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I think my parents want to send me away someday

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Crystal1414
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08 Mar 2021, 10:13 pm

My parents are always telling me I cannot stay at home anymore. They say I need more help than they can give.

I think they want me to stay at the psych ward or something. I'm not sure though. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like a burden.



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08 Mar 2021, 10:27 pm

That's a mean thing for them to say.

If they are stressed, is there any way of getting help at home - someone with expertise you might be able to relate to better - rather than going away?

Thinking about it, I'm not sure that can happen any more, anyway. It sounds like a threat from the 1960s.



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08 Mar 2021, 10:41 pm

That's a horrible thing for your parents to say to you. Aren't there any resources for your parents. That attitude is a by-product of Nazi Germany.


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08 Mar 2021, 10:57 pm

Crystal1414 wrote:
My parents are always telling me I cannot stay at home anymore. They say I need more help than they can give.

I think they want me to stay at the psych ward or something. I'm not sure though. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like a burden.


That does not sound like "someday" to me; it sounds as if they are burnt out. Ask if they have any suggestions on where you can get the help they think you need.



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08 Mar 2021, 11:01 pm

Do you have other relatives you get on with? Siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles?

Firstly so you could spend some time with them.

Also so you have someone supportive on your side if your parents do try anything extreme. I would hope they're just said that in the heat of the moment and not actually meant it, but just in case...

I'm sorry you've been made to feel like that.



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08 Mar 2021, 11:49 pm

I can understand they might be stressed but that doesn't make it fair to say stuff like that which will obviously distress you. I'd ask them to clarify what they mean when they say you need more help than they can give.



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09 Mar 2021, 3:20 am

Crystal1414 wrote:
My parents are always telling me I cannot stay at home anymore. They say I need more help than they can give.

I think they want me to stay at the psych ward or something. I'm not sure though. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like a burden.


Assuming you're a legal adult, your parents don't have to let you stay. I'm sure that the idea of not getting to live with your parents is stressing, especially if that's the only way you've ever lived, but it wouldn't be fair to them to not let them express their own problems and concerns and just make them put up with it. If they say that you need more help than they can give, then it's very likely that they are also stressed over the situation. Have you asked them why they don't want you to live with them anymore? What kind of help do they think you need that they can't give? Also, you can directly ask them what they think would be the best solution for living arrangements. Just you being willing to discuss the subject might ease some of their stress.



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09 Mar 2021, 5:38 am

I’m really sorry for your situation.

Are you still under 18?

Where are you located?

Is there housing for people with disabilities?



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09 Mar 2021, 8:32 am

Crystal1414 wrote:
My parents are always telling me I cannot stay at home anymore. They say I need more help than they can give.

I think they want me to stay at the psych ward or something. I'm not sure though. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like a burden.

It's hard to answer this without knowing your age and what kinds of behaviors are hard on your parents.

If you have a lot of screaming or rage outbursts, and especially if there is violence on your part, then I can see why they might feel like they're through. If you are just very withdrawn, they might feel like you do need more help because they just don't know how to help you.


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09 Mar 2021, 9:14 am

Crystal1414 wrote:
My parents are always telling me I cannot stay at home anymore.  They say I need more help than they can give.  I think they want me to stay at the psych ward or something.  I'm not sure though.  I'm not sure what to do.  I feel like a burden.
How old are you?  What is your level of education?  Are you employed/employable?

I thought Canada's health-care system was supposed to be something of a safety net for disabled people.


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09 Mar 2021, 9:33 am

Fnord wrote:
Crystal1414 wrote:
My parents are always telling me I cannot stay at home anymore.  They say I need more help than they can give.  I think they want me to stay at the psych ward or something.  I'm not sure though.  I'm not sure what to do.  I feel like a burden.
How old are you?  What is your level of education?  Are you employed/employable?

I thought Canada's health-care system was supposed to be something of a safety net for disabled people.


I'm not too familiar with Canada's system, but it could be like ours in the sense that some people slip out from the net's holes. As in, they are too disabled to make it through basic life the same way as "normal" people, but not considered disabled enough by the system to get the help they'd actually need.



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09 Mar 2021, 12:07 pm

Canada's system is worse than useless for boys, but may still have something for girls.



