Do you find some NTs lack assertive communication?

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Like, especially women???
I mean, they talk about us being emotionally "black and white" when not auto-intuiting the context of some comment or expectation, given theory of mind and situation (i.e. other people present, social norms, etc.) but I've found that many NTs can be emotionally black-and-white in the sense that it's either "hot or cold", whereby they don't assert themselves if they disapprove of something you've said or suggest doing, they say "OK sure" or "fine, by all means" or whatever seemingly positive but short statement. They continue this, or will remain mute as you're carrying out the activity or actions or what-have-you, and then one day they just blow up about how they're pissed about why you'd suggest that, or why you did such-and-such, that you disrespected them by insulting their integrity with "that statement", you were selfish etc. etc....which really bothers me.

While we may somewhat to blame for these b/c our "default operating system" is to put more emphasis on the spoken word or that others see things the same way as us, we need to emulate the "NT OS" more closely by putting more emphasis on emotional cues (non-verbals) and think more about the other person's situation, what have they just experienced or what are they dealing with that would make your suggestion or request inappropriate, etc. Which can be kind of hard to do when we get into a vicious feedback loop where NTs constantly show lack of empathy towards us and make us suffer, we don't feel so inclined to put in a great degree of effort to do the same for them UNTIL it affects our well-being past a certain point.

But seriously, as a matter of principal, I think these people would do well do adopt a more assertive communications style. Maybe they felt that they never needed to, b/c their whole lives they only surrounded themselves by like-minded individuals, and shunned those that they picked up "weird vibes" from, so once they spend a more prolonged period of time with such a person then they use the same indirect communication style that worked for them in the past.

Of course, good luck lecturing such a person on the virtues of assertive communication once he/she has "blown up" at you over a hidden difference of opinion on something that they didn't bother to speak up about sooner.

Both men and women not on the spectrum can lack assertiveness skills.
They failed to learn them in childhood, maybe they were used to being told what to do and easily intimidated.
They did not acquire social skills from childhood by engaging in creative relaxing activities so grew up tense nervous shy etc, just without the autistic issues.
Some of them skirt round things instead of being direct.
I lodged with a person, being Aspie I didnt think to ask if they needed help with housework, three of us lived there, all of us worked full time.
Homeowner was doing housework and we were going out, and I was trying to hurry them along, and instead of saying directly "Three of us live here, while I know you two lodgers pay lodge, as we all work full time, I think lending a hand with the housework would be fair" I'd need to be told that, it's fair.
Instead, homeowner said "No one else does any housework" From then on, I lent a hand in it, it didn't matter that the other lodger didn't, that's up to them, but I felt happier showing the homeowner I was willing to lend a hand but I need to be told.
There is also aggression, which isn't assertiveness.
I worked in a care home and at night we were supposed to take out frozen bread from the freezer and do a few more things in preparation for the mornings workload, and I forgot.
Rather than take me aside, and bring the forgotten things to my attention discreetly, the colleague gave me a humiliating telling off in front of everyone.
Another time a boss in an office brought an error to my attention by saying in front of everyone "You cocked this up" and handed me some paperwork again, in front of other colleagues.
I must have been on form because I got boss alone and said "Sorry I got the paperwork wrong, it would have been nicer if you could have brought the error to my attention in private and asked me how I would put it right"
This boss was more mature than the other colleague and said "I am enlightened" and from then on, we got on well, I felt I could approach this boss.

Yes NT's can lack it.

But so can people with autism, I seem to lack it but idk if its just part of the social anxiety or what.

There are people who like to use the "passive voice."

And those who frequently turn an assertive phrase into a question.

Yeah. That's been a problem of mine over the years in my relationships with others, both men and women. I am one of those people who doesn't know when 'fine' doesn't mean 'fine'. I tell that to the people I'm involved with, but it's like they keep expecting me to know that fine isn't fine. It sucks. I'm no mind reader. All I can do is believe the words I'm being told.

I tell people this is how I am, and that I need them to be clear and say what they mean because I will miss the point if they don't...that I'm one of those people you pretty much have to beat over the head with a thing because subtlety spotting is not even close to my strong point. Sometimes it helps, mostly it doesn't.

And agreed, telling someone when they are upset that they should've been clear and honest from the get go is not a good idea. I learned that the hard way many years ago with an ex of mine. I shut up at that point and say sorry. Later, once whoever has calmed down, I might try to remind them that I suck at nonverbals and need direct speech, but that goes back to what I said in the first paragraph... they keep expecting me to know. I keep not knowing.

I have a relative who is like that and also met a few people with that trait and I thought some of them were autistic cause they were shy, delicate, passive and would not participte in large group conversations. But after talking 1on1, I realized that they are NTs cause they pick up everything normally when it comes to social norms and cues. They do tend to be passive aggresive or blow up at some point.

I wonder how this affects their lives and if they get bullied cause they seem "too passive".