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When a person is an anxiety trigger

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r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2021, 1:10 am

This happened 3 months ago.

I sent an email to someone I haven't spoken to in years, and within hours experienced the first anxiety attack. This is someone who triggered anxiety attacks in me in the past due to an unhealthy relationship (mostly on my part).

This is someone I want to stay connected with. How can I manage and eliminate this trigger?



DIVAIR
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10 Feb 2021, 12:40 pm

If it's that bad, I'd recommend thinking about that person, then writing your thoughts down to look for patterns. Is it a fear that you're going to revisit a certain behavior, like talking too much and not listening, as an example?

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r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2021, 1:33 pm

DIVAIR wrote:
If it's that bad, I'd recommend thinking about that person, then writing your thoughts down to look for patterns. Is it a fear that you're going to revisit a certain behavior, like talking too much and not listening, as an example?

DIVAIR

Fear of abandonment more than anything else, I think.



DIVAIR
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10 Feb 2021, 2:15 pm

Perhaps the best thing you can do when you feel that way is ask yourself, "OK, so what: what if I never do talk to this person again: what's really gunna happen to me?" You need to be brutally honest with yourself, that is, don't rationalize what if scenarios, just weigh the consequences. Now here's the most important part of this process: go do something you really enjoy immediately afterwords--this is vital! Why? Because hopefully it will show you that you will be perfectly fine, and just the same without said person, and you can start to unlearn negative behaviors by substituting them with positive ones... :D

DIVAIR



r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2021, 2:20 pm

DIVAIR wrote:
Perhaps the best thing you can do when you feel that way is ask yourself, "OK, so what: what if I never do talk to this person again: what's really gunna happen to me?" You need to be brutally honest with yourself, that is, don't rationalize what if scenarios, just weigh the consequences. Now here's the most important part of this process: go do something you really enjoy immediately afterwords--this is vital! Why? Because hopefully it will show you that you will be perfectly fine, and just the same without said person, and you can start to unlearn negative behaviors by substituting them with positive ones... :D

DIVAIR

What will happen to me? I will not speak with the love of my life again? That I won't spend my life with them? That I can't seem to develop feelings for other people and might spend the rest of my life alone and in agony? That about sums it up.

I have trouble doing things I once enjoyed, in fact, I have stopped doing them altogether because I have lost the interest. I have tried forcing myself doing these activities and I only found that I feel terrible doing them and I instead develop resentment for the activity itself.



CockneyRebel
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10 Feb 2021, 2:53 pm

Maybe if you see it as the two of you turning a new leaf and starting over, it would seem less daunting. Using this method works wonders for me.


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BeaArthur
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10 Feb 2021, 8:52 pm

You haven't spoken to the love of your life in years - and then out of the blue you contact them? Yeah I'd be anxious too. So, this happened 3 months ago. What happened? Did you hear back, or not?


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r00tb33r
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10 Feb 2021, 11:10 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
You haven't spoken to the love of your life in years - and then out of the blue you contact them? Yeah I'd be anxious too. So, this happened 3 months ago. What happened? Did you hear back, or not?

I sure did, and then 2 months later I started cracking under the pressure of anxiety. It's been rocky, and I'm showing all of the typical traits of abandonment anxiety. But how do I deal with it? I'm doing damage both to myself and the relationship.



BeaArthur
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11 Feb 2021, 9:31 am

Seriously, get a shrink. Don't waste time looking for an "autism aware" shrink. Get a shrink who helps with relationship issues and anxiety. You can always explain to the shrink the particular focus that autism gives you.


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DIVAIR
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11 Feb 2021, 12:56 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Seriously, get a shrink. Don't waste time looking for an "autism aware" shrink. Get a shrink who helps with relationship issues and anxiety. You can always explain to the shrink the particular focus that autism gives you.


A-freakin'-men! from what you've told us you are very depressed, that is, you are exhibiting many of the symptoms thereof--get some help bruddah! :)

DIVAIR