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09 Mar 2021, 3:54 pm

Crystal, I went back to some of your earlier posts, and I see that you are age 20 and diagnosed with both autism and schizophrenia. You take antipsychotic drugs for the schizophrenia and you also smoke a lot of pot and sometimes drink to soothe yourself. You sleep a lot and don't see much of people outside the home.

The transition to adulthood is often difficult for people in your situation. But sleeping all the time and becoming less and less able to socialize will not move you ahead in this transition, but instead will keep you stuck at this functional age, no matter what your chronological age becomes.

I am inclined to think your parents want the best for you, but don't know how to move you past this rut you seem to be in. When they talk about sending you away because you "need more help than we can give you," instead of just feeling bad about that, try to ask them to explain what they mean, and also ask questions about the kind of places they might have in mind, and whether they would be happy with you living at home a few years while you get services as an out-patient. Or they might be happy with you going to a residential program that is in the same vicinity so you can visit often with them.

This is not a prescription, but some structure, such as having to get up at the same time every day and having to interact with others at meal times or doing social activities, while it may sound horrible to you now, might help you much more than you anticipate. Perhaps this is what your parents have in mind. Anyway, talk to them about it, and ask questions.


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Crystal1414
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09 Mar 2021, 7:41 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
Crystal, I went back to some of your earlier posts, and I see that you are age 20 and diagnosed with both autism and schizophrenia. You take antipsychotic drugs for the schizophrenia and you also smoke a lot of pot and sometimes drink to soothe yourself. You sleep a lot and don't see much of people outside the home.

The transition to adulthood is often difficult for people in your situation. But sleeping all the time and becoming less and less able to socialize will not move you ahead in this transition, but instead will keep you stuck at this functional age, no matter what your chronological age becomes.

I am inclined to think your parents want the best for you, but don't know how to move you past this rut you seem to be in. When they talk about sending you away because you "need more help than we can give you," instead of just feeling bad about that, try to ask them to explain what they mean, and also ask questions about the kind of places they might have in mind, and whether they would be happy with you living at home a few years while you get services as an out-patient. Or they might be happy with you going to a residential program that is in the same vicinity so you can visit often with them.

This is not a prescription, but some structure, such as having to get up at the same time every day and having to interact with others at meal times or doing social activities, while it may sound horrible to you now, might help you much more than you anticipate. Perhaps this is what your parents have in mind. Anyway, talk to them about it, and ask questions.


I have talked to my parents about it recently. They explained that they qualify for respite for me. I'm not sure what that is. They want me to quit drinking. I feel better about it but it still feels not so good. I get really homesick so it seems hard to not be at home.

They want me to make friends. But socializing feels very tiring lately. I want friends but It seems really scary.

I have a transition plan from school. I also had an IEP in school. I saw them recently. I also read over my diagnoses. I am apparently prone to aggression and I have unusual mannerisms. I looked at that today. It made me feel weird.



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09 Mar 2021, 7:42 pm

Respite means somebody comes over to help you with things while your parents go out.

I'm sorry you feel so "weird."



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09 Mar 2021, 9:09 pm

Crystal1414 wrote:
I have talked to my parents about it recently. They explained that they qualify for respite for me. I'm not sure what that is. They want me to quit drinking. I feel better about it but it still feels not so good. I get really homesick so it seems hard to not be at home.

They want me to make friends. But socializing feels very tiring lately. I want friends but It seems really scary.

I have a transition plan from school. I also had an IEP in school. I saw them recently. I also read over my diagnoses. I am apparently prone to aggression and I have unusual mannerisms. I looked at that today. It made me feel weird.


I tried to make friends with some marginalized people, but they were all using alcohol to mask their pain, with the result that the people around them felt pain instead. A lot of people go to Alcoholics Anonymous to quit drinking, but just as many go to Al-Anon to recover from associating with a drunk.

It is not possible to improve your life without doing things that feel scary and unnatural. Keep the upset below sheer panic, but below that, you should call it growing pains, and feel cheated without it. When I'm tired after a workout, I remind myself that all the athletes we admire feel even more tired, more often. If you are not making effort regularly, you actually lose ground.