Do people think you're rude but can't really explain how?

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It seems like everyone thinks I'm rude but none of them can ever explain how I am rude in what way. It's like people are willing to toss that label on me but have no explanation why and no reason which I find strange. Does this happen to anyone else?

Not me. I think I have the opposite problem. I'm super conservative with my social interactions and hold back so much of what I really think that I don't say much, let alone anything that would be considered rude.

It's funny to me, the two posts above mine here could each have been me, just at a different point in time. The OP used to be true for me, probably because I was just too "real" most of the time. If I liked a person (which was true of WAY more people than liked me back) I was largely unfiltered, and that didn't go over well. But it was more like a large number of small things that made me "rude" in their book. I "crossed the line" but never so far that it was egregious, so there were never examples of "You did this or said this, so you're rude." More like, "You're a little bit almost-rude most of the time, so you're rude" if that makes sense.
Then I stopped talking to most people if it was unnecessary. Now no one calls me rude, because I don't speak to them beyond what's absolutely necessary. I'm never "rude" in a conversation if I'm not in the conversation. It works for me, but I'm pretty asocial anyway, so YMMV.

I assume you're talking about real-life and not online. People often think I'm rude because I don't use the normal conventions of body language during interactions. I have a flat affect, meaning I don't readily smile or show the expected facial expressions to express my emotions. I don't make eye contact at all. I don't even try. Most of the time I don't even face the person when I'm talking, and sometimes I'll walk a few steps in the other direction because of nervous energy.

I also experience mutism and processing delays. People who don't know me think I'm being haughty or rude if I don't / can't respond verbally, or in real time. I'm not rude. I hear them and I'm thinking about what they've said, trying to evaluate what it means to me, and trying to formulate a response that I can articulate without being uncomfortable. Usually by the time that happens, they've decided I'm a snob and moved on to the next person.

Maybe. I've certainly had occasions where I've said things to people that have made them annoyed enough to walk away from the conversation. Obviously, if I'd considered that they would be that upset, I wouldn't have said it.

That doesn't happen often though, mainly because I don't talk much. In fact, I think I'm probably considered rude becasue I don't talk much. Usually, in social situations, my mind is more or less blank. I have very little to say, so I don't say it. I think a lot of people find that rude, or at least suspicious.

People consider me rude because I feel that I have to get to the point when I explain things to people.

Well, you probably have that uncomfortable habit of pointing out the obvious. You know, that thing everyone is avoiding, but knows it needs to be addressed. It is just an NT thing, but we have the disorder!

I talk too much, and make jokes that aren't always suitable. I also make too much eye contact.
I think it may appear as being rude, but it's very subtle, so they may not be able to explain how. I can also be quite ironic which sometimes is not understood.

/Mats

I've been called "brutal" before but not rude. I can be both though and I'm fully aware of it. I can also be really polite if I want to be as well but I'm best in a setting where people just accept me for what I am. Someone described me as being "coarse" yesterday and another person said that I'm "raw".

People always think I have an attitude with them because of the way I talk. I'm also too blunt so people sometimes think I'm being mean, since I don't know how to sugarcoat things.

Actually, some people may interpret that as rudeness. You're so quiet, they may assume you're stuck-up or think you're better than them and they're not worthy of your time since you don't speak to them. That's totally inaccurate, but those are the sort of assumptions NTs are prone to make.

People don't necessarily think I am rude but rather get caught off by me accidentally coming off as aggressive/rude in a way that is random. It doesn't happen often and is accidental on my part and I think the lack of frequency is what saves me.

I must be a special case then. I don't know what is wrong with me. I always say I either have a communication issue or I keep running into idiots.

Maybe it's a bit of both...

People tell me that I am very polite and extremely blunt at the same time.
Because I am known to be polite, people sometimes confuse my compulsive talking with intentional aggression.

Last edited by Checkbox on 21 Feb 2021, 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've been called rude or similar things for no reason or bad reasons my whole life. I don't initiate conversation well, so I've been labelled "aloof". I tend to forget people's names or faces, or both. I'm generally honest and blunt (but not insulting), which some people can't handle. I tend to use facts to call out stupidity in authority, which people in authority don't like. Oh, and my ex accused me of being a bully, which I definitely am not. When I asked for an explanation, she said that, in arguments, "You bully me with logic." Aristotle, the father of bullying.