Do people generally have empathy here?

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Weirdness
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10 Feb 2021, 4:38 am

Some threads ago, as I'm sure some know, I revealed how I dealt with hell on earth being unleashed... and while people who aren't sensitive to sound (i.e. on most other forums one would think) presumably don't think it's 'hell'... responses here didn't seem to be different (or, in other words, reactions were the worst from some), and if anything other forums would probably be not as bad (haven't tested it, though)... so, why exactly do people on the spectrum discuss here if others seemingly can't relate?



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10 Feb 2021, 5:40 am

I don't know about generally. I'm very new here but already I've seen the sort of thing you're talking about I think - people share about their experience and sometime responses are less than sensitive. But that's the risk you run with sharing anything personal, anywhere, isn't it? It seems logical that the risk would be increased in a community of people who are often characterised as having difficulty with empathy.

As to why, I think people are just putting up a flag saying, "This is what it's like for me," and hoping someone sees it and says, "Yes, me too."

When your condition is isolating, "Me too" is a wonderful thing to hear. And if you believe your condition is autism-related, then on an autism forum, along with those increased risks of insensitive responses, there's an increased chance you'll make a connection.


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10 Feb 2021, 5:50 am

I see a lot of empathy going on here. I've been here for 11 years and I've never really been afraid to express myself because I know I'll have empathetic responses. If the responses aren't empathetic is doesn't actually mean they lack empathy, as not everyone can relate to everyone all the time.


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10 Feb 2021, 6:10 am

Yes but also interest in facts and motivations.

And if someone throws bottles at people, we don't side with the person doing the violence.

It's a forum. Not a therapist.


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Joe90
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10 Feb 2021, 6:13 am

KT67 wrote:
Yes but also interest in facts and motivations.

And if someone throws bottles at people, we don't side with the person doing the violence.

It's a forum. Not a therapist.


This.

Siding with people doesn't have anything to do with empathy.


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10 Feb 2021, 7:12 am

We advise against some of the actions you propose because:

1. They’re illegal

2. They could get you beat up

3. They’re just not nice.



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10 Feb 2021, 10:01 am

Weirdness wrote:
Some threads ago, as I'm sure some know, I revealed how I dealt with hell on earth being unleashed... and while people who aren't sensitive to sound (i.e. on most other forums one would think) presumably don't think it's 'hell'... responses here didn't seem to be different (or, in other words, reactions were the worst from some), and if anything other forums would probably be not as bad (haven't tested it, though)... so, why exactly do people on the spectrum discuss here if others seemingly can't relate?


I'm not sure if I'm understanding this correctly, so if I'm way off base, let me know, okay?

Why do people post here is others can't seem to relate?

Because reality is, not everyone will be able to relate to the things that others post. Personally, I understand sound sensitivities up to a certain degree. I wouldn't call mine hellish, but they do drain me and have caused me more severe problems in the past and likely will again. Anyway, I'm not sure how many of us here are severely impacted by things like sounds. It might be a largely unrelatable thing here for people. I dunno. I've never asked.

I had no idea what the talk here was about bottle throwing, so I checked your posts and read a few. I think I understand better now. I think the problem you're running into here is not so much a problem with people being insensitive to your sound sensitivities, but more about how you approach your sound sensitivities and present these struggles on this forum. You'd probably have better luck with getting sympathetic responses if you flat out asked if people can relate to being hyper sensitive to noise and depending on what it is you want from people either ask for verbal support or suggestion on how to make it all less traumatic to you in day to day life. If you just wanted to vent, which is totally fine to do, the 'rants' post might be a good place to do that.

I'm not trying to be rude here. I really do understand how being bombarded with noise when you have sound sensitivities can be beyond insufferable. I've had days where I cut off the power to my house just to make the electricity noise stop because I couldn't handle it anymore, and it was still hard because it didn't do anything about outside noises, so I'd go fill a bathtub with water and sink down underwater just to try to get the noise to f****ng stop until I had to come up for air. I get it as much as I can. But when you say things about throwing bottles and conspiracies, it totally switches people's focus from being concerned about your sensory issues to the other things you are saying. Make sense? It might not be so much of an inability to relate as it is a concern about your reactions to your issues. My two cents anyway.

