MASKING or MIMICRY???

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I have previously explained here that words carry hidden meanings known as connotations...And the word MASKING is no exception...It implies that the individual is purposely trying to be deceitful in order to hide something, perhaps something malicious... Therefore, in my humble opinion, this term does NOT and should NOT be applied to people on the spectrum...

I understand that in an effort to fit-in, someone on the spectrum, from a very young age, learns to act as if they are neuro-typical...I can only imagine how exhausting this must be for you all wonderful people on the spectrum ...Constantly having to be on the alert...Wondering if you did or said something wrong...Not knowing how to behave in certain social situations...Pretending to be somebody other than your true-self...Always feeling anxious and/or exhausted... ...

My beloved (Aspie) husband never 'masked' in my presence, except maybe on our first and second romantic dates...On those two occasions, he acted very charming...From thereon, he was GENUINE with me...As if he knew that i would not accept anything less than his TRUE-SELF...And so around me, he was often very low in tolerance--actually not very nice--so, i would become defensive... ...This dynamic often led to his shutdowns and/or meltdowns early in our marriage...

To date, whenever i read the word 'masking' here and elsewhere been applied by and to those on the spectrum, i resent it greatly... ...Thankfully, an expert on autism (Mark Hutten, M.A.) who i admire greatly found the right term for the act of copying the behavior of others by you on the spectrum: MIMICRY

Reflecting back on my courtship to my beloved husband and our first two years of marriage, i am grateful to God for the progress we have made...But at the same time, i realize it is not enough...I need to be more tolerant of his true-self; so that around me he is not as anxious and feels free to decompress from all outside stress...This is a good goal for me for this third year of marriage...May God bless our third year of marriage with peace, tranquility, and happiness...

Tell me, what do you all think about this...Feel free to express yourselves on this topic openly and frankly...

Another term I see used and increasingly preferred is "camoflauging". I used to use that when I first learned what masking was and I think the connotations of it are a bit more accurate in my case.

You could argue that masking is an accurate term as it refers to masking or hiding one's true self. However, I understand your point that it could be used in a negative way. Mimicry is a good term to use in some situations, but not others. Both terms have their own strengths and weaknesses.

For some in can be a case of mimicry in order to mask, so I guess that it could be both.

I practiced a number of things, including facial expressions, posture, and small talk scripts etc extensively in my teens so much so that I deploy them almost subconsciously - its still tiring though.

What I do is best described as “hiding.” Not even really just my autism or my “true self,” mostly me altogether. I’ve unknowingly mastered the art of not drawing attention to myself, and basically am like a decorative fake plant - I may get an initial perfunctory notice, but then it’s basically like I don’t even exist. Can’t “mask” or “mimic” to save my life, so this is my coping mechanism. I don’t even do it on purpose, I can’t even “turn it off” or anything, it just happens.

Sometimes I wish I had that skill.

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Love it!! !...Camouflaging as trying to blend into your surroundings...Not to draw attention to yourself...As a defense mechanism...[thumbs-up]...

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When an autistic child tries to copy the behavior of his peers, his intent is not to mask in the sense of trying to hide something bad...He is just mimicking his peers and grown-ups in order to be accepted...Overtime, when he grows-up, if he masters this, still his intent is not to deceive but to avoid punishment by a society that is not tolerant of neuro-diversity...Intent makes all the difference...Therefore, mimicry is definitely more appropriate...I think...

I learned to camouflage by trial-and-error and by actually observing my peers and adults.

I just sat on the sidelines a lot watching what other people did to express tone, body language, etc.

I eventually learned to sort of keep a subconscious log of what I did in a social situation, so if I got a reaction I didn't want I would tweak what I was doubtful about being correct (my tone, how much eye contact I was making, etc.) until when I was in a situation like that I got the reaction I wanted.

Writing that last part makes me realize why some NT people think masking is really manipulative. LMAO

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It is exhausting to you, because it is unnatural to you...Unlike NTs, who instinctively know what to do in social situations and the like...The human brain is magnificent, and especially the ASD brain that continues to learn way passed the NT's developmental stage...

One part of masking is for me is a means to enable one to be able to communicate in an understandable way to those who one would not be able to relate to if one is not able to mask.

It is an "Ac,t" not done to decieve but to alter ones natural wavelength to be on the same mental "Channel" as how others communicate.

This act can only be sustaied for a certain length of time before others discover it is an act and this is when the bullying begins.

