Sign Language) finger spelling to see you you communicate with hand gestures.

I think it might be helpful to try to make it fun in an attempt to reduce any anxieties than might be compounding the problem.

If you are not able to write or gesture, you might want to play with leaving pictures (drawings) as a sort of Pictionary approach.

If it is kept lighthearted, you might discover some approach that could be built upon.

You might find something useful in this Wikipedia link, which explains the thing in some detail and describes a few treatments:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism
I have a bit of it myself, but not enough to give me huge problems. I can usually speak to anybody if it's urgent enough, but often when it's not urgent but somewhat desirable, I just can't. Other times, in social situations, I can get a few words out but then I seem to dry up and can't talk to them any more. I either run out of things to say or I just get anxious and have to stop. It never seems to go the other way, once I've clammed up then that's all they'll get except for maybe a "goodbye" right at the end, which is so standard, short and simple that I can usually do it.