Secretly kind of glad...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not so brutally honest I will say this to my extended family, even Granddad.

I'm honest enough to tell mum. I tell mum everything except adult stuff, she knows how to keep my confidence, genuine unconditional love.

I'm secretly kind of glad that we can't go today.

Allowed to: have everyone sober when opening presents at 9 in the morning, not be pressured to drink alcohol in the morning, not have my uncle make fun of mum's food, not be pressured into eating meat, know that there's stuffing on its own coming, knowing that I can eat 1/3 of the Christmas dinner even though I'm a slow eater with a small appetite, see my favourite relative on Sunday anyway (he's in our 'bubble').

Anyone else secretly (or not so secretly - I don't suggest that unless you want it to be permenant AND upset everyone!) happy to either be alone or with household only this year?

I'm also being more emboldened in my opinion that my auntie can't have a good time without booze. Which is unhealthy.

Also NO stupid lights.

Only the glow of my TV screen.

I'm not sure if my autism has anything to do with this. But when it comes to holidays I feel like I'm screwed either way.

Its either like my holidays have been for the past decade or so, and I'm all alone and isolated and I get lonely and depressed.

Or they're a big mess of having to deal with all the people I'm not comfortable around.

Why can't I ever have a nice quiet holiday in a place I feel comfortable at and with only a handful of people I actually enjoy being around?

Yeah....same here!

I never feel lonely or miss people.

I realised this year that my auntie's family is so different to me that although I love them, if they weren't family, I wouldn't be friends with them. Partly due to faults of me and faults of them. But also just - we don't have much in common.

I am kind of sad that mum was too ill to watch movies with me. But there's tomorrow for that/for playing games together etc.

And I realised this year that it's not all my fault. There's no rule saying it's 'normal' to drink before noon or to pick on vegans at the meal table or to force everyone to consider the turkey the most important part of the meal. That's just their norms.

My auntie needs to realise that it's ok for me to be light sensitive & get drunk too easily to drink so early in the day and my uncle needs to realise that it's ok for my mum to have principles. I lack the conviction to be vegan myself but I think it's a good thing she is - and even if it isn't, it comes from a good place of caring about animals.

In NT society though, there is an absolute duty to see family at Christmas unless said family is actually abusive or you can't (coronavirus for eg) or something like that.

It's got better over the years...

For eg my auntie used to buy me clothing she thought I 'should' wear. Now she buys me either clothing I would wear or things to do with specialist interests.

We ditched the great auntie who was rude and openly bigoted even against Europeans in front of my uncle who's German. Mum was ill when she was in her 20s. In her 30s, that auntie praised her by saying 'you've gained weight'. Nobody believes that this was a compliment - although she says it was because mum used to be ill (non ED related but she couldn't eat solids for months so she lost a lot - a year later that might be a good thing to say but not 7 years on).

My auntie lied to her and said that my uncle had been got by immigration after Brexit & sent back to Germany Idk how long that ruse lasted for...

I cannot cope with small talk! Esp the competitive bragging & gossip about strangers. I introduced a policy of 'leave me alone unless we're doing something'. This has led to the family bringing board games & doing things like playing (easy to play) instruments together.

Me and my cousin are no longer competing over the same things. I went to a rough school & got bullied. She went to an appropriate school & didn't get bullied. Her mother used to complain 'what if she gets a B in her GCSEs' knowing that I had a D in maths (maths and English count most) and a bunch of Bs and Cs and only had As in my best subjects. Cleverness was the one thing I had which I was better at her in in childhood - she was sportier than me and braver than me and taller than me and more popular than me, but I was smart. My auntie didn't seem to realise that she was rubbing in that the one thing I thought was mine was actually an area my cousin was best at, too.

I'm happy enough with myself that the same cousin finding a husband doesn't = I should find a wife. Good for her getting married, I'd rather be alone.

That cousin's also started being honest about being into stuff like books & stuff so we can have a deeper bond than just 'I like clothes' 'I don't, I like football' 'I don't'. And it explains the grades a lot more than her airhead act did.

But it's still a case of - this is a family that I don't feel close with. I feel close with my granddad but I'm seeing him on Sunday.