I was bullied before I learned how to mask. Masking is lie a sustained commedy act, but instead of only having to act to ones audience for maybe an hour or two ever other month, one has to keep up this act day in day out when one isnin contact with other people, especially in large groups, hence why the exhaustion eventually comes in and also why one may seem to be exhausted through a day of social interaction while others find a socially interacting day stimilating and it refreshes them (But they are not having to mask, so they will not have to be doing two or more things at once in a mental way).

Probably the largest discovery about myself is to realize what has been going on as I was taught that anything classed as "Mental" one should not look into or be associated with it, as in the area where I live, people have been locked away in mental homes for very little in the past, so people learned not to talk about such things, so for me to discover that some of my struggles were based on "How" one thinks and has to compensate ones thinking to enable one to relate to how other people deal with life in the outside world... It explains to me why I tended to feel like I was at a dissadvantage and found that I seemed to need to put more effort then others did to learn the same things. This does not mean that I did not succeed, but it meant that it took me a little more effort to do this.
However, in other ways I do have an advantage, but to share my advantages would often be met by jelousy amongst those who could not see life in the same ways, so I would often be a victim of various hidden attacks and bullying. (Hidden attacks, like a time when I was in a metalwork lesson and two jelous kids decided to destroy what I had made (Months of work) which resulted in me having to start all over again, and many such events like this. I asked "Why do I have to make another? You saw the one I made before?" but my reasoning was ignored and I was ordered to start again which meant a lot of hard work when the rest of the class were relaxing and learning new stuff. This is just ONE example of how I found through life that I have found things to be a struggle, and yet I am mentally strong enough to forgive those who have hurt me, which is neccessary because I have an exceedingly good memory).

I do not know what mimicry is or means. A tiny cry?

I have two versions that I use. One makes me appear as close to normal as I can be. The other blends me into the background so that I do not stick out. If only I could perfect that one: to become the invisible man. You may call it what you will, but they are a form of masking to me.

I see your argument there.

Yes. I do them but also have a third and that is a tool to enable me to "Communicate" with others at their level.

I took acting classes, so "Role-Playing" is the term I prefer, but "Masking" and "Mimicry" are also accurate.  Both mean to pretend being someone you are not.

For instance, a former classmate once asked me for a little financial help, and instead of just turning him down flat, I played the role of Vito Corleone as he spoke to Bonasera at his daughter's wedding.  It went something like this (not exactly, but close enough)...

I understand. You found a way to make a good living, and you made a good living for a long time. The banks backed you up when you needed a loan because your credit was good, and the courts were there to grant you bankruptcy if you needed it.

But you never needed me for a friend.

Now you come to me and you say -- "My friend, the banks won't back me up anymore; please loan me some money" -- but you don't ask with respect, and you don't ask like a friend.  You talk to me like I'm gonna do whatever you want because you still think of me as that skinny kid who used to get beat up every day while you stood by and pretended to see nothing.  You didn't even help me when I was living on the streets. Instead, you waited until the bank says you're a bad credit risk to come and ask me for a loan.  You say you'll pay me back, but listen...

If the bank says you're a bad credit risk then you're too much of a bad credit risk for me to loan you money; and if the bank says you're a good credit risk, then you don't need me to loan you any money, either.

So here's what I'm gonna do ... I hear you gotta boat ... a nice boat ... it's gotta cabin down below with a galley, a bed, and a small closet to take a s███ and a shower in.  I'm gonna offer to buy that boat from you, and you are gonna sell it to me, and for the exact same amount you want me to loan you.  And if that boat doesn't sink when I put it in the water, then we're friends, and you don't gotta pay me back.  But if that boat blows up, burns up, and sinks into the lake after I take possession, then we're no longer friends and I'm gonna want my money back. And I'm gonna get that money back.  You know why?  Because I know where you live. Know what else?  I know where your mother lives … and your sister too ... understand?  Good.

So, we gotta deal, or what?

He could not back out of that room fast enough, and I never did buy that boat.  I was also not bothered by any more former classmates begging for money from me for a few years afterward, either.

Ahh ... Brando ... you were a freaking genius!!

I always thought of masking being a reference to ye olde timey plays where actors would wear a mask to play a character like Scaramouche or Pierro.

One plays the part of being socially acceptable.

I didn't really have a lot of self awareness till I was in my 20s. I was very gung ho about everything as a child and teenager and said what I thought, acted like myself, wasnt at all tactful.

Not quite sure what changed in my 20s, maybe I just matured, but I realised that I was coming over as arrogant. So I started changing myself, second guessing myself, acting the part.

I'm still more myself than anything, but to socialise I have to put on a cheerful, talkative mask that isn't really me and I go home exhausted.

I think that being more tactful and less opinionated is the real me now though.