Regardless, I hope you find some way to get some peace with the sound issues. To say that stuff sucks is an understatement.



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10 Feb 2021, 10:04 am

I have a great deal of empathy and strong emotions to go along with it. I'm tired of the stereotypes about empathy.


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10 Feb 2021, 10:07 am

It's strange how I had a severe lack of it until I understood my condition. Then suddenly I had a lot of it.



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10 Feb 2021, 10:11 am

Joe90 wrote:
KT67 wrote:
Yes but also interest in facts and motivations.  And if someone throws bottles at people, we don't side with the person doing the violence.  It's a forum.  Not a therapist.
This.  Siding with people doesn't have anything to do with empathy.
↑ Both of these.

If Weirdness is looking for justification or consensus approval for his violent actions and intentions, then he has come to the wrong website.  "Empathy" does not involve having the same experiences, motivations, and perspective as everyone else; it only means that (1) a person is aware of his or her own emotional state; (2) a person knows that other people have emotional states; and (3) a person is aware of other people's emotional states.

In this sense "Empathy" is nothing more than a "Theory of Mind" for emotions, and that having empathy for others does not imply or require agreement or approval of other people's actions.


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10 Feb 2021, 12:22 pm

What kind of empathy? I find cognitive empathy hard, but affective/emotional empathy is really easy.

I am a complete bust on telepathy...



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10 Feb 2021, 9:04 pm

Weirdness, I think your sentence structure is confusing people as to the point you're trying to get across...

As for empathy, I think there are quite a few people with ASD whose empathy is at +13, forget, "This one goes to eleven..." so they may come across as apathetic.

Many years ago I came up the the term "stress monkey" as someone who burned out from social and environmental overload: we are the ones who jump out of our skins and are derided when we have adverse reactions to something like darling little Baby-cupcake screaming at the top of their lungs because mommy isn't paying enough attention to them. I generally do a "run kitty run" at that point (getting the eff outta there), but if that's not an option I tend to shout down, and if pushed I get my hackles up.

I think some people may share too much of themselves, expecting/hoping to find answers to a question that this forum is not suited for. BTW that has zero to do with anything you might have said, I'm just stating my opinion about what I've noticed on forums in general, like the person who was asking about relationship advice on a camping equipment form, HUH!?!?! 8O

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Joe90
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10 Feb 2021, 9:28 pm

Personally speaking, the definition of empathy changes.

An allistic person (person without autism) can bully and be insensitive and selfish but still said to have empathy because the definition of empathy among allistics means "treat others how you want them to feel".

But the definition of empathy variates when autism is brought into the equation. All an autistic person has to do is to disagree with someone and they're accused of lacking empathy.


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10 Feb 2021, 9:34 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Personally speaking, the definition of empathy changes.

An allistic person (person without autism) can bully and be insensitive and selfish but still said to have empathy because the definition of empathy among allistics means "treat others how you want them to feel".

But the definition of empathy variates when autism is brought into the equation. All an autistic person has to do is to disagree with someone and they're accused of lacking empathy.


So here is an interesting take on empathy I read. Humans developed empathy, in this context to be able to read and understand another's feeling and thoughts. This ability was used to benefit a person in a couple of way. One to have sympathy to others and so bond. The other was to understand other in order to deceive and manipulate them. Having empathy does not mean you act in only socially positive ways.



blackomen
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11 Feb 2021, 10:59 am

It's pretty average when it comes to Internet forums. Generally, I'll match my level of empathy to the overall level of empathy in the community.



DIVAIR
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11 Feb 2021, 12:43 pm

"Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position... Compassion and sympathy are terms associated with empathy..."

Just because someone understands what another person is feeling doesn't mean that they are showing empathy, they can be highly apathetic as well.

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