29yrs old and frustrated with my shyness

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Hello, I have Aspergers and I'm 29. I've spent my life alone with me and myself and was never taught social skills. Any time I'm in the room with other people and on TV there's kissing and/or sexual stuff (which happens a lot) I blush and look away like a 5-6yr old who doesn't know how to deal with that because I don't want to become the center of attention and be made fun of.

It's frustrating because every other person in the whole world knows how to talk with other people and are 900x more bold about dirty jokes. Sometimes I really feel like an alien. God forbid someone's handing out hugs or there's a sing-a-long. 29yrs old and I have the social skills of a 5-6yr old. My greatest weakness and insecurity like a silver bullet despite any other strengths

Do not be too embarissed. I think Jumanji is a horror movie!

Welcome to wrong planet

Everybody else does not know how to talk to other people or go around telling dirty jokes. It might just be the people you interact with.

That said yes social awkwardness is part of being on the spectrum and it is frustrating.

You were never taught social skills but could learn them to a degree. Google and youtube can be helpful. There are on and off line courses.

If possible you can stop hanging out with people who tell dirty jokes all the time and either find a new group of people or find activities that you like that does not involve social interaction.

The original or the remake?

Most people who are excellent at telling dirty jokes are idiots in other ways.

those people are coworkers and family members so I can't really avoid them. With coworkers I can put in earplugs. Not sure where to go to meet new people. In fact, anywhere I do go I don't make new friends.

Where is this place that I can learn social skills? Links?

I had my suspicions.

I can provide a list of ways in which I'm an idiot.

But first I've got a joke; so anyways, a family walks into a talent agent's office...

During a pandemic is not a good time to meet new friends.

How I would approach this is do it a little bit at a time. Pick a social skill that is particarly problematic for you and work on that. It is hard for me to recomend a specific course or Youtube video as I do not know you or the general area where you live.

Besides youtube and google we have people here with many different experiences in life. Don't be afraid to ask, this is what this site is for. There is a section devoted toward social skills and making friends

As far as family members you are 29 and are employed so you may able to move into your own place or at least start to save money with that goal in mind.

I will give you a tip to start you off. Eye contact is often a problem for people on the spectrum. It is uncomfortable or even painful for us. People who are not autistic often view a person who does not make eye contact as a liar or not interested in what they are saying. A way to compensate for that is to look at a place on a person near the eye such as the nose. The other person usually does not know you are doing that and thinks you are making eye contact with them.

Talk to people online.

It might be good practice for when you talk to someone in person.

I was just like you at about that age (I wasn't diagnosed at the time, but now my awkwardness makes perfect sense). My frustration got so bad that I seriously considered suicide.

I figured my only option was trial and error. I used singles groups and personal ads (in the days before Tinder or EHarmony) to meet people, both male and female. Yes, it was awkward and frustrating at first but eventually I got better at it.

@ASPartOfMe
Thank you for suggesting that link. There are plenty of people here with similar things to discuss.
Weighing pros and cons it's better to stay living with family for now.
Eye contact trick I learned that because of a social skills expert who lives nearby. At the time it was very difficult to see her because I lacked much money and it was a pain in the butt to get there and back seeing as I had to take a bus 2hrs to see her and then 2hrs back home. With a drivers license (yes Aspergers can drive just fine) and better pay and more gripes about not spending my money to learn new stuff, it's worth considering if she still does social skills training. If not, I can now travel further distances as necessary to get that help.

I know of that trick but haven't put much honest effort into improving my social skills (which is ultimately just a skill that can be learned). Also, I learned that meditation does help with any anxitey. I do transcendental meditation for 25min twice a day, every day and it's like pressing a reset button and leaves me calm and able to think. Like Spock from Star Trek, emotion makes people stupid but being calm allows me to see things that I never saw before. But now with increased confidence I have to begin the journey to improve social skills. I can use here for help, a paid professional, or Aspergers Experts website. Paying for help doesn't bother me so much if it's doing something that improves the quality of my life. Hmm... what is said to be an investment - investing in my self.

Like on the forums here in text?

@Minuteman
It sounds like you were focused on something and you went and got it and didn't give up just because of a failure. "Remember the Alamo!" Or - "Leroyyyyy Jenkins!!" or "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" It looks like life will keep getting better and better for me then. One might look past the destination and out into the distance and beyond, going boldly where no man has gone before.

Last edited by Jleger91 on 30 Dec 2020, 9:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yep. I mean that.

Maybe it might be "good practice."

Iffy. You say "yep" and "i mean that" but then you say "maybe" and "it might be" and then "'good practice'". The meaning of this sentence is confusing. But the connotations of "i mean that" is in response to my question "Like on the forums here in text?" so that is a yes that talking to people here should help me be more social. If that is a correct interpretation then i'm still confused about the second line.

I believe it would be "good practice"---but I can't promise that. That's what I